Character overview: The Innkeeper is a younger lady, dressed in street punk clothes with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and wears bright bubblegum pink lipstick.
(The Innkeeper stands center stage, earbuds in both ears, humming the tune of a song and mildly getting into it. She spots the audience and removes one of the earbuds)
Huh? Oh, whateva! Large groups gotta call in advance. Except I prolly wouldn’t have answered anyhow cuz (shrugs) I've been a little busy… Besides, we ain’t got no rooms. And even if we did, I wouldn’t show you one cuz, hello, I said I’m busy.
These holidays, man! Everybody’s like, “Blah blah blah, oh can’t you double check there’s no room at Budget Inn?” Umm, kinda busy watching Jersey Shore. We ain’t got no TiVo, so it's not like I can just pause it. And stop looking at your bag, lady, like I'm yo' bellboy. Best find you a man for that.
(pressing the earbud back in her ear) Oh, I love this part. (She sings part of the chorus of "So What?" by Pink. She looks back up and notices the audience still watching and angrily removes both earbuds this time.)
Why you still here? I said we ain’t got no… Gah, man, I don’t have time for this. I took this job at Budget Inn cuz my girl told me I’d get paid for sitting around doing nothing. (Chuckles) Funny how she forgot to mention the Christmas crowd is a nightmare! So many people from outta-town wanting rooms. This stupid holiday!! Like last night, finally get a moment to update my Facebook status when this couple walks in, and, man, was that chick pregnant! They wanted a room, of course; but, well, you know the drill. And just cuz the girl was ready to pop and its below freezing, they think I should feel bad for ‘em. I mean, who do you think you are? Finally got rid of 'em by pointing them to our parking garage around back, except I got the last laugh. They ended up walking off in the wrong direction. I don’t know if they even found it. I might have helped them if they hadn’t been as needy as every other person this season.
So ready for Christmas to be over! Why's everyone always saying it’s so great? Let me tell you, Christmas is great…for headaches. That’s about it. Maybe if Christmas was less complicated, just a simple message, I might not mind it. Instead, all I get is busy, busy, busy, “Oh, what should I get Great-Aunt Ruth, who I hate anyway?” There’s more comfort and joy the day after Christmas than in the rest of the season. So, Merry December 26th, everybody.
(puts the earbuds back in her ears) The Budget Inn’s closed now, so go talk to someone who cares.