Talking to God May 18, 2011
By: Ayla Daniels
Elias put the cold knife to his throat. “I have nothing to lose.” He whispered into the cold, dark abyss of his room. He breathed his last breathe, held it and pressed the knife farther, and farther into his neck. Then everything started to fade to grey and blue. He tried to gasp for air, but it was too late. He was dead.
There was nothing. Not a thing happening, but it was cold. He was freezing, but he was boiling. He was shivering sweat. There was darkness swirling around him. There was nothing but him among the emptiness of death. He was nothing, and everything. He was utterly alone in silence, but he could not move nor blink. The heat and coldness screamed at him but he couldn’t do anything about it. He was here, forever.
He didn’t know how long it had been. The strange thing was he didn’t care. He had always been a freak for knowing what time it was. But that past had slipped through his fingers. He always needed to know what time it was, but now..... he never thought that he would feel this way.
Then suddenly out of the blackness and hopelessness came light. It was brilliant. He could barely look at it. It blinded him. He was lifted up by the light. At first he was moving slowly, but later it became faster, and faster until he was moving at the speed of light. He didn’t want to look down; afraid that he might be sent back to the nothingness. He burst through what felt like a white wall. And then, he was amongst blackness again. But there were shining lights in the distance. He dared to look down, and saw Earth. He was actually floating in space! He was so happy to be out of the black place where there was nothing. Elias let out the breathe he realized that he was holding and walked around.
Suddenly a white light appeared and a figure emerged from it. It was a woman clothed in brilliant robes. Most people thought models were beautiful, but she looked like she had just gotten the happiest news of her life. She glided elegantly towards him, and he didn’t know whether she was walking closer or father away from him. What felt like a year later, she stood near him looking at him in the eyes, radiantly “He will be with you shortly.” She said, and then turned to leave.
Elias quickly called out,”Who is he?” But he was so dazed from the bizarreness of the situation that it came out in a big jumble. She turned and smiled.
He was so stunned that he could barely move his lips to respond “God? W-Why?”
“He wants to talk to you.” She replied pleasantly.
“Oh please! Just send me to hell already.”
She frowned sincerely. Even so, she still looked like a million bucks. “Why would you want that?” She asked.
Elias was silent. He knit his eyebrows together and then shook his head. “This must be a dream.” He thought. “But everything is so real, how could it be?” He finally spoke “So when is he coming?”
She smiled, a sparkle lit her eyes, and Elias couldn’t help but stare “Soon.” She said, and then disappeared. He stumbled backwards when he noticed her absence, but decided to mot dwell on it. He just wanted to get this over with.
Elias sat there, maybe for hours. Soon must have had a different definition to her than him. There was nowhere to escape to. He had no choice but to wait. There was nothing there but his thoughts, nothing to pass the time. Finally, something in the distance started to approach him. It shone even brighter than the angel. Elias couldn’t even look at it. He turned his head and waited.
Someone wearing golden robes emerged after quite some time. The brightness had toned down enough for Elias to see him.
“I am God.”
“Uh.... nice to meet you...... Soooooo....... why am I here right now?”
“You’re here, right now because I’m going to show you the universe Elias.” He was speechless. The universe? Why him? “Are you ready?”
“Should I be?” Without another word, a gate opened out of the blackness. The gate was made of thousands of colours. Elias had no idea what they were. They looked like... he didn’t even know. They were bold, yet soft, bright, and beautiful He was stunned. One was actually looked like peace, Soft and elegant. People normally use bright colours like red to represent passion. One of these colours looked so much like passion, that he was inspired just by looking at it. It was so much different than anything he had ever imagined.
“Follow me. I have something to show you.”
They walked through the gate together, Elias’ mouth wide open. When they came out of the gate, it disappeared. He was in a great wide open field with God standing with him. There were daisies spread out through the field. God turned to him and asked
“Elias. Why wouldn’t you accept me as your God on Earth?”
He was still a bit stunned from before. He was also stunned that God was right beside him as well, but he managed to give his answer “Because to have a faith in you I had to feed the needy, and go out and preach in the streets, and give up all I own. I couldn’t.... I can’t commit to that.”
“Who told you that? I never asked you to do all those things. Where does it say that you need to do that? That was never the call on your life. I just want you to love me.”
“But how can I love you if you’re so far away?”
God smiled. “I’m never, ever far away. I live inside everyone on Earth. I’m always right where you are.” Silence. “I created you. I’ve watched you your whole life, and taken care of you. I’ve been there through everything you’ve been through. I know everything.”
“How can you know EVERYTHING if you’re only one God?”
“Think of an arm. It has muscles, bones, tendons, finger, skin. It’s still just an arm. I am like an arm. I am many different things at once, but I’m still just an arm. Everything in the universe reflects me, even an arm.” More silence. “Let me show you something.” He turned around and another gate appeared. They stepped through together.
Elias found himself standing on a beach with his family by his side. They were all talking to each other.
“This is when you were 5 years old. You remember this day don’t you?”
“Good, now watch.” 5 year old Elias was running with all his heart and jumping up and down. He closed his eyes and tried to run faster. Suddenly he looked down and he saw himself falling. There was a sharp rock right below him. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. He fell farther, and farther until he was only a foot from hitting the ground. The rock was directly below his eye. Then everything slowed down. The rock suddenly moved a foot away from little Elias. Elias hit the ground hard, and started crying. Then, a second later they were back to above earth.
“I moved that rock Elias.”
“I saved you because your life has a purpose and meaning to it.”
“If my life has such ‘purpose’ how come you let me commit suicide? Where were you then?”
“I never ever let you. You chose to. You have free will, but I can move a rock.”Elias was silent, again. It made sense, but he didn’t want it to. He wanted to be right. But he couldn’t conjure up an argument.
After a little while God said,
“Elias, would you like to see heaven?”
“Sure. I’ve always wondered what heaven as like.” God smiled as Elias said this, and then said “I know you have” just as another gate opened. “Follow me.” God turned around and walked through the gate. Elias followed him quickly. When he exited the gate, a breath was forced down his throat, that stayed there. Heaven was..... beyond beautiful. Everything was vibrant, and glowing. He felt like everything he had ever seen until now was dull and lifeless. The streets shined like gold, but it wasn’t gold. It was the colour of riches and extravagance. There were animals freely walking around. People were walking with tigers, and lions, not even a shred of fear lined their faces. They were joyful and skipping, dancing, not once had they stopped smiling. They were overjoyed. He wondered what it would be like to feel overjoyed, non-stop. There were gardens, and beautiful flowers everywhere. His eyes could hardly even focus on anything because everything was so brilliant.
After taking all this in, he realized that he was still holding his breath. He let it out.
“This place is.....”
“I know.” God laughed “I should know. I created it.”
“I.... What are all these buildings for?”
“They’re all rooms.”
“Oh. Could I see some of them?”
“Of course.” God took Elias to the first room. He knocked on the door, and a woman came out.
“Hello.” She smiled like there was no tomorrow. “How can I help you?”
“Hi Ashley, this is Elias. He was wondering what rooms look like.”
“Come in, please!” She beamed. “I was just about to go visit my friends.”
God smiled, nodded at her, and walked in as she walked out. He led Elias inside and took him to the center of the room. Elias’ jaw dropped when he looked at the walls. Explosions of 3D things popped out of the walls at him colours, shapes, and butterflies. There were things coming from every direction. Then suddenly the walls changed. There was a wide open field and the room seemed to expand into large grassy terrain with mountains in the distance. Elias went to touch the wall, but there was nothing there.
“How?” He was astonished.
“The walls become what she’s thinking of. Every time she thinks of something else, the walls change. She can go anywhere she wants with nothing but a thought.”
“Why wouldn’t she be afraid of us knowing what she’s thinking of.”
“There’s no room for secrets, fear in heaven.”
“Then where do they go?”
“I’ll show you, but not now.”
God took Elias out of the woman’s house, and they walked through the streets for a little bit. Whenever he passed someone they said hello, and were always smiling.
“Why is everyone so happy that they can’t stop smiling?”
This is heaven; there are no sad songs, only songs of joy, and happiness. No one ever cries here, unless they look down to Earth. Every time they see that broken world that Earth has become, they cry and say ‘what a sad sight’ or ‘how awful’. Come with me, I want to show you a different room.”
They arrived at the room that God had talked about after God had opened another gate, and they went through. The room was broken and grey. It was colourless. There was no joy in that room. It was completely wrecked and beaten up. Everything in it had been ripped to shreds.
“What happened to this room?” Elias asked.
“This room has fallen. It belonged to a woman.” God replied.
“What happened to her?”
“Oh. I’m sorry. How did she die?”
“She was killed in a car accident.”
“Where is she?”
“I’ll show you”
Surprisingly, God didn’t open a gate. He said “I want you to know where this is, because then you will be able to avoid it easily.” It was a painfully long walk from where they were. They came to a place where heaven ended. There was a big gate. God took Elias through it despite his reluctance. As they left, everything became duller, until it was greyer than Elias remembered Earth being. Then finally they reached what seemed to be an edge of the ground. There seemed to be nothing beyond it but smokey grey air.
“Look down. What do you see Elias?” God said without emotion.
Without a thought he looked down, and regretted it. There was a lake of fire burning like lava. People were screaming like Elias had never heard before. They tore their voices out yelling, crying out. They dug their fingernails into their heads. They screamed in agony. Then he saw figures of demented animals and fire leaping around, scarring his mind with their yelping; using voices that gripped his fear like nothing else. He turned away, half because of the images, half because of the heat scorching his face. The cliff from heaven to hell was so incredibly tall, yet the heat from the fire still reached him. It was hot enough all the way up here, he couldn’t even imagine how hot it was down there.
“What is this!?” He asked reluctantly
“HOW CAN YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO THOSE PEOPLE?!!! DO SOMETHING!!!!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SAVIOUR, REMEMBER? HOW CAN YOU LET THEM SUFFER LIKE THAT?”
“I did save them, long ago. But they rejected it. Why do you think I try to bring people to me so much? Why do you think I try so hard not to lose my children? Because I know what awaits them. I know what they’re walking into, and I want to help them. But they choose their own fate. It burns my soul to see this. Those people down there die every few seconds, but are re-born into the lake. Every time they die they feel heaven slip through their grasp. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to burn? These people will experience that feeling forever.”
“But what does this have to do with the grey room?”
You see that woman there?” Elias dared to peer down the edge again. He saw the woman he was pointing to. He also saw her agony and grief. “That room belonged to her. I tried to help her accept me. But she was too proud.” A tear fell from God’s eye. “She loved to lie out on the grass in the night, and watch the stars. Her favourite food was spaghetti. She loved the colour yellow, and was a great artist. Her favourite thing to paint was love. I used to show little bits of what love looks like, and she would paint it. But it’s all lost now. I miss her so much.” He started to cry. Elias had never imagined that God would be like this. He thought that God would be more of a happy, sunshine-y, fix your problems person. He never imagined him actually crying; right in front of him. In fact, he never imagined any of this. Not a bit.
“I need to show you something.” God said.
“What is it?” God didn’t answer Elias’ question. He only opened another gate, and walked through silently. Elias followed God; confused, but silent. When they reached the other side of the gate, Elias saw mountains, and piles upon piles of what looked like filled garbage bags. It was a landfill in God’s realm. Suddenly God pointed to something in the landfill. It was a cross.
“This is where you died, isn’t it?”
God smiled and said “You’re very intelligent Elias.”
“Why is there garbage here?”
“Oh. I get it; you’re going to show me all my sins, aren’t you.”
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I have no idea where your sins are.”
“But I thought you were all knowing.”
“I choose not to know this. But when people die, I come to them and I bring their sins to them, and judge them. If they go to hell they take their sins with them to hell, and the river burns hotter.”
“Then what happens to people’s sins when they go to heaven.”
He simply smiled and said “You’ll see.”
“What do you mean? I’m dead now. But if I had the chance.... I’d live my life differently. I understand you now. I wish I could live for you, but now....”
God laughed and waved. Then suddenly in the blink of his eyes, Elias was back in his cold, dark room with the knife still pressed gently to his throat.