"How rarely people in this world can come to an understanding!"
"You all are the lost generation!"
"Dearest, no, something's wrong... Del Del Del...
Dear God, I hope you will read it. I am not very much able to write... Someone else always does it for me, that... But it's not important.
Today is an important day. He already did almost everything, and I'm ready to begin implementation of plan. I am ready indeed! I'll begin work right now!..
We've already lived so much with him together... He's changed. I don't know why, but this time all's far more serious. This business is far more important. I feel it. I know it. I feel...
He walks thoughtful all the time. Nervous. Without mood.
Last time he struck with such force over a table, that it seemed to me, as though it will split up in half.
Then it didn't succeed to find a necessary code in any way; someone endeavored well, and we could not reach the desired aim.
Then we did not reach it.
But today all will be other gates. I trust sincerely in it. I trust that you will help us... you will help him... After all, exactly he must execute basic part of task. I help only. I am a modest helper.
And today I ask you for the help.
I beg about the help.
He needs that money!!!
He needs it so badly, Lord!!!
Not even he, she.
And this equals.
Help him. Nothing more is needed. Only help him to break through in that bank.
Help him to break through in that bank.
Today he threw me so strongly! I do not maintain already! I beg about the help...
I understand that he did not want. I understand that not his guilt...
But why was so strongly to beat me?! To me very!
It's already half a year since he became so nervous.
He's got some domestic circumstances...
I know. But...
I need help. No, he needs help!
Lord, help him!
Because, if he'll be fine, it will become better also to me!
Therefore help, Lord...
Help him to create that program...
Yours cell phone".
Today she felt better, and that's why I'm very thankful to you. Today she has rosy cheeks and smile on her face. Although, a smile never mounts from her wonderful lips.
She is very beautiful indeed... Especially her arms. Her skin. Her fingers. Her fingers are such beautiful. Only thin. Nobody in the world has such thin fingers! Only she. Exceptionally she!..
They caress me so gently...
I deify the touch of her fingers. Skin on them is tender, thin, and resilient. Hands of her always clean so, as though each time she washes them by the dearest soap. But this not so. She has such skin given by nature.
And she all such natural...
And how did it happen that now she's sick?!!
I am sad without her.
I miss our heartfelt talks expressed by the touch.
She is always so concentrated. We perfectly complement each other.
Without her I am sad.
On the rehearsals all is not as always.
And if she is not here, I'm unnecessary either...
Therefore I simply lie somewhere aside, trying to enjoy that what's possible to name the general rehearsal.
General rehearsal without her...
She was today.
She looks better indeed!
Eyes shine, and skin got rosier, cheeks are rosy either. Even voice got stronger!
Today she sang during the rehearsal!!!
I want everything to be as it used to be. I want her to be healthy. I want everyone to admire her. Because she is very capable! She is the best!
Heal her, Lord.
I know complaining is not nice, but...
I require vacations!
I am already so tortured!
How is it possible?!
I work from morning till evening!
I will burn out soon!!!
And all this because of her!
She does not erect eyes from me not for a second.
I do not maintain.
How is it possible staring at me all the time?!
A husband phoned today again.
After a talk she simply quietly put phone aside and captured me again!
She walks in a kitchen here and there all the time. Then sits down and looks at me again.
Some phobia begins to develop before this woman in me.
I begin to be afraid of her.
I am already afraid of her!!!
If everything will go well today, her husband would be paid a necessary sum.
Necessary for what?
I do not know!
She said something like this during today's talk with him.
Maybe, when that money will be paid to him, I will rest?
Very much on it I hope.
Awfully on it I hope!
Now she starts with smoking.
I can not stand smoke!!!
It penetrates, as it seems to me, inward me and begins to eat away everything that only left inside of me after so many years of incessant continuous labor.
Lately I work continuously indeed.
I require vacations.
I would say all this to her!
I would advise her to get up from it "aromatic" sofa and walk.
And then - to talk with husband.
They speak so rarely!
Since a girl became ill.
All began after the report about that illness!!!
Maybe I ask not about correct favor?..
Maybe it's not about vacation asking is needed, but about convalescence of girl?
If she will be torn off from my face for a second knowing that daughter is healthy, and will go with her for a walk...
If it will be so indeed...
Then I am ready to ask for it.
May her daughter get better.
May get better daughter of her.
MAY DAUGHTER GET BETTER!!!
And more - may her husband get the desired money.
May he take her away from me at least for a second.
May her daughter get better and man gets money.
Disorder ruled in a house. Seems as though nobody lives here. Higgledy-piggledy!
In a living room dust sat in the corners. Furniture begged for polishing, proposing the dirty window-panes, as though matt children's eyes full of hope. Some rags entwisted by the veil of dust were laid on sofas.
It was quietly.
Seemed everything died out.
But it was not so.
People only died.
Black skinning cover a little shabby in those places, where she was mostly touched... Touched once.
A black skinning cover a little shabby in those places, where she was mostly touched, was wrapped up in the warm blanket of silvery fiber. She felt cold. She needed warmness. She needed to find warmth. At least some part of it. At least crumb of heat.
She lived. She survived. But why? What was surviving in this world for? Whom did she live for? Who did the light that went out straight from her shine for? That light obviously was creating a form. There were two shining perpendicular lines. Two shining perpendicular lines...
"Whom do I live for?" - was asking the Lord a book.