I was walking down the sreet kicking a can out of my way. My head was bowed down my hands stuffed inside my jacket pockets. I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I started thinking to myself. Thinking about why I was so sad. Thinking about how nobody ever helped. Thinking about how God never helped me. There was a noise just a few feet from where I was walking. I didnt even lift my head. It was probably just a cat. But something else fell. This time I looked up to see. To see God.
I found God. On the corner of First and Amistad. Where the west was all but won. All alone. He didnt have anyone with him. It shocked me, I mean he was God. SHouldnt he have little angels floating around him? I saw a puff of smoke. I realized he was smoking. Smoking his last cigarette
“Where you been?” I said. I hoped he could answer my question. I deserved it. He never helped me make the right decisions in life. Thats why my life was so fucked up.
“Ask anything.” He whispered.
So he wasnt gonna answer my question. That really irritated me. I started yelling at him. Where were you. When everything was falling apart? These words triggered memories in my head. Memories I thought I'd locked away far in the back of my mind. But they came back. I just started remembering. I told him my memory. All my days. Were spent by the telephone. It never rang. And all I needed was a call. It never came To the corner of First and Amistad. God all you had to do was give me a call, I thought. All you had to do was lead me in the right direction.
I felt so sad all the time. I always felt so Lost and insecure. But You found me, You found me. Lying on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded. tears were getting the best of me again. I tried to hold them in but all that happened was my lip quivered. Causing me to cry harder. I managed to choke out what I'd been wanting to tell him for the longest time. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late. You found me, You found me
In the end, everyone ends up alone. Like me. You let him slip away. Losing him, the only one who's ever known. Who I am, who I'm not, who I want to be. No way to know, how long he will be next to me
Lost and insecure You found me, You found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late You found me, You found me
I looked at God. He hadnt said anything all this time. I was just rambling on but somehow it was encouraging. I felt he wanted me to tell him what I was thinking. And somehow I knew that he would love me no matter what I said to him. So I kept tellling him. My feelings just tumbled out and I couldnt control it. I kept talking. Early morning The city breaks I’ve been calling For years and years and years and years And you never left me no messages While I talked I was thinking. DOnt ask me how I did this. MAybe it was just Gods presence. I remmebered how I felt when I opened my mailbox each day expecting a letter, but going inside looking like a child that just found out Santa Clause didnt exist. You never sent me no letters You got some kind of nerve Taking all that I want
I felt so Lost and insecure and even though you never called. Even though you never wrote. Even though you never faxed, texted or contacted me. I forgive you cause You found me, You found me Lying on the floor Where were you, where were you? I bowed my head down again. I didnt want God to see my red rimmed eyes, now hurting because of y crying meshed with the cold wind pressing up against my face. I was surprised I had forgotten about the cold for these few minutes. I wanted to be at home, warm curled in my blanket reading a good novel. So I kept talking,more like whispering now, about how I felt. I closed my eyes, hoping to soothe the stinging they had to endure.
Lost and insecure You found me, You found me Lying on the floor Surrounded, surrounded Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late You found me, You found me I opened my eyes and saw that God wasnt there, but I still felt his presence. I didnt want him to leave. As I started walking down the street farther and farther I whispered to the wind. Why'd you have to wait,
to find me, to find me?