When I last laid eyes upon you the facts are that I was ill. More ill than I let anyone know.
I had a large cancerous tumor leaking blood into my throat. The tumor was growing with each passing day. I needed medical care and surgery and I needed it…quickly. I was very sick. No telling how long this tumor had been there and when it was combined with my other medical issues became…lethal.
This is a fact that to this day refuses to be acknowledged by those I thought I…knew.
Why? Why is this? Are the scars on my neck, and on my heart, not enough? How about the surgeon who cut out this large tumor? How about the head of Pathology at INOVA who confirmed the tumor and the thyroid was cancer? How about the fact that the ENTIRE thyroid had to be removed because of the cancer? What about the head of Radiology at INOVA who held my hand while I underwent sessions of scans, of radiology, of iodine treatments, all of which confirmed how sick I was and was necessary to limit this cancer from spreading.
While I was in the pre-surgery room I thought of my children. Of my family. Of my hopes for the future.
When I thought it couldn’t get any worse. It did. And it has.
However, I have done everything I know to get better. It is hard to get better when your world is destroyed, your loved ones kept from you, and legal matters hover over me bearing a weight that would have brought others….to their knees never to recover.
Each day I have thought of you. Prayed for you. Hoped for you. Worried about you. Loved you. Nothing will ever change that.
Sins of the Father? Regardless of if they are small, large, or many I take responsibility. There is no need to debate any longer. No need to take sides. No need to do anything but…heal. In order to heal, to truly heal, will take time and commitment and third party help. I welcome the opportunity.
I’ll gladly face a time, a place, in which we all can be honest. Even if that means years of work. Nothing is more important. This isn’t about money and it isn’t about…anything else other than for you and I, and for us, to rebuild whatever we can…while we can. I owe that you to. You owe that to me.
Though these facts are true what has enabled me to go on has been my faith in God, in Jesus, and our purpose here on this earth which includes me being your Father. This is an essential, and fundamental, fact/right that has been upheld by EVERY civilization upon this earth…as it should be.
It is a fundamental right recognized, including but not limited to, by our own US Supreme Court. I often pray for the courts (i.e. Local, State, and Federal) who are entrusted with making decisions about reuniting families torn apart by separation and/or divorce. I could write a series of novels about this but my efforts, my time, and my limitations keep me focused on…my children (individually and collectively).
Besides it being a right it is also a…responsibility. One that I cherish and one that I want to reaffirm.
As time allows I find myself reading the Bible and seeing that the “truth”, and the “law”, have intersected dating back for thousands of years.
I have found that (sadly) there are far too many people are confused about Jesus and/or God. Sometimes, as an example, they know enough to recite the story when the woman was brought before Jesus (during the time he walked upon this heart some 2000+ years ago) and accused of being caught in the act of adultery.
My thoughts about this specific story are many and they include the fact that adultery, even in biblical times, takes two doesn’t it? In this story I ask “where was the man”? Why was he not brought before Jesus and/or threatened with stoning?
This aspect of the Bible is commonly overlooked but it shows the hypocrisy. The fact that just because many stand against the few doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t make it true.
During this heated demand for justice, as the crowds grew larger with chants of “death” and or “stone her”, was made by the people who carried great power within the Jewish Temple what did Jesus do? He bent down and with one finger he wrote in the hard stones of the road. Not in dirt but in rock. Not spoken but written. The same type of streets are visible today in parts of Israel.
The words he wrote were (to paraphrase) “let him who is without sin cast the first stone”.
(Note: The first writing in stones was by God and given to Moses in response to requests by the Jewish people. This was to be the “law” and the covenant between God and the Jewish people. However, before Moses could fully make it down from the mountain the people had broken many of the “laws” and in response Moses threw down the stones…and they were broken. Before Moses had to the chance to return again to God, and get a second set of stone tablets of the “law”, the bible states that 3,000 people died as they had broken God’s law. The second time stones were written by God, Jesus in human form pertaining to the woman and adultery, was not about laws but an example of; kindness, grace, love, and holiness. This is, in my opinion, part of the new covenant).
These words were so truthful, made by the hand of the Lord himself, that the crowd diminished. The “law” of the Jewish faith, which required her to be stoned (and again not the man), had been broken. The grace of God/Jesus is much more than the words given to Moses on two tablets of stone. For there is eternal power in, and by, God/Jesus as well as eternal…truths.
As the woman held onto Jesus’ leg and gave thanks Jesus uttered the words “go and sin no more”.
The law said that this woman should die. The Jewish people, and leaders, had wanted her stoned. These same laws, and people, ignored the man who was part of the adultery. By the grace of Jesus was this sinner, and we all are, given the gift/blessing of…forgiveness.
This event (literally) changed the life of this woman forever as she will always be remembered, in part, via the pages of the New Testament.
This story confirms that the truth and the law are not always the same. That it takes courage to stand up for what is right. For what is true.
This story confirms just how beautiful, and (wholly) just, Jesus was. His grace was on display every hour of his life. His life, and lessons, resonated throughout Rome and it changed the world. But he is much more than a story. He lived. He breathed. He was beaten and scrounged. He suffered immeasurable pains.
During the day of his crucificition he was physically beaten to a heartbeat of death then came the burdens, and the darkness, of our sins. Our sins were carried into God personified. Into a spirit that was sinless. The only man (person) who ever walked this earth without sin. He took our sins over a period of hours. It is unimaginable the pains he went through.
It was at this time that Jesus cried out “My God my God why has thou forsaken me” . This is the only time he called his Father “God”. For this was when he knew the pains, and the ugliness, of sin.
Then after all of the prophecies were fulfilled he cried out “Abba (Father) it is finished” as he gave up his spirit and his humanly body.
No disrespect to other religions, or faiths, but they believe that the blood of “bulls and goats”, sacrificed each year to the high priest, cleansed their sins for 1 year. I choose to believe that 1 single drop of Jesus’ blood cleansed us all, if only we recognize/accept/be thankful/be joyful, etc., and that includes every generation since…and to come.
These facts have enabled millions upon millions of people to be sustained. To comfort them. To enlighten them.
Jesus, and his life, contrary to public opinion is NOT a religion…but a relationship.
Contrary to many “faiths”, including the Jewish faith, the blood running through our veins does NOT come from the Mother. This myth dates back centuries. But the facts are that a child’s blood comes from it’s Father.
That is why God choose a virgin in Mary as Jesus carried pure blood. Sinless blood. This is also WHY Jesus could not be born of a human male with lineage, or otherwise, to King David (as the ancient prophecies had stated). Hence, his lineage had to go back to King David though the virgin Mary. There was no other way and yet many (sadly), in other faiths, try to use this as a “technicality” to say that Jesus was not a descendant of King David. How can anyone deny they are not “related” to the one that carried them for 9 months in their womb? Absurd.
In order for Jesus to walk this earth, and die for our sins, he had to be in human form. He had to be…born. The miracles he did, the words he spoke, and the love and grace he shared confirmed (for anyone to see/affirm) that he was the “living God”.
Yet, again in other faiths/religions, they try to have it both ways. They say/acknowledge that Jesus was a “Prophet” but they fail to accept that he was God’s only son. In these faiths no other prophet was able to (including but not limited to); heal, raise the dead, heal lepers (who were condemned and were not even allowed to be anywhere near people without leprosy), have God himself say from the heavens (witnessed by many) that “this is my son in whom I am well pleased” on several occasions.
What type of Prophet commits blasphemy? Absurd x 2.
And then to be raised from the dead and glorified is not something that should divide us…but cause use to celebrate. To know firsthand how much God loves us all. To put our faith in God. In Jesus. And to understand that prior to Jesus there was the 10 commandments. After Jesus these laws, though important, were secondary to the relationship between each of us and God/Jesus as ordained by this giving of his life…for our sins. Not just mine. Not just yours. But for…ours (collectively).
It is not within our limited capacities to understand why God does what he does. But we should never deny what occurred. When it occurred. To detract into conversations about “why” is unnecessary. The point is that he sent his son, who he loved, to walk among us and then die…for each of us. Isn’t that enough?
The love that God had for all of us, in order to SEND (as in the Bible he SENT) his only son to die for our sins, is something that should never be; forgotten, minimized, and/or whimsically stated (verbally or otherwise). It is something that I believe with all my heart.
I am thankful to God each day for my children as they are; strong, intelligent, gifted, beautiful, loving, talented, caring, funny, passionate, handsome, and yet (as we all are)…imperfect. That doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that we are all…human.
As humans we have to be aware of time. Of seasons. Of our own mortality.
Too much time has gone by since I last saw you. Since I last hugged you. Since I last heard your voice. I hope, and I pray, that the time will come soon when this will change. When it does I will do nothing to dishonor the opportunity for my intentions are true.
I will always put my faith in God and in faith in man to (ultimately) ascertain the truth. Though it may not be easy it is…incumbent. It is…necessary. It is…essential.
I will continue to pray for my own children. For my own family. For friends. For loved ones. For neighbors. For every children on this earth. May we, individually and collectively, find a way to not only make this world a better place for one another but for those whose names, and faces, we will never see. For in doing so we honor God, and Jesus, and we redeem the blessings bestowed upon us. Even in these darkest hours I know this to be….true.
With love always.