i realized something in adoration on friday. i feel i need to write it down so i don't ever forget the realization You blessed me with.
i lose sight of the important things. i turn my back on You and everything i know is good. i do it because i think i can find a better solution. i take matters into my own hands because i think this is the way that i will bring about happiness, by creating it myself. but You create everything, especially happiness, and You are the only way any of us will ever attain it. i forget that sometimes, but i come back, eventually. sometimes it takes a few pokes and prods; other times it takes a house landing on top of me.
sometimes it takes a huge wake-up call for me to come back to You and You know that and send it. for the times i am lost, please be understanding. the nights that i pray please, just let me be the lost sheep a little longer, ignore me. i don't want to be the lost sheep, You are my sheppard. lead me home my Lover, Savior. lead me home my Master, Redeemer. i stumble getting up, but You help me. You point me towards Your Grace and Mercy and watch me as i run, as fast as i can, back to You. I move like rushing water towards the ocean. i run to the ends of the earth and keep going. i don't look back.
but, i do slow down. everything is blurring and i'm dizzy from running, but i am still walking towards You. i walk briskly and fervently in Your direction. I am careful and deliberate in my steps. but i am weak and i falter. though, i don't give up, yet. i crawl on my hands and knees back to the source, back to my Creator. i try to push past the emotions. i try to overcome the obstacles. i try, for You.
but even still, i grow weary, and i lay there on the path and i cry out to You. i tell You i need You, i can't do it alone. all i can manage to say is Carry Me, and i know You will.
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