My first boyfriend was Colton Meeker. He was basically what all girls go for. He had long blonde hair, was cute in a dorky way, and was an espiring musician. He was originally my best friend and we got close. He told me alot about himself. I learned that he had a shity family life and he had become depressed/suicidal. He told me he was a druggie and an alcoholic. He was sweet and nice. I was the only one who could talk him out of killing himself and I got him to quit drugs, alcohol, and I convinced him to get help. Before he left for rehab he said he had to tell me something. He told me his ex was having his baby and they had concieved while he was dating me. I promised that it didn't matter because he hadn't been in his right mind. He told me he loved me and Isaid it back. He told me when he got back he would make it up to me with a promise ring, if i would still be there when he got back. I told him I would wait for him no matter how long and that I would wear his ring. He left for 2 months. He came back and told me he loved me and he was going to pick out the ring. The next day e asked how my day was and I told him. I asked how his was and he said it was great. Him and his GIRLFRIEND had hung out. I couldn't say anything. We hadn't hung out. He had a new gf and didn't even bother to break up with me. I was hurt and in shock. What was I suppose to say? I told him I was happy he had fun and asked how many gfs he had while he was away. He said a few and he had a few before he left. I hung up and he never called back. I sat in my room, blared music, and cried myself to sleep.
Needless to say I was heartbroken. I was a zombie. My friends were worried. My best friend introduced me to this guy named James. He was nice and he made me laugh. When he asked me out I was hesitant but eventually Isaid yes. He seemed normal and he was older so he had his life planned out. When he told me he loved me Isaid it back. To this day Im not sure if I really meant it but he thought I did. He started to talk about graduation and getting married. I got scared. I didn't wanna get married. He started to scare me so Istarted to back off. He just pushed even more. He had plans to move close to me and wait till i graduated, get married, then he would go to the army. He scared me so much I ended it. I know Idid the right thing. I was sad I ended it because he made me laugh, but Icouldn't give someone what they wanted if Iwasn't ready.
Next I met the most amazing guy I will ever meet. His name was Armando. He was more than James and Colton ever could be put together. He could make me smile when I was down. He could make me fly when Iwanted to fall. He was everything I had thought Iwould never find. But there was a problem, his brother liked me. He let his brother date me. Iwent with it because he wanted me to and his brother was nice too. Then Armando went to the military. He went overseas and Igot a meswsage from his brother, my bf, saying Armando might die. He had been hurt. Once again, I cried. I realized Iloved Armando. I stayed with his brother becuase it was the right thing to do. His brother loved me and Iloved him, just nott like I love Armando. Lorenzo told me his brother was coming home, he had lived. Iwas overjoyed. After Armando had been home for a week Ifound out he had run away because their dad was abusive. I wanted to find him but we had no idea what to do. He finally came back after two weeks. Italked to Armando and got him to agree that he would tell me if he ever ran away again. Itold him my aunts house was open for him if he wanted a place. He told me it would be his first choice. By this time Lorenzo and Ihad broken up, we got in a bad fight. I was hurt again, Ihad putt forth an effort to be with him and he ended it. After a while Armando got me to open up and Itold him that his brother had meant something to me, but he meant more and Ididnt wnt to lose his friendship. He told me he would always be there for me. He also told me he had feelings for me, he said he thought he loved me. Before I could tel him how I felt, he said he couldn't date me after his brother fell in love with me. After a month he said he wanted to be with me, but he was going to move up here when he had the money, so we could really be together. He made me happy and I was willing to wait. I knew this guy really wanted to be with me. And he did. When he finally had almost all the money he told me he had to break up with his gf. I wasn't mad. We had said we would date other people while we waited. He suddenly text me for a month. I texted him and got his brother. His brother told me Armando had died in a car accident. I can't write down what I felt because there are no words for it. Itold his brother thanks for telling me and that Iwas there if he ever needed me. Then I cried myself to sleep for a week. To this day Imiss him like crazy. He made me feel loved and like I was worth something. And I lost him. Istill feel like he is watching over me to this day. When Ilook at the stars I can see his smile and hear his voice, Iget sad but Iget happy too. His memory will never fade.
I wasn't interested in anyone. I had a few offers but I never bothered to think about them. Armando was the one Iwanted and Icouldn't have him. No one could. I had a friend that decided her cousin and I would be perfect together. I let him add me on fb and we started talking. He was nice and he made me laugh. We got along reat and we opened up to each other fast. I didnt tell him about Armando because it was something Iwanted to keep to myself. We liked each other, and we told each other that. We wanted to make everything work. We had fights but we got over them. I had feelings for this kid. I was scared. I had learned a trick. EverytimeI got close to a guy I would push them away. I dont know how, but Isomehow know what to say to get the guy to stop talking to me. Ididnt ever want to that to marc, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt marc. But it happened. I pushed Marc away and for once, Iregret it. I want to fix things but they are beyond fixing. Once again I have destroyed my happiness and I wont forget what Idid to this guy. He was a good guy that didnt deserve to be hurt like I hurt him. I will always regret my desicion to push him away. Ihurt him more than I ever imagined. And I hurt myself. Last night while Iwas writing this he was cussing me out. He called me things Ideserved, but things that hurt. I made themistake of confiding in my friend. She told him that Iloved him and it backfired. She has noidea how much they bothhurt me in their own ways. I know she was trying to help but she doesnt understand that telling him that ruined my chance to make things better. I guess Idont deserve to fix things after all this.I will never heal my heart, I cant. Idont want to heal when Ieveryone I love gets hurt. Well this is mylife. Relationships are never worth your time.