Cross my Heart and Die

Starting New

The sun gradually descended behind the Vermont Mountains. The air was bitterly chilly, and the sky exuded a shade of opalescence. My grand father had just picked me up from Highland Airport, and we had a four-hour drive ahead of us.

Fairfield, Vermont is full of grassy hills, Maple Trees, and a population of less than two thousand. Every summer, and holiday my parents and I visited my grandparents. However, this was no vacation, it was permanent, and I was on my own. Never in my entire sixteen years would I have imagined that the two most important people would be taken from me, but some how I did imagine, some where in the back of my mind, I always knew that this sort of thing would happen to me, I just never said any thing. It was August, and an odd rainy day in LA California, a freak car accident that ended up in flames, and me out of the window. That was just three weeks ago.

Since I had no other family, the court judge put custody with my Fathers parents. They were willing to move to LA. Through, if I had friends or even a boyfriend I wouldn’t have objected. I was never a kind of person that would go and introduce herself. When people would ask to hang out, which was very rare; I would think of every reason possible not to attend. I never interrelated with people very well, almost to the point of social phobia. No one really noticed… but I did. To my first dance I brought a book with me, and only stayed fifteen minutes, It was an awful experience. People always told my parents how mature and polite I was, and that was when I was seven.

As for the boy part, they never gave the impression of being interested. I’m not unattractive…or beautiful, pretty maybe. I’m not terribly skinny or fat. I guess I’m just normal, more dominate than recessive. Nevertheless, my brown eyes and odd colored skin never caught the attention of boys.

All of this I contemplated while trying to make small talk with my grand father. I wasn’t doing such a good job. So I just blurted out whatever I was thinking.

“Where’s Grams?” I took my eyes off the sunset and stared at his face that reminded me so much of my father, except with more wrinkles.

“Oh, ah…she’s not feeling to well today.” He took one hand off the wheel, removed his fishing hat, and ruffled his gray hair. It seemed he wanted to avoid the subject, so I said no more.

“Ace…forgot to tell you, we enrolled you into a school.” Wow! That was a surprise; I just started my senior year. Since my birthday was in October I got the privilege of starting school when I was four.

“Which one?” I was curious; they only had an elementary and middle school.

“Ah…BFA High School,” he reached in the glove compartment and handed me a folded piece of green paper. “Here’s the information, and directions… you have your license?”

“Yes,” I said abstractedly while taking the paper. After unfolding it, I noticed there were only four hundred students that attended. Two schools had the same name, but mine was located in Fairfax. Something my grandfather said caught my attention. Having your license meant a car, and I didn’t have a car.

“Gramps, am I taking the bus?” I wanted him to bring up the car ordeal.

“There’s no bus… you have to drive there.” Ok. Unfortunately I was going to have to say something or else was walking.

“I don’t have a car.” I didn’t want to mention that I didn’t have enough money either. My bank account was limited, and work in a town as small as Fairfield is scarce.

“That’s not a problem. I talked to Joe down at the bait shop,” I smiled. Joe was the funniest fisherman I’ve ever met; he always was a sweet talker.” He agreed to fix up the old Tacoma, you remember.” That really sums it up.

“Joe fixing a car?” Joe was not the kind of person that would normally fix cars.

“Yes it’s a shocker but he’s good…I trust him...” I smiled; Gramps would never give me a car that didn’t run properly.

“Thanks Gramps.” He gave me a one armed hug, and I stiffened, but not enough for him to notice. I never liked hugs, handshakes, any thing to do with touching. Another one of my phobias; but one that I could endure.

“No problem.” He released me and I let out my breath softly.” When he heard it was for you, he made sure everything was working. He even got it a paint job.” We both started to laugh.

I had no clue what else to talk about. We only had about two hours left to drive. It was seven thirty, and to dark to read. I decided to shut my eyes for awhile. It was a good thing I brought my school supplies, little that I had. It was hard to fall asleep, but I kept my eyes closed to avoid conversation.

I love to day dream, or in this case night dream. I thought about what I would be doing right now if my parents were alive and recalled the night one month before their death. My mother was watching her favorite show while listing to my father lecturing me on collage applications to every collage in the United States. We were debating on Pepperdine University and Stanford by the time my mother cut in. Because I never liked to be late, my applications were the most likely the first ones sent. I had already changed the mailing address on account of wanting to keep my mind busy instead of funeral arrangements. After a while I felt myself getting sleepy.

“Ace…Aceline, we’re here.” My eyes resisted opening, but I forced them. I woke up as we pulled up to a two story house that I now called home. The porch light was on, and the wind swung the wooden swing creating a creaking sound. I wrapped my jacket tightly around me, and walked towards the house. It reminded me of the houses that painters painted in their masterpieces.

“Ace! You’re here!” Grams ran thought the door in a flower night robe with curlers in her hair.

“Grams” my voice was dry from sleeping, and she gave me a huge hug. I never stiffened with her, she would have noticed for sure. From the corner of my eye, I saw a forest green Toyota Tacoma with headlights across the top, it was better than nothing.

“Come, come, its cold.” Her eyes gaped at my only bag. ” Is that all you brought?” I nodded and she shook her head as if disapproving. She led me inside the warm house, and I felt like I stepped into Red Ridding Hoods shoes. It smelled like firewood and maple syrup, it had a cottage feeling. The Oakwood floors creaked under my feet, and quilts of every kind hung and laid on the couch and chairs. Gramps followed my stare.

“I hope you don’t mind being left alone, Grams has a quilt shop while I work in the maple field.” He sounded earnest, but I didn’t mind, I like to be alone.

“No, not at all.” I walked over to grab my bag and stopped. On the table was pictures of my parents and I, scattered all over. It was hard for me not break down and cry. I suppressed the tears for so long that I couldn’t let them take over now. I bit my tongue.

“Ellen! I told you to put those away,” Gramps grabbed a box and angrily threw the photos in. I was still frozen, and flinched when Grams laid her hands on my back.

“Ace … sweetie I’m so sorry.” Her blue eyes brimmed with tears, and I felt sorry for her. It must be hard to lose your only son.

“It’s ok…I think I’ll go to bed, what time does the school start?” My face hinted no sign of sadness.

“8:00, oh, Joe dropped of the keys to the Tacoma. It’s in your room.” Grams half smiled and went back to her quilts. Gamps lead me up stairs to the room I always slept in. It is my favorite place in the entire house. I guess the reason was because it was the only room with a balcony that overlooked a grass field. It was most likely brown now, except in the spring when the wildflowers conquered the field, and exhibited an array of beautiful colors.

“There’s an alarm clock over by the dresser, you should wake up early. BFA is about twenty minutes away from here.” He left me alone to unpack and get settled. Gramps was never a person who would pester you with questions. Grams on the other hand was like a moth to a light bulb. Today however, it seemed that she would leave me unaccompanied, and for that, I was glad.

The room was warm and welcoming. It seemed to be the same, except it felt smaller. The bed was centered, and had quilts laid and folded neatly. The oak dresser matched the wooden floors. There was a desk that opened and closed, I felt too weary to open it. Drapes covered the door to the balcony, and the window. The flower wallpaper seemed to have multiplied, and lace covered every inch of fabric.

“This is going to get annoying.” I mumbled to myself. Grams didn’t appear to be sick, why would Gramps lie about something like that? I pushed that thought away. I was really nervous about tomorrow …school… I wasn’t going to think about that either, I would have enough trouble trying to fall asleep. Putting away my things under the bed, I found my lightly used diary. I remember taking the pages out because I wanted it to be perfect. However, this one diary I never took home with me, I actually forgot I ever had it. Flipping through the pages, I only spotted one entr, when I was ten. I could hardly make it out, and it had many spelling errors. I was going to lay out my clothes for tomorrow, when I heard Grams voice, apparently she was in a talkative mood.

“Ace? Are you sleeping?” Grams hesitated, I felt akward, something I never felt with grams.

“No, come on in.” she looked around and noticed I was already unpacked.

“Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, thank you.” We sat on the bed at the same time, while her eyes wandered through the room and landed on the picture by the dresser.

“I have to tell you something?” Grams eyes where very distant, almost as if she wasn't there.

" About?” Staring into my face, deciding, she shook her head.

“Never mind it’s not important.” She started to get up, and I softly grabbed her arm.

“Grams, tell me.”

She sighed. “Your father was very different. He was one of kind. He always newthat he would die before me..." Grams glanced at the floor while she talked. " This town has changed, and not for the better." She laughed darkly speaking to herself." If I could tell you the storys."-she sighed agian." another time...it's late."

“And what does this have to do with any thing?” I kept my voice level, Grams didn't seem like her regular self.She stared at me...There was a tightness on my throat, almost like someone was choking me. She looked out the window, her face fearfull. I closed my eyes breathing deeply. When I opened then back up the door slamed shut. Grams had left, and in her place was a letter. I recodnized the writing...my fathers. My hands were shaking as I closed them in a tight fist. There was something definitly wrong, but that speculation could wait. I dissmissed Grams's odd behavior on the account of a griving mother.

Holding the letter, I prepared to open it, but stopped.

“Sorry dad but I’m not crying over stupid letter.” I ran and opened the window trying to swallow the lump that was in my throat. It was pitch black out side, just like the hole in my spirit. I only let one tear escape, and threw the letter in to the darkness, along with the sadness, and let the rage fill the holes in my heart. Finally, I laid my clothes out, set the alarm, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

The light was blinding when I opened my eyes. It took awhile to figure out where I was. I was about to get up when there was a knock at the door.

“Can I come in?” Gramps voice was heard behind the door. Good, I didn’t want to talk to Grams.

“Sure,” I quickly sat up and checked the clock 6:45, apparently the alarm doesn’t work.

“Your awake, that’s good.” He came over and planted himself on the quilt covered bed. Atleast he seemed normal.” The schools somewhat hard to find. Do you remember Rob and Rebecca’s boy?” Oh yes, I remember them, the family with all R’s.

“Raymond right?” Raymond was the redhead that always got me into trouble; he lived next door.

“Yes, we call him Ray now, but he goes to BFA to. He usually takes the bus, but they don’t have that this year. I was talking to is mom and, look I know it your first day… if you need help…” he searched for words and seemed to be embarrassed.

I smiled.” Does he want a ride?”

“Yes,” he chuckled and stood up.

“I could use a guide.” An awkward silence made me ask the question I’d put off since last night. “When Grams came to talk with me, she didn’t look that sick.” His eyes were mystified.

“When did she come to you?”

“Right after you left…or like fifteen minutes after.”He searched his thoughts.

“We stayed downstairs till twelve…” His eyes searched my face; he appeared concerned. How could Grams be two places at once? Unless that wasn’t Grams. Whatever, I was scaring myself.

“Did you see your gift?” Gramps walked over to the desk that opened, and lifted the lid. There was something that I never thought would be in this house.

“ Gramps! You got a computer?” It wasn’t high tech, but still…Gramps was never the one to own such electronics. I’m surprised that he even had an alarm clock, Gramps and Grams could probably pass for Amish if they wanted to.

“Well, I figured you’d need it for school, Rob and Ellen spent all day trying to figure out how to work it. It was just a little white lie.” He closed the lid and headed towards the door. Out of nowhere came Lady, the brown and white sheep dog. I was wondering where she was.

“There you are Lady.” Gramps scratched her ears while her tail was wagging practically one hundred miles an hour.

“You keep Ace company now.” He smiled and winked.” Have a good day. Ellen will be home around six, you can visit her if you’d like to. The maple farm got’s me working till eight.” Gramps worked making maple syrup. Fairfield made the best. That’s where the tourist go on the weekends, other than that you had to go to St. Albans to watch movies or shop for any thing.

“Hey Lady, you miss me?” Lady rolled over and I scratched her stomach. Gramps whistled and she ran out like a bullet.

I sighed and stretched as the sun was still peeking over the field. After dressing and doing the best I could with my hair, I prepared to leave. I delayed and gazed at my reflection in the mirror, and laughed.

What I saw was highly disappointing. My black hair, which was actually a very dark brown, was shorter than my shoulders, but long enough to tie in a ponytail. I left it down and parted to the side. My yellow under toned skin was paler than usual.

“Oh well, I don’t care.” Moreover, I didn’t. It’s not like anyone was going to notice me anyways. I’m determined to be a wall. Walking back to my room I had about thirty minutes before I had to leave. I strolled on to the balcony and gasped at what was before me. The sun was still half way over the greenish-brown hills. It felt as if I was sailing on a sea of gold with no destination.

Then I saw him. He was sitting near the Forrester’s yard on the rock I used to play on when I was younger. It wasn’t Ray for sure. However, for such a distance I barely saw his face. He was a marvel, looking to the side, not directly at the sun, but somewhere else. His black hair was like mine, except it was jet black, the blackest there ever was. His skin was a beautiful golden white color in the suns rays. To my humiliation, his face turned to mine, and I looked away immediately. I felt my face blush scarlet. Daring to see his face again, I discreetly glimpsed his way. He was still staring at me, but with worry and inquisitiveness. I shook my head and peeked once more. He was gone! So fast? What was he so worried about?I went back inside and checked the clock…7:20…Crap! I was late! I still had to pick up Ray.

I snatched my bag and keys while rushing down the stairs. I was prepared to dash next door but Ray was surprisingly there already.

“Oh…” I opened the door too quickly and it slammed into him. “Sorry! You ok?” That was a nice way to greet some one.

“Ace, hey…ya I’m fine.” Ray had a very prominent face; with freckles all over, he was ok looking. Ray stared at me, “wow, you look…different.” Okay, was that supposed to be an insult or compliment?

“Um…thanks, we should get going, we might be late.” I was rushing; I hated to be late, to anything.

“Ya, lets go!” we ran to the truck and I jumped in the driver’s side.

“This looks like the truck Joe was fixing.”

“It is.” Gladly, it started with no flaws. The inside, I could tell was professionally cleaned. Joe must really feel sorry for me.

“So, where to?” I said as I pulled out.

“Uh…head southwest on North Road, then Turn right at Buck Hollow.” Ray was playing with the radio.

“I’m sorry about your parents…your grandma told me.” He looked down at his lap.

“It’s ok…How many people did she tell?” Grams was an old woman that gossiped about everything and everyone; it was never unpleasant.

He looked to the side, and made a face.” Not a lot, just the whole town, and some.” -He looked at me-“Everyone’s glad you moved here.”Ray was staring at me; it was weird. I wonder if he knew anything about the boy, I saw near the Forrester’s yard. I hoped that he wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“Hey…did…did the Forrester’s move?” I said more or less reluctantly.

“No why?” Ray gave me an awkward look. I almost regretted asking him.

“Well…”-I took a deep breath.-“I ah. I saw someone, a guy by there backyard. I guess it’s nothing.” He started to laugh.

“That must have been Wyatt; he’s there grandson or something. Why you like him?” Scratch almost, I regretted it.

“No, I was just curious.” Why would he automatically think I liked him? Heck! I didn’t even know him. My hands griped the wheel.

“Every other girl at school does, you know, fresh meat and all. If you ask me, I wouldn’t get involved with him, he seems like bad news, and he’s way to polite.” Jealousy colored his tone.

“Whatever,” this was the exact reason why I never do well in social situations.

Finally, we arrived at BFA High School. The buildings appearance was like a hospital.

“The student parking lot is over there.” Ray pointed to a fairly small parking lot that only held about one hundred cars. The butterflies in my stomach didn’t want to settle down. I took a deep breath.

“Don’t be nervous, were nice here.” I nodded.

“Do you need a ride home?” please say no.

“No, I’ll get a ride with one of my friends.”

We were walking towards the school entrance when a boy with a bad after-shave came up to us.

“Ray, what’s up?” They slapped hands and he looked at me, or my body I should say.” Who’s this?”

“Oh, this is Aceline, or Ace …Ace this is Mark.” I smiled sheepishly and tried to look for the front office.

“So… Ace, did you just move here?” reluctantly I answered him.

“Yes,” I wanted to make a run for it when I saw group of people approaching them. “Ray where’s the office? I should get my schedule.” I said impatiently.

Mark answered instead.” Go through the front door and to the right you should see the sign, I’ll go with you.”

“No! I mean, I could find it.”

Ray punched him. ”Hey!”

“I’ll catch up with you later Ace.” Ray smiled and so did Mark as they walked to their group of friends. Finally alone.

The inside of the school was nice. I could defiantly tell that this was a hospital before. White walls, tile floors, and blue doors. The office was nice…open. There were flyers about different clubs, and posters with the regular Just Say No! On it. I walked towards the desk that said New Students, and saw a lady with blond hair.

“Hello there, are you new?” She smiled and put on her glasses.

“Yes.” I said quietly.

“Name?” She looked at the computer.

“Aceline Thrush.” She started to type and then look up.

“Aceline?” Her eyes brightened.” Your Gary and Ellen’s granddaughter…I’m sorry about your parents.” This was getting repetitive.

“It’s ok.” I just wanted to get out of there. She handed me a schedule. In the middle of handing me the papers, she took my hand in her’s. I felt my eye’s get wide and my breath stop.

“If you need anything, anyone to talk to, you can talk to me.” Are you serious? This town is way to nice for me, I felt the anger from last night return, and I wanted to just punch her in the face…and it surprised me.

“Thank you.” I walked out when the bell finally rang.

Usually it was nice on the first day of school. My parents and I moved practically every year. We never stayed in one place, and with that, I switched schools almost every year. The first day was always the same, no one notices me, and I went though the day as if I was never there. However, there were thousands of students instead of four hundred. At BFA, everyone stared, everywhere I went a pair of eyes followed me.