On one starry night, there sat a young man at a bar. He was staring into his cup of coffee with a faraway look in his eyes. He had had a very tiring day at work and felt that he needed a break at the bar. Then, a young woman with black hair, a party dress and a dog under one arm entered. The young man looked up, startled by his surroundings for a second. He looked at his watch and seeing the time, paid for his drink and left the bar.
“Bob, is that you?” The black-haired woman asked while Bob was on his way to exit the bar.
“Yes, this is he. And who are you?”
“Bob, it’s me… Bonnie!”
Bob’s gloomy face suddenly lit up.
“Bonnie? Is that you?! I can’t believe it! It’s really you!”
They embraced for a very long time until they continued to talk.
“Wow, you’ve changed since the last time I saw you,” commented Bob.
“Well, maybe we should catch up at another place. This place is stuffy,” said Bonnie, as the dog barked.
“Maybe another time, Bonnie. I’ve got an early staff meeting at work tomorrow. I’ll call you,” Bob said.
He got into his car and drove home to his apartment. He turned on his answering machine:
Message received today at 16:45
“Bob, it’s David here, don’t forget to bring the documents to the meeting tomorrow. Catch ya later.”
Message received today at 16:58
“Hi, it’s Phoebe from the orthodontist centre. Your retainers are ready to collect. Please make an appointment as soon as possible.”
“Damn orthodontist. At twenty, with braces, everyone’s laughing at me,” muttered Bob. “But that Dr. Phoebe Moore lady is quite nice… only good thing at the orthodontist.”
The next morning, he hit the snooze button one too many times. He almost forgot to bring the documents. Luckily, the traffic wasn’t too bad and he made the meeting on time.
“Good morning Bob!”
“Hey, David. I got your message. Here are the documents.” Bob handed the documents to David.
“Thanks mate!” David winked at him. “I’m meeting up with my girlfriend, Chloe, later on. Would you like to join us with your special lady friend?”
“I think I’ll pass. I gotta go to the orthodontist,” Bob declined.
Bob was a journalist working for New York Time. The meeting with his boss and fellow journalists was once again useless. Bob rushed to the orthodontist to see his special lady.
“Hello. Have you made an appointment?”
The lady wasn’t Phoebe. It was an ugly ogre Miss.
Then Bob ran out of the orthodontist, feeling utterly disappointed.
“Now… what happened to Phoebe?” he asked himself. He then brushed off the thought, assuming she was sick.
Indeed, Phoebe was sick. She had a dreadful cold. Meanwhile, Bob was in search of a new job. Journalism just wasn’t what he thought it would be. He wanted to express himself, not the views of his ancient chief editors.
Time for another coffee break. He walked over to a local café and ordered a cappuccino. He saw a beautiful girl in the distance; it was Phoebe… and she was with a man! He looked quite old and spoke with an Australian accent. Bob couldn’t help but eavesdrop.
“Darling wife, I’m going to be away for a whole week for work.”
“Oh, I’m going to miss you. Promise to call me every night.
Phoebe was married?! Now that was shocking news for Bob. He thought back to the orthodontist appointments. Phoebe had been nice but had never given any indication that she saw him as more than a patient. And how could he have thought that the diamond ring on her left ring finger was just decorative?!
“Honey, I’m gonna go home now. I’ve got a really bad headache.” Phoebe’s voice – she sounded sick – broke into Bob’s thoughts.
“Alright, get some rest and don’t go back to work until you’re fully recovered. I don’t want you to get overworked,” Phoebe’s husband replied.
Bob realised that his coffee break was well over and rushed back to work. As he passed David’s table, a copy of New York Time caught his eye. It was open at the job section and he couldn’t resist having a quick squiz through it. Maybe he would finally find his dream job…
Not satisfied with you current job?
Then why not call us?
We guarantee you will be satisfied!
Call us on 0284 563 2441
Bob picked up the phone and dialled the contact number.
“Hello, Cleopatra’s services. How can I help you?”
“Um… hi,” stuttered Bob. “M-m-may I ask what t-the job involves, b-b-because I’m looking for a-a-a job alternative… Oh, a-a-and what are the j-j-job requirements?”
“Oh, you’re calling about the job vacancy! Unfortunately, the position has been filled. Would you like to leave your details for any future vacancies?”
“No, it’s okay. Bye”
“Thanks for calling.”
Bob happily put the phone down. He disliked the feeling of awkwardness. He looked at another job promotion…
Need excitement and fun in your life?
Need a change from the ordinary?
Need to express yourself like never before?
JOIN THE PRISCILLAS WHERE THE FUN NEVER STOPS!
Note: Only males will be accepted.
0273 463 7329
“Hmm…,” thought Bob. “This sounds interesting.” He picked up the phone and dialled the number. As the phone rang, he thought: “Finally! A job where my requirements actually fit!”
The phone continued to ring. Bob waited for someone to pick up.
“You have reached Priscilla’s. We’re not available right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone.”
¯Pick up your phone¯Pick up your phone¯
“Gee… my mobile phone,” Bob thought.
Bob hung up on Priscilla’s and couldn’t leave a message.
“Hello, Bob speaking?”
“Hey, it’s Bonnie.”
“Bonnie?! How did you get my number?”
“Don’t you remember? You gave it to me that day…”
Bob didn’t recall giving Bonnie his number, but nevertheless…
“Anyway, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thanks. I called you because I wanted to see you…”
Bob suddenly froze.
“Meet me?!” Bob was in utter shock. He hadn’t dated a girl ever since 1999 – fourth grade – and this was Bonnie! He had no idea what to say or do.
“Um… yeah… Oh, I gotta go. See ya!” Bob quickly hung up out of anxiety.
“I’ve lost all of my girl socialising skills,” thought Bob.
Suddenly, an orange clad woman impacted with him, spilling her Fanta over his white shirt.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed.
Bob did a double take.
“Sally? Sally Kingfisher? Is that you?”
“Oh! Bob Carl! I remember you – back row, Northshore tutoring, Year 10 and 11,” Sally said happily, recognition dawning on her face.
“Sally! Long time no see! How are you?”
“I’m doing fine, thanks. I wish I could talk more, but I was in the middle of picking up my daughters from childcare.”
Bob’s happiness dropped right below zero. Just when he was planning on going out with Sally… Sally was married… and with kids.
“Well then, see ya Bob!” Sally leaned in to peck Bob on the cheeks. As she did, she slipped a note into Bob’s left pocket. The note read:
I know you’re looking for a job.
I suggest you try out for the Priscilla, Queen of the Desert gig.
I’m a backstage worker.
Bob decided to call it a day and made his way home. On the way home he stopped at the bar. Bob’s day had been so bizarre. He had found out that his crush, Phoebe, was married, he hadn’t been able to apply for a job and he had bumped into Sally.
“Oi! Can you give me a beer,” Bob called out to a bartender.
“Yep! Beer coming your way.”
The bar door opened and in came David and his girlfriend Chloe. Chloe was furious. She had just found out that David was a homosexual and had secretly been in love with Bob. Chloe had nothing against homosexuals, but to lie and fool her was intolerable! She gave David a slap on the face. Then she saw Bob.
“Why don’t you just marry Bob,” she said loudly to David.
Bob turned his head towards the direction of Chloe. Everything looked very blurry as he had drunk one too many beers. Chloe walked over to Bob.
“Are you Bob?”
“Well, that’s my name.”
Before Chloe could utter anything else, the bartender walked over.
“Excuse me, ma’am, but I’ll have to ask you to take your fight outside.”
“No need,” Chloe scowled. She faced David. What did I ever see in him? How could he lie to me?
“It’s over,” she told him and left the bar.
David stayed where he was – dazed. Bob was just a friend from work. This was a huge misunderstanding. Chloe had hallucinated that he was gay. He would have to talk to her about drug use again. When they first started going out, Chloe had vowed to stay off drugs.
“Looks like she had a relapse,” David thought, “I’ll go and see her in the morning; after she’s had a good night’s sleep to get it out of her system.”
Meanwhile, Bob had collapsed due to excess alcohol consumption. When he woke up, he saw a pretty Asian nurse opening the blinds to let in the warm rays of the sun.
“Hi Bob! How are you? I’m Nurse Sabrina Somersault,” she smiled at him and he felt his heart skip a beat.
“Urgh,” Bob replied groggily, “do I know you?”
He screamed as he pulled down the blankets to reveal a horrendous hospital gown with an open back.
“Who dressed me?!”
“I think I did,” Nurse Sabrina replied.
“Um… This is a hospital! Argh! Why am I here?!” Bob yelled out of confusion.
The pretty nurse rested her hand on Bob’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry. You drank too much alcohol last night and so you were brought here.”
Bob’s heart did a little something when Nurse Sabrina placed her hand on his shoulder.
“Oh…,” Bob simply said.
Bob didn’t want to leave the hospital as he felt that he was falling in love with the beautiful nurse.
While Bob was eating his lunch, Nurse Sabrina came in.
“You’ve got a visitor.”
She left and Sally Kingfisher came in and gave Bob a flower bouquet.
“Hi Bob, how are you? I heard you were in hospital and I just had to come and see you.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Bob was confused. He didn’t know who he liked better; the girl decked out in purple, or Nurse Sabrina. It didn’t help that his head hurt like hell. Sabrina came bustling in with Bob’s lunch, and there was an air of jealousy surrounding the room.
“Hi, sorry to disturb you.” Sabrina set up lunch for Bob and quickly ran out as her pager was beeping like crazy. The pager read 0242 832 6920
“Gosh! It’s Joel!” Sabrina squealed excitedly. She quickly ran to a local telephone booth and called her boyfriend.
“Hey, sweetie. How’s everything in the hospital so far?”
“Everything is great!”
“I just called to let you know that I’m going to pick you up from work today; if that’s okay with you?”
“That’s fantastic! I love you so much!”
“I love you too.”
Bob ate his second lunch while he talked with Sally. After she left, he tried to sort his thoughts. Why had Sabrina brought him another tray of lunch? Was it an excuse to see him? Was she jealous of Sally?
“Yes,” he concluded. This gave him a happy feeling, as two girls were fighting over him; in contrast to being a lonely guy. “I should drink more often.” thought Bobby boy.
Sabrina dashed back to the hospital. Then she realised she had given a couple of her patients a second serving of lunch. What a silly doofus! Nevertheless, she was happy Joel was picking her up in the evening. She waited outside and Joel pulled up in his rusty, yellow VW Beetle. Sabrina’s sensitive nose picked up a sweet flowery scent from Joel’s shirt.
“Honey, are you using a new aftershave? I don’t think it suits you.”
“Um… yeah... I-I-I’ll throw it out l-l-later.” Joel stammered, avoiding eye contact.
“I should start wearing home signature perfume,” Sabrina thought. “Hey Joel, buy me that perfume for our anniversary!”
“Er… sure thing… honey,” Joel replied shiftily. “So how was your day, sweetie?”
“It was okay; nothing unusual. And how was your day?”
Joel began to blabber on about his day at work. Sabrina started to tune out. Something wasn’t right. Joel wasn’t himself. As he was talking about his day at Super Saver Supermarket, Sabrina realised something: she had never visited him at work. Maybe something happened at work, thereby making Joel act unlike himself. She decided to go and visit him at work one day; she would sneak out during a lunch break.