Cat sat on the floor, looking at some papers that she had gotten from Math class. She hated math, and it showed on her face as she worked out each problem.
I stared out of her bedroom window, waiting for her to finally finish so that I could bother her; she was taking forever…
As the sun sank lower behind the trees and beneath the window pane, I secretly observed Cat’s reflection in the glass. She swept wisps of straight, blonde hair behind her delicate ear; then becoming frustrated, she shook her head and scribbled angrily across her crumpled sheet of paper.
“Cat, why don’t you just quit and start again tomorrow?”
“Because I don’t wanna be bothered with it tomorrow,” Cat retorted.
“You’re so stubborn,” I mumbled at her reflection.
“Damn right I am,” she responded.
I moved down to the edge of the bed, and gazed down upon her. She scratched the top of her head and scrawled her final few answers on the paper.
“Are you done yet?”
“Yes, thank goodness,” she said, laying out on the floor.
I glared down at her, and for the first time in a long time I was afraid of myself. I wanted to lie down on the carpet beside her--or on top of her even--and suck the living breath out of her warm body.
“What?” Cat yelped suddenly.
She startled me. I had been staring and didn’t realize it.
“Cat…” I whispered, pouting pitifully in her direction.
She rolled over onto her stomach and began to crawl over to me.
“Whaaaat?” she teased, kneeling at the side of the bed.
“I just…” I stuttered--feeling deeply embarrassed within.
“You just what?”
I squinted my eyes and twiddled my thumbs. “Could I kiss you again?”
Cat blushed and pulled her taut, upper lip down to meet her plump bottom one to form a straight line across her pallid face. The last few beams of dying sunlight painted Cat’s face--as well as the walls of her room--a deep, orange-gold.
She looked up at me with eyes-open-wide, and slowly stood up beside the bed.
“Go ahead,” she said, sitting down next to me.
I managed to release a trembling sigh, then slowly leaned towards Cat. Her pale-green eyes danced around in the dying sunlight. The closer I came to her lips, the deeper I needed to breathe. I was quickly becoming faint--dizzy; but I wasn’t discouraged.
Cat moved a little closer, but she didn't act. She waited for me to make the first move. I pressed my trembling lips softly into hers, then quickly pulled away… I opened my eyes briefly to read her expression, but she didn’t have one. She sat perfectly still with her eyes closed.
But, she was breathing harder than what she had been breathing at first--I think… I don’t know. Maybe I should explore? Just what else would she allow me to do?
I kissed her again, emboldened by my curiosity, and she slowly reclined--until her back lay flatly on the bed; her eyes were still closed and her chest rose and fell rapidly. Oh my God, what am I doing?
I moved down further to kiss her neck--and, I lingered there, for I had always admired it. It was lean and supple--soft though very tense. Oh, I tried my damnedest to kiss the tension out of Cat's neck.
Tenderly, I pressed my lips between her neck and shoulder, then gradually pressed harder. And, that’s when she frightened me. Cat released a suppressed moan through her closed teeth.
I paused for a second, shocked and scarcely realizing what it was that I had actually been doing for the past five minutes. She ran her fingers through my hair and slowly pulled my head back down towards her shoulder, gently forcing my lips to touch her neck again.
I obeyed and felt another slow moan rising in her frail throat. And then, she released it--a deep, hollow sigh, finely mingled with a whine.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I pulled away from her and sat upright in the bed, breathing heavily and brushing my hair back behind both ears.
“What’s wrong,” Cat asked, leaning up on her elbows.
I took one deep breath, my lips trembling upon exhaling, and looked away from Cat--feeling continuously ashamed of whatever it was that I had just allowed myself to do to her.
“Jen,” she sighed, sitting upright and hugging me, “it’s okay, really.”
She tried to encourage me, cupping my blushing face in her hands and kissing my neck. I honestly wanted her to continue, but by the same token, I wanted her to stop. Feeling wretched, I winced and pulled away.
“I can‘t,” I whispered.
She nodded and turned away.
It was dark by the time we got our vaulting hormones under control. We laid down beside each other in her bed for hours. I slightly curled into fetal position, and looked out of the window at the dark outline of trees rustling in the tacit wind.
I could feel Cat’s body lying next to mine, and I wanted her close… but I wouldn’t dare admit it. But soon, I felt her move closely behind me. She put her arms around my waist, and she brushed her lips against the nape of my neck. For some reason, I could sleep now. And this sleep was the most peaceful one that I’d had in ages, despite the turbulent emotions brewing within me.
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