I don't think anyone noticed me-even my friends didn't care. I always seemed to threaten I would kill myself and didn't....and I'm glad I didn't because I would've missed out on all of this....
My name is Anna, I'm 13 and in seventh grade. I live in two households-my mom's apartment and my dad's house where I was originally raised. I'm always depressed, sad, mad, and tired. I never have time for my family and I feel ugly. I think that ever since seventh grade started I have been this way. I call myself ugly and fat and don't even care. I can talk to anyone that way and they will say otherwise all except the guy I like, Jace Martinez. He has brown hair that flops to one side of his face covering one of his bright blue eyes and every once and awhile he will flick it out of his eyes. He walks like he knows he's the best and is one of the very few boys in the school who don't let their pants sag. He chews his fingernails when he reads which is like every minute of every day just like me. He writes books as do I. He's friends with my best friend envy rises inside of me every second he walks by and talks to her and doesn't even acknowledge me. It kills me. My heart has probably broken a million times because of him. He doesn't even realize how much he hurts me. My friend told him I liked him and asked him if he would go out with me, he said word for word "not in a million years..." Jace's hair makes the letter V on the back of his head. I know this because I see a lot of the back of his head. Things like this are just little details I know about him. I know more....he calls me a stalker and I don't know if I am, I'm not I know all of this about him because one, my friends tell me without me asking, and two, I notice things no one else does. I don't talk much, I listen...and when I listen I also observe...I probably know more things about your appearance than you do.
Something here has changed...I don't know what it is...I don't know who it is...but I will find it.
I bet you are the thing that could save me. The thing that could keep me from drowning, the thing that could be my lifesaver. I hear rumors that people laugh about me behind my back. No one knows how much that hurts me....I'm fragile, not strong. I don't want to break down-trust me. I hate waving goodbye. The word goodbye sickens me and goodbye forever? Never. Somethings hurt me worse than others though. I hate that. I hate everything now a days. I bet you could stop that if you give me a chance. But you won't....but should I really care? That's the question that looms over me. Should--I--care--or should I let it go? The fact that you don't see me...you don't love me...you don't know me sickens me but maybe it's time to let go of the past and look in the present and to my future. But do I really have a future? I don't know what it may be if I even have one. Right now I have a present but it's vague like a hazy dream set on pause....there really isn't a purpose for it...or is there?
There's nothing left to know but the unknown and the unknown can't be known...so what is there that I don't know?
I know something you don't know--but what is it? I know something all of you don't know but what is it? It's me....I know....me. But sometimes I don't know me. I don't know anything about myself I jst need to find myself beneath my ugly cover. My soul is true but my heart doesn't listen it tells me to follow my dreams but of course it would my heart is directed by my mind which dreams my dreams and tells my heart what to do--like a leader. My soul isn't directed by my mind so it can't be hypnotised. My soul is my only leader and it's about to take over.
Love is a trap...something we can't escape....something that comes and goes but is always actually there. Something that we all experience something we all feel something we all are.
I'm pretty sure things are all weird now. Things between me and Jace. Jace has this.....sense to him. Something about him just makes me happy....makes me avoid him.