The morning after…….the sun rouse slowly like a bright orange ball, its brilliance intruding on the amethyst night sky and my darken room. The smell of laundered linen sheets, sweat, cologne and sex permeated the air while I lay in bed, terrified, thinking of what I should say or if I should say anything. It is the morning after the night before… and I have no idea what is coming next.
The memories of last night's fun plays on my body like physical phantoms. I have dreamed of this morning for years only to have it denied me. Now I can't tell if I'm inside the dream or daydreaming within this reality. I can hear the man lying beside me softly breathing, his hot breath wafting against my warm skin that's still pockmarked by his touch. His strong arm securely around me comforting me and yet I'm terrified…..because it's the morning after.
I've stared at his handsome face throughout the night in wonderment, trying to remember every detail of his long black lashes that nearly touches his high cheek bone and the soft black beard that tickled me as well as his warm thick lips that touched every inch of my overheated skin and I will never forget the dark sultry eyes that watch me surrender over to him what I've always wanted him to have.
This feels like a dream, this morning after...
The man lying next to me in my bed is my best friend and I've wanted him in the worst kind of way almost from the first moment we meet. Whenever he spoke my name I got a warm tinkling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I often wondered if we could be more than just friends while I watched him over the years and listen to him talk about his conquest. It broke my heart that he never saw the love my eyes or felt its pull. My mind and body believed that he would see me. See the love I've held inside, but that was the dream, not the reality.
The night before, the morning after…
My crew and I hung out parting at my place. Lovers and friends all, but it was getting late. The crew dispersed but my best friend stuck around to talk. He seat too close to me, his spicy and sweet cologne lingered in the air like a miasma while his easy breathing serenaded me. My heart raced as his eyes watched me needing and I could see, wanting me.
My friend leaned in close his breath smelling of Royal Crown Black and peppermint. I swallowed hard when he placed his hand on my thigh, a jester not meant to be friendly. It was getting late and I didn't want him to leave.
I've been thinking about this moment for while playing it out in my mind. I've never wanted to cross a line that might cost us a friendship. Confused, I wanted to push him away and hold him close all at the same time. Afraid that this was going end us, afraid I was going to get hurt, afraid that his feelings weren't genuine, afraid that this was all playing out in my dream because my feelings for him were so strong; but the fear I was feeling transformed its self into deep desire after a kiss that was soft sweet and tender yet so full of deep blistering passion the likes I've never felt.
It was our first kiss.
I had been drinking, but the time was right and I was feeling right and I wasn't thinking about putting up a fight or thinking too much because I've been waiting to get here all of my life. Desire held me in its tight grab, so I wasn't thinking about the morning after.
"I want you." I said too quickly while the searing passion rocked me.
He smiled a seductively half smile and quickly said, "Yeah."
I let him do his thing and his thing was tight. When he broke me off what he had always denied me, every touch he made on my impassioned skin, my body responded with whispers cries and deep moans. I didn't deny what I was feeling letting my mind and body float to the paradise of his making. He made me feel so desired, so wanted that I freely released all of my inhibition so that I too, could please him. We did more than have sex, the night before the morning after….we made love.
It's the morning after… how will he feel about last night, will he feel bad it happened, mad; sad or indifference and how do I feel? What if our friendship is over, could one night of passion cost us everything? What if he doesn't want to see me again, or doesn't want me anymore? These questions and more played out in my mind while I felt him stirring next to me.
He's waking to this morning after…. and I'm terrified that things will change completely between us. I know his history, he's told me often enough of his walk of indifference and her moment of shame. Perhaps last night was just a thang for him, a release, or could it be something worst. He might not care for me at all, perhaps he never have. He might not care that we made love just considered it, and me, a friendship with benefits thing.
Now it's the morning after… and my thoughts are what he might think of me and what do I think of myself? Will he think I was just a cheap trick, a quick thrill, someone easily used because of my feelings for him? Perhaps I should have thought of all of this the night before the morning after….
Out of my fear, I thought to pretend I was still asleep when he woke or just turn away from him to give him a chance to snick out of bed and leave without my questioning gaze, but before my decision was made he turn to me. He gave me his half smile and my body hummed. He could do that to me with his smile.
"Good morning." He said not even trying to move his arm from around me.
"Good morning." I respond feeling a deep desire to pull him even closer within me.
He kissed my lips and looked into my eyes.
At times like this I think about the things I love like soft puppies, ice cream, warm summer days butterflies and hot air-balloons, but this morning after… I thought about how I will know what we did was right and what if I want more and other questions that work themselves in my head throughout the early morning hours.
I wanted to know the answers to them all and I wanted them right now, so I asked.
"Where do we go from here?"
He looked at me with his half smile and a raised brow before he answered.
. "Well," he started moving to seat up in bed. "We could take a shower, have some breakfast and talk about it over coffee for hours and still not know for sure."
I did the same so that it didn't appear that he held the advantage over me.
He continued "But the truth is that I can't promise you love nor can I promise you me. What I can promise you is that I will tell you the truth."
I stare into his dark pools staring back at me with a broken heart.
He added. "The truth is that I've wanted to be here with you in my arms for a long time, it's a dream come true."
He brought me into his warmth and for the second time made sweet love to me.
Its the morning after…. and it was starting off pretty good, because all of my inhibitions and fears were abated within our passion for each other.
Its the morning after the night before…..and our dream has become our reality.