I lay awake with thoughts of you again. I know it’s madness, you hadn’t had a clue, you’ll never get to know how much you mean to me. When you remember my name does it give you a feeling so strong yet so unknown? Hearing your name, remembering you, remembering the sound of your voice, every single thought of you takes me to another real, a place so far away from this world. A place where there is just the two of us, a place where everything else is possible, there is no distance, there’s nothing in between us. An unknown realm where time is in our hands, chances are in our hands. A place where I lay my head in you lap, your fingers brushing through my hair, your beautiful eyes looking at me filled with amazement, your voice whispering my name softly, filled with passion, your warmth skin next to mine, your fingers strumming through my skin. Thoughts of you take me to a place where I’d gladly give everything just to make beautiful memories with you. A place I would rather be for as long as you’re with me. Tonight just like every other nights, In silence I wonder where you are, how you are, I find myself thinking whose arms is there to hold you, whose hands is touching your cheek, who keeps you warm at night and as silly as it may sound, I sometimes wonder if you ever wish that person is me instead.
I guess it’s nearly impossible for you to ever know all these thoughts going through my head. I’ll never get to tell you the secret my heart has been keeping all this time. I can only wish somehow you feel the same way too. There are times I tell myself to just speak my mind, convincing myself I’ve got nothing to lose other than the weight I carry in my chest for having to keep the secrets of my heart for this long and there are times I’ve tried, only to find my heart relentlessly trembling like a beat of a drum weakening my knees, so once again I sealed my lips and leave my emotions hidden from you. I stay away and I spend the nights thinking of you, content to just have you in my thoughts, in a realm where everything about you became a hiding place for all the love and affection I’ve always kept from you. The more I stay away the more I find myself drawn to you. The more I distract myself, the more you come flashing through my head. The more I try to keep my mind off you, the more I see you in everything I do.
“This strange emotion of affection I have for you is so strange, so intense yet so beautiful all at the same time. It’s madness! I’ve to admit, this emotions I strongly feel for you drives me madly insane, yet in it I find sanity, I find comfort and with this love I have for you, I find sanity.” Thoughts of you are always calming, always safe, always loving in a way I could never explain in such ways you’ll never ever know and tonight just like every other nights, thoughts of you will stay with me, as I close my eyes to sleep thoughts of you will be the pillow I will hold in my arms, visions of you will be the covers to keep me warm and I’ll pray for patience, I’ll pray for strength, I’ll pray for guidance that I may keep this feeling hidden from you a lot longer, praying my mind will hold on a lot longer that it may not over ride my heart’s secret. Ah this madness! This insanely beautiful yet scary emotion of love my heart chose to keep hidden from you.