This is a nonfictional blog of a section of my life
As you read, yes, I'm in love with my best guy friend. We've been best friends since freshman year when he transferred over. We became quick friends and we're always together. Now that it's our junior yearI regrettably realized my feeling for him. I know it sounds weird that I'd use such a harsh word when describing emotions, or feeling, or love but I can't help it!
He's such a playboy. He's gone out with 7 or 8 differnt girls, that's only counting girls who went to our school, in the last 2 1/2 years! We've talked about relationships lots of times and he's said on numerous occasions that if he had to pick a girl to go out with seriously he'd pick me. But during those times I never returned the feelings and would just shrug them off or joke about it. I was always just content being his friend and the person who listened to him when he had a bad day, or was fighting with his parents, or how cool his girlfriend was. And when he broke up with his girlfriend I was always ok with being the one who would comfort him...or yell at him if he'd hurt the girl unnecessarily.
But now after 21/2 years I'm ready to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with him. And now...I think it's too late. I just found out from a mutual friend that in the beginning of the year he liked me, but at the time I was interested in a different guy and constantly would talk to (lets call him Shawn) Shawn about that guy. I didn't know at the time he liked me. Now there's a new girl that we're both friends with that he likes. But I know it's only because she seems really really really easy. And now I like him!
But here's the weird part, I don't care about them going out. I don't even care that I know their most likely going to have sex. I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!! I should care, I should be furious, yet I couldn't care less and Shawn even has me talking to her for him and I don't mind. Why is that? Why don't I care?My friend and I talked on the phone last night and she said it's probably because I know he'll be done with her and come back to me as always.But doesn't that seem a little shallow on my part? I mean waiting for him to come back to me after him and his girlfriend break up is pathetic and scary. I mean if this is the answer to my unconcern does this mean I've liked him all this time? *sigh* I don't know...I give up...or do I?
Should I try for him and tell him my feelings or just keep quiet and stay good friends while ignoring my strong feelings for him? I mean is a romantic relationship worth potentially losing my friendship with the greatest guy I've everknown? What's love worth?