It's been so long. Almost two years. I haven't even thought of someone as "cute" since that time so long ago. Now here I am, experiencing a familiar feeling. I noticed that I tend to want things I can't have. It's human nature, I guess. You see something that someone else has, and you want it, too, not realizing that what you have can be much better depending on how you see it. Everyone goes through that. There is even the occasional back stabbing girl who want every guy for herself. But this is different. I actually had feeling for this person. I don't just want to make someone else miserable. That's one reason why I haven't gone after him. He's dating my friend. They are good together, and desrve eacother. I would never want to ruin something so pure. So I will sit and watch, pretending I hate him, in a childish friendie kind of way. Yes, I said friendie. Well, I didn't real notice how much I kiled him until my sister pointed it out. She says I just didn't want to admit it before. Maybe that's true. Maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself.

He was the only guy in the group. That always made me laugh. I had only started hanging out with him a few weeks before, when one of my friends started eating with him, and then my other friends went with him. I made a few new friends after that. I'm happy about that. I don't have many. Now we eat lunch together as a group almost every day. I always have something to throw at him. I also enjoy pulling his hair to hear him scream like a little girl. He throws things back, pulled my hair today, and tried squeezing my pressure points. My sister used the phrase: "flirting like little kindergardeners do." Except I'm the only one who is techinally flirting. I'm stuck between a heartbreak, despair, pain, and nothing in life at all. I'm surrounded. No where left to turn. Either direction leads to ultimate unhappiness and sorrow, weather for me or my friend. I am planning on waiting for them to break up, if they ever do, and then maybe telling him how i feel. i hope that my friend wouldnt be mad at me for that... and no, Shelby, if you are reading this, it isnt you.