Do you remember?
There was a time when you were a part of my
life. It was a time when things were simple, when life was kind.
I used to play with you as if you were part of my family. We went
on so many grand adventures, experiencing so many mind-blowing,
heart-pounding, bone-chilling... fantasies! Yes, there was
romance in the mix. There was comedy as well. I loved those
times. I'm sure you did too.
Then I made a
I took us into the adult world. Into a place
where there were consequences, fears, prejudices, and hysteria.
Our place of open thought and open hearts... had no fear, no
shame, no reason to hide. We naively crossed over the line into
the real world. It was so fragile... a tiny whisper could shatter
entire families, destroy years of friendship, and obliterate all
trust. If things were left to escalate, I'm sure death would have
joined the party.
One eventful night haunts my memories. It was
the night we walked and talked around the block. There were many
things said and dark secrets shed. Perhaps too much, I agree. My
mind and heart went overboard, excited with new discoveries and
hopes of the future. We made a pinky-swear to never tell. Now you
owe me a pinky and I owe you one as well. I guess we're even.
Never did it cross my mind the nightmare that would ensue. All
because of you.
Well, it's not entirely your fault. We all have
the pay for the consequences of our decisions. I have to pay for
mine. A fate I hate... but must
Do you remember what I told you? "Each person
has decisions to make in their life. Some decisions have small
insignificant effects. So we need not worry about making
mistakes. But there are some decisions that have very serious
permanent effects on our lives. So we have to really think hard
Ironically, all my wisdom failed me as I
expressed my deepest feelings. It was confusing because
everything happened so fast. After my first mistake, I made many
more. My stupidity was rampant. Finally, I was able to clear my
head and tried to stop the chain of events I set in motion. But
it was too late. The crucifixion of my uncommitted sins nailed
me. My blood wept as fearful judgments were made, binding me to a
life of unforgettable banishment.
And throughout this whole ordeal, all I could
think about was saving you. I failed to be there for you.
Everything I wanted to do for you warped into a sinister plot of
Then I felt the hammer of pain in my chest as I
slept one night, waiting for my heart to stop beating. I cried
and cried, out of pain, out of confusion, out of regret, out of
events that would never change. I wanted to die, wished to die,
felt like I was dying. Never in my life have I ever felt so
abandoned, alone, and forsaken. I guess I wanted to die for
But I didn't...
Because I realized, you wanted me dead. Why
else would you lie about me? Say things about me that I never
did? I know about the lies. Not all were lies but many things
were twisted. I realized how much was turned against me and it
sickened me beyond belief. There aren't enough guts in me to puke
out the devastation of your betrayal. How could you do this too
me? Then again, why did I do it to you? I left you when you
Still, I feel like a person who tried to save
the devil. It must have been laughable and truly pathetic in your
eyes. It was in many eyes. Yes, I was a
For many months I tried to deal with what
happened. I considered ending it all. My mission failed. There
was no reason for me to continue on with this miserable
Once upon a time, I believe in it. I taught it,
sought it, and bought it. It's funny to see how I can bring
happiness to others but none for myself. Each time I think there
will be rainbow or happy moment, tragedy arrives and laughs at
me. Maybe I am cursed? I never lied when I said you were my
happiness. But I don't think you really understood what I meant.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Then the nightmares came. I saw your death
coming. Not by my hand, but your own. I wasn't alone with this
Once again I was faced with a very hard
life-changing decision. Should I sacrifice myself once again? Or
should I run away?
You already know the decision I made.
I'm so sorry for everything. And you were
right. We were all at fault in our own
I know things will never be the same. I know we
may never see each other again. I know life goes
But do you remember those good
Because even if everything fades to dust
~~~> I will always remember you. <~~~
"Goodbye for now, but not forever."