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This is a very simple first draft of a scene from a current novel. I would love all and any opinions I could get.


Submitted:Apr 30, 2013    Reads: 5    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   


The scream broke the night, and agony ripped through her chest, like flames licking at her heart and threatening to consume her entire body. An arm was wrapped around her waist, thin and restricting, and pulling her away from the only thing she could ever want. Her hand shot out and grabbed at the air, which was thick with regrets and heavy despondence. "Jamee" Her voice was broken with her hysterical sobs as she fought violently against the restraining barrier of her mother's arms, keeping her away from her only love. He too was pushing desperately against the block of their father, his hard body beating over and over against the man.

"Anebell, I will find you! Do you hear me? I WILL FIND YOU ANEBELL. Never forget our love, don't you ever dare forget it. I love you so much, Bell!" His voice was strangled by the muffle of his parent's palm and their eyes connected as he was forced within a car, the doors immediately locking as soon as the door was closed. And though she could hear him clawing at the handle, she knew that he would not be getting out, and not be coming back for her. The motor roared in defience of their love and carried her heart away from her and back to France, where he would be safe away from her.

Every breath that she could manage to drag in creaked her ribs and ached violently, like her burning soul was being ripped from her, no longer necessary. Tears streamed from her cold pale eyes in rivulets, and as though the world understood her, drops of rain smattered her golden cheeks in sync. Her mother pulled her around, forcing Anebell to look at the woman she could never again love. "Anebell, Bell.." But the old and familiar voice was snuffed out by a strangled sputtering and the sound of skin against cement resounded as her mother's body smacked against the cement, her head giving a crack.

"Do not DARE call me Bell, ever. Do not ever speak my name. Don't let it touch your filthy lips. You are not my mother. I would tell you to burn in hell, but I am already here, and all the people already look like you." Anebell spat out as she pulled her mottled blonde locks off her cheekbones, wrapping the matted strips back in a ponytail. Her green eyes where darker than they had ever been, and she would never again let another person close enough to hurt her. But in her frantically beating heart, his name was cried out, over and over in repeated sobs of desperation; and their love lived on.

He would find her, and that was her hope.





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