What are we searching for? Every day, twenty four-seven, that
seems to consume our thoughts until we are sick? We all claim to
be searching for the same thing. But what if it hits us straight
between the eyes and we still do not recognize it? What will
become of us then? Senile- we seem to become thinking about it.
Hopeless- as we long for it. Disappointment- when we realize we
do not have it. But what are we really disappointed about, if
none of us knows what it is? Perhaps we are disappointed that we
don't know what it is. But I think it's something else. I think
we are disappointed that we don't have what we read in romance
novels. All of us assume we are born with the knowledge and
capability of it; but in reality, we are not. Love is learned, it
is also taught. But maybe none of us has the right to teach it,
if none of us knows what it really is. The media hasn't taught us
love. They tell us sex is love, they tell us beauty is love, they
tell us it should be like a fairy tale. Some of us aren't as
cookie-cutter as the media thinks. I know I'm not, at least.
I know I haven't lived long enough to know what love really is.
I'm only fourteen, you see. Barely old enough to kiss, how could
I know what love is, right? Well let me tell you: you probably
don't know what love is either. In my opinion, not that anyone
asked for it, love is what you make it. If you think love is
forgiveness, you're right. If you think love is knowing the other
person better than you know yourself, you're right. If you think
love is putting yourself before the other person in any
situation, you're right. Really, in any case, you're right. In my
opinion, that is; since I think love is what you interpret it as.
I think love is knowing the other person will always have your
back no matter what; That the other person would sacrifice
anything for you. Then again, I think love is eating cereal on
your best friend's couch in the morning. I think it's standing in
the rain- alone. I think love is crying and the relief you feel
afterwards. Love is your favorite song on the radio. I think
anything is love if you make it that way.
We all want the most ridiculous things. Princes on horseback,
huge diamond rings, amazing weddings… None of that matters. As
long as you're with who you love for the rest of your life- what
more could you want?
The problem is I've sheltered myself from everything. After
repetitively getting hurt from boy after boy, I cut off all my
resources. Sometimes I cry because I'm scared that I'll never be
in love with anyone, or that no one will ever love me. But
sometimes I think it's okay because it's better than getting hurt
or used. But I'm worried I'll get scared and run away from love
when I find it.
It's all I want.
Just to have someone there for me, who loves me for who I am. No
matter how weird or different I may seem to the rest of the
world. If I had just one person that loved every single thing
about me, I'd be okay for the rest of my life. I can't wrap my
head around the fact that some people give up love for something
that sounds more appealing to them. Money, younger girls, freedom
from wives or husbands… What could be better than love?
But I don't know, maybe I'm just naive and real love is painful
and I just don't know it yet. Maybe a lot of people would trade
love for something they think is better. I wouldn't know. Maybe
I'll never know. But I hope that's not the case.
All I want is to fall in love.