After the new year, things picked up and I was happy. I had a thing with a family friend, his name was Kyle, and we had a thing for a couple weeks, but nothing special. He cheated on me, he was fooling around with some girl and I was torn apart, another heart break. At that time, Matty came around and talked to me, and I told him about Kyle. Matty was really supportive and he was there for me. I loved that feeling, I also missed that feeling aswell. Matty was always the number one person who made me feel better, no matter what, even if it was his fault, he knew how to cheer me up, and I knew how to cheer him up. Since I told Matty what happened between Kyle and me, we always talked. Matty was also single too, Sadie said it was official that they were done and Matty said so for himself that he needed to get over Sadie, but deep down, I had a feeling they would get back together, they always did, no matter what. Matty and I talked about that night, where we had sex, and he said he didn't regret it and he said it was a fun time and we should do it again. I didn't know how to feel about it at that point. I really liked Matty, I always liked Matty, and he was my favorite person to talk too. He was just himself and I never judged him because I didn't want him judging me, which I'm sure he did, who didn't judge me?
I wanted a relationship with Matty, and I knew it was never going to happen, no matter what I did. Matty might of had feelings for me, but he would of never admitt it. I was one of those girls, who never had a boyfriend, never had friends, who was never popular or smart. I was on my own all the time, and there was no reason for it. I was pretty and classy, maybe I did do stuff that most girls wouldn't do at fifteen years old. I was just always the girl who was cute and cool to joke around with. Nothing else. I always got down on myself for not having a boyfriend or doing the things I did, and the only bad things I ever did was hook up with Matty. I was just never good enough, and thats what Sadie put into my head, with all the bullying, that I was never good enough. Sadie ruined my sophomore year. I lost alot of my friends, no one wanted me around, no one wanted to be my partner in class, no one wanted to hangout with me on the weekend, no one called me when they needed a helping hand. No one, and what was I suppose to do to regain all of that back? Save someones life? Get a horrible sickness to get attention? I didn't want that either.
I just figured that if people wanted to be in my life, they could. I stopped making the effort to make people like me, because no matter what I did, it was always my fault. Thats how I lost all my friends, they didn't want to take the blame on themselves, so they put it on me because they knew I couldn't of done anything.
Matty was always there to help me though, which I was thankful for. I told him all of this and he was there to help me and make me feel better. He told me that they weren't good friends and I should find better ones, but I didn't want too. I was afraid of getting hurt. My only true friend was Matty, and we never hungout, and all we did was text. I didn't know what to do with my life. Everything was just, downhill starting from September 1st, 2012, and I never knew when it would pick back up.