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Deadly Pleasures

Novel By: apodiform
Romance


This is a vampire story rolled up in a mystery but is ultimately a romance novel. Eleanor is an aspiring doctor that has brought her mother to Rome after she disappeared for three days and now lives in a constant state of Alzheimer's. Dex is a hundred year old vampire who has been ordered by his 'wife', the woman who turned him and he now despises, to seduce Eleanor. What happened to Eleanor's mom? Will Dex be able to seduce Eleanor after he finds himself falling in love with her? Oh, and did I mention that he can read minds? But don't count Eleanor out just yet. She's got a secret that could turn the entire situation on it's head. Romance/comedy/horror all set in the romantic city of Rome. Enjoy!

p.s. Every chapter is inspired by a song and that shall be its title. First chapter is 'Dream Brother' by Jeff Buckley.
View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3

Submitted: Mar 29, 2008    Reads: 735    Comments: 30    Likes: 14   


“Eleanor.”A voice whispers from behind long-flowing curtains, flowing into the room on the waves of a mid-summer’s night breeze.

In the light of day, the plain cottony fabric with tiny embroidered flowers looks cheery and summery.But in the middle of the night, the moon’s rays illuminate them from behind, transforming them into a ghostly imitation of themselves.

A woman lies sleeping peacefully in matching white sheets in a bed parallel to the large French doors, thrown open to catch what little breeze passes through on the stifling night.Her body faces away; a pillow tucked under her head, her body curled in on itself as her long brown hair fans out behind her.

“Eleanor.”The voice beckons again as the curtains flutter a little and then die down. The woman on the bed shifts slightly, as if something in her sleep has disturbed her, but she does not awaken.

Stillness.No sounds are made but suddenly a presence is near.A strong gust of wind pushes the curtains upward into a tizzy but just as quickly they deflate.

Then…a shadow.A small bit of triangle peaking in from a balcony that must have been elegant at one point, but now has cracks where the door encasements meets crumbling stone.

Time ticks forward, the shadow lengthening and spreading along the terrazzo floor.No sounds are made and no form appears to lay claim to the shadow but it creeps across the floor anyway.Eleanor pulls the sheet more tightly around herself.

“Sh…sh…sh.”The voice sooths, low in its timbre but filled with such a languid eroticism that for the woman on the bed it has the opposite effect.It sooths her and yet makes her more aware, the honey-filled tones spreading over her and around her and somehow through her.

The shadow continues on its destined path; sliding up over the bed and over the folds and shapes that make up the occupant.Small indentions appear on the sheet below her ankle, five little imprints where there was none before.They travel slowly forward along her calf as if a lover was trailing a hand appreciatively along his beloved’s lower leg.It is so light and so sure that it could almost be the wind; but it is not.

The indentations trek over knee and along her thigh.One long caress that sooths and stills and leaves little darts of pleasure along the way.They move along her hip, pausing to dip ever so slightly over her pubic bone.The indentures spread out and deepen at her waist, like hands forming to her shape.Her arm is moved slightly upward, a firm pressure moving along the underside of her arm and holding it still.Another pressure moving the hair away from around her neck.

She feels him lean down, feels his breath passing warmly over her neck, feels his lips pressing firmly on the artery pumping blood to her brain.Suddenly, this does not seem right.This does not make sense.

She shoots up in bed, breathing hard. Ready to do battle.Ready to face an intruder.Ready to confront a burglar. But no one is there.She is alone.All is quiet.

She settles back among the pillows feeling as if she has narrowly escaped with her life.But no one is there, and has probably ever been there, so she rolls over and attempts to go back to sleep.But not without staring at the lone pale curtains of her room fluttering back and forth for what seems like a very long time.

***

The humongous key clicks in the door of her apartment as the lock slides closed.

When she had first seen the old-world key, she had thought it was kind of neat with its skeleton key design.She could imagine someone from days gone past sliding it into the big wooden door to lock an unsuspecting Cinderella into her room.It brings back images of childhood and fairy castles and days with nothing to do but play.Boy, were those days long over.Now she just thinks it's annoying.

She feels like she is living in the middle ages as she looks down to the thick metal resting in her palm.The dang thing wouldn’t even fit on her key ring.She had ended up having to visit half a dozen stores yesterday just to buy some over-priced purse that had a pocket big enough to put the thing in.She zips the key into an inner pocket and brings the strap up over her shoulder.

The purse itself was some big atrocious thing that she would have never been caught dead wearing in downtown Boston.It was black leather for one thing.Secondly, it had all these little zippers and pockets that made her feel schizophrenic.Bostonians were just so much more practical about these things.Sure, with any city you would get the flashy and the uncouth, but in general the Bean town populace never has quite shaken off its Puritan roots.

Even now she feels ridiculous as the purse slaps against her side as she tries to quietly make her way down the stone stairway of her apartment building.She would have taken the elevator, but it just seems wasteful for only two flights of stairs.And the thing is slow and claustrophobic; and just makes her feel like she’s in a gold-plated moving casket.

Casket.The word throws her a bit.Last night…last night in that dream she had felt as if she was buried six feet under.

The feeling of being unable to move her body floods back to her.It had been as if an invisible force had held her confined to the bed.She had wanted to move.She had wanted to wipe those hands away, but she couldn’t.She had fought against something.Something had moved her hair aside, had been about to do…what?

She inadvertently swipes her hands down her skirt to prove that her hands do in fact do what she tells them to do.She tells herself to stop being stupid.It had just been a dream.

The click of her industrious heels echoes through the cavernous space; sending loud clacks with every one of her steps.What a great way to introduce yourself to your neighbors: yes, I’m the loud American that woke you up before the sun had come up with my too high heels that I would rather not wear except that I felt on my first day of work I had to at least try to fit in.

She can already feel them pinching at her feet.The skirt and blouse combination she had picked out to be ‘feminine’ already chafe in their restrictiveness.Thank God it will only be for a little while.The extra pair of shoes are already waiting in her bag.

Her hands slide the large double doors leading out of her building’s foyer and the feel and site of her new city washes over her.Rome.It’s not a dream.She really is here.

The centuries old buildings of Trastavere greet her with their high doors and even higher windows.Different shades of burnt umber, beige, and ochre tell her more than anything that she is definitely in the Mediterranean.She smiles at the sea of wood-paneled shutters shutting off the inhabitants of Rome from the outside world.She smiles even more at the plethora of scooters and motorbikes parked along the sidewalks.The juxtaposition of the old and new should be jarring, but somehow it all fits together in an especial way.

Her mind filters back to the conversation she had with her mother’s friend Giovanni and how he had convinced her to come here.

“You know she’s not getting any better.”His fatherly voice had echoed over the International line.

“I know.”She had answered just as morosely.

When he had called it had only been a couple of months since her mother’s mysterious disappearance and subsequent just as mysterious reappearance.She had still been reeling from the entire upheaval of her life into what came to be known as The Phone Call that changed her life.

She had been finishing up her residency at Stanford University, but the minute she had been notified that her mom had been missing for two days, she had flown out to Boston.The worry, the waiting had been excruciating.Her mother’s employee identification picture, one that her mother hated because she thought it gave her a double chin, had been flashed on the news so many times that the image was permanently imprinted onto her brain.And then a day later…her mother, the wildly successful Chief of Surgery at Boston General, and the person that had inspired her to pursue surgery in the first place, a person she looked up to, had been found unconscious in the middle of Boston Commons.

She had had no recollection of who she was or how she had even gotten there.Eleanor had only seen her later at the hospital when she had been hooked up to countless IV’s and machines.Within days her mother had woken up, the tubes removed, and been allowed to go home, but one thing had never changed: her mother never got better.

“You know you can bring her here.I have a colleague who has been doing some really wonderful things with…”And there he pauses, still unable to quite say what is exactly wrong with her mom, his friend.He finishes vaguely, “Cases like hers.”

Cases like hers?Who has cases like hers?Who disappears one night a brilliant surgeon and wonderful mom, only to be found days later in what can only be described as late-stage Alzheimer’s?

“You know you just want to take care of her.”She had mildly teased.

Her mother and Giovanni had always had an interesting relationship.The story goes that they had met in medical school.They might have had a thing for each other, or they may have just been friends, neither one would ever say.All she knew that was upon graduation, Giovanni had gone back to Italy to be groomed to take his place in the long line of Marino men who ran one of the cities most respected hospitals and her mother had gone on to marry her father, had Eleanor, and subsequently lost him to the jungles of Vietnam.

By then Giovanni had married a local banker’s daughter and had a daughter of his own on the way, but he had always been there for her mother.Every couple of years he would come to the states for a medical conference or a special event in their lives.He had been there the day her mother had been awarded Chief of Surgery.He had been there for Eleanor’s graduation from medical school.Eleanor had always wondered if the timing and geography had been better, what might have been between the two of them.But now…now the point was moot because her mother might never get better.

“You’ve found me out.”He had fondly replied.“But I really do think I can help her.”

Which is how she found herself a month later walking down a street in a foreign city on her way to a new job as a surgical resident in a hospital that she had never thought to see, let alone work for.

She didn’t sleep well last night, but somehow she is not tired.Well actually, she had slept pretty well; it just hadn't been in the right time zone.She had tried staying up the entire first day to force herself to the new time schedule, but that hadn't worked out too well when she had fallen asleep at four o’clock in the afternoon.

It has been two days since her and her mother had permanently left the good 'ole USA for their new home, and it has been non-stop settling in ever since.That’s probably what accounted for her waking up in the middle of the night.Nothing had disturbed her.Why had she imagined that someone had been in her room?It was ridiculous.They would have had to have climbed up three stories without a sound, somehow disappeared before she opened her eyes, and gotten down without her hearing anything.Ridiculous.

She was just too stressed out.She was in a weird place; starting a new job in a new city in a new country.It was bound to catch up with her sooner or later.

The sky has lightened considerably since she awoke in the moonlight and cursed her internal clock for not letting her adjust to the time change faster.She had tried unpacking a bit, but had worried about waking up her neighbors.She had tried reading a book, in hopes that the quiet past-time would put her back into a dream state, but no such luck had come her way.

Instead, she had made herself some coffee and waited for the sky to show at least show some semblance of rising to greet her.She had taken a shower, ironed her clothes, and put on make-up in a leisurely fashion she was sure would seem like a fond memory by the end of the week.But with all of that, she still can only see a pale burnt peach color every time she walks past an east-west cross-street.The rest of the time she is walking in shadows.

The whole world is in fact one big shadow.Shadow…shadows….shadow. Why does that word reverberate through her mind?Something about darkness and curtains and moons passes across her stream of consciousness, but then it is gone.

Okay, she seriously needs to find herself an espresso.Jet lag was not an allowable excuse for a malpractice claim.Maybe she should just call it a day and let her body adjust for one more day.Her new boss wouldn’t mind.He was more an old family friend than a boss anyway, but she couldn’t take advantage of that.Plus, she was already awake.And on her way to the hospital.

But as she comes out of the last towering birch tree and steps onto one of Rome’s many ancient stone bridges, the first of the sun’s rays burst forth behind Tiber Island.She has to shield her eyes as she walks forth to put her hands along the stone railing.The river is one giant sheet of pure sunlight, reflecting the glowing sky back at her.

She really doesn’t have to be at the hospital for a few hours yet.It’s so early that the trams haven’t even started running.The responsibilities of her new job, her mother, and the reason that they have come clear across an ocean crowd in on her, making it hard to breath.

She idly passes her hand over the scratchy stone.To her left lies time to get familiar with her new job, tour the facility, learn the lay of the land, so to speak.To her right lies a small interlude in a life piled with responsibility.

The hand shielding her face drops to join its brethren on the hard surface of the bridge.She closes her eyes and turns to face the sun.It is still early enough to appreciate the slight warmth as it tickles her skin.Later she will probably hide in the shade to deflect the full effects of its warming properties, but for now…for now. She imagines turning to look behind her, but the darkness repels her.The darkness will claim her later.For now she walks into the light.


14

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Comments:

Maddie
(not registered user)

Okay, I just finished reading the book, "Twilight" and I absolutely loved it.(If you havn't read it it's about a girl who falls in love with a vampire) So this story catches my interest a bit. So far, I really like it and look forward to reading more.

Posted: Mar 29, 2008

Author Comment:

I haven't read those books and now I don't want so that it doesn't influence me! I actually wrote this last year as a fanfic for Grey's Anatomy. The characters have been reworked but the plot is the same. See if you can't recognize my celebrity boyfriend though ;-)

this is really good! it's really caugh my attention. And you wrote it really well too, your description is good! Great job :)

Posted: Mar 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!

Emmie! My writing partner in crime. I am so happy you are here!

Posted: Mar 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Dee! I decided to take your advice and branch out! I already feel so welcome! :-)

Loved it first time, and this is wonderful as well. Or even more wonderfuller, because you're going to go all sorts of neat places. I think I caught a single typo, unless this is going to get really porny really fast. "The indentations trek over knee and along her thing."--I think you meant thigh.

Posted: Mar 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Ah, thank you Carson. And yes, we will be going to all sorts of wonderful places. I love Rome and all it's little unique places and feel. My thought was vampires + Rome = awesome. Oh, and I fixed the typo ;-p

EM!!! I love how you've reworked this story but I also love the original as well, which you already know. I'm soooo excited that you have decided to branch out into the real world of fiction because your writing deserves to be noticed because of it's excellence.

Can't wait for the coming chapters!!!!

Posted: Mar 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Jody!!! Awe, you're making me blush here. I'm so glad you like it! I'm interested to see how people like the new version as opposed to the old. Thanks for coming over!

yonaika
(not registered user)

argh so good...
i feel ashamed of putting my stories up after that XD
so so gooood!

Posted: Mar 30, 2008

Author Comment:

awe, don't say that! well, I mean do say it's good but don't say that about your stories. Thanks for the comment!

Cesc
(not registered user)

I love how detail you are. It's just enough to catch my attention but not too much to make it boring and slow to read. And so long I think it's wonderful - it's reality with a feeling of doom hanging over it.

Same here you know - I love the original and I can't wait to see how this one will develop.

Posted: Mar 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Awe, thank you Molly! Oh good, doom is good. I'm glad that came across ;-) I hope you enjoy the rest just as much!

apodiform:

Never comment on novels or fictional short-stories, as I never write or post them. Lacking the expertise to do so. Fantasy and horror are not among my offerings either. More of an poet who likes to focus on the romantic and positive emotions. When not going for the laugh.

Did like this one though. For it's flowing narrative style. Gave it an "I Like It" vote.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Posted: Mar 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Well, that just makes it more special that you did like it! Thank you for reading something outside your comfort zone. This story is a bit on the dark side, but I shall also say in the the end it's going to be a romance and self-discovery novel with a bit of humor wound in. Thanks for the vote!

GAgirl_1200
(not registered user)

Em i am so proud of you, i loved this fic the minute after i read it..now it's a novel, you already know i love it..amazing hon.

love,
Victoria.

Posted: Mar 31, 2008

Author Comment:

Awe, thank you Victoria! You're making me blush!

wow, i can't wait to rea more!!

Posted: Mar 31, 2008

Author Comment:

Awe, thank you! *blushes*

Amata
(not registered user)

Em, love this reworking. Cannot wait to read more. I am so excited that you've taken this leap.

Posted: Apr 2, 2008

Author Comment:

Amata! Baby, you made it! I'm so excited that you came over and commented! I expect to see your work up here soon!

Hi, I really liked the novel. Simple and a nice flow.
Great. Gave it a "i Like it"
Keep it up.

Posted: Apr 2, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you! Glad you liked it!

This could become very addictive! I really enjoyed it, you proved to be more than a fanfic writer, you have such talent. I can't say enough good about it, I'm very impressed and I can‘t wait for more. :) ~ Nixie

Ps. You know, I had an experience where something weighed me down in my bed - I tore a ligament in my neck from struggling. Seriously weird!!

Posted: Apr 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Awe, thank you! Although I have mad love for a lot of fanfic writers, so...:-) That is so crazy about being held down! Are you sure you don't have a vampire after you? ;-p

Rhea/ turpsyturvy
(not registered user)

Hi, I just want to comment here too..urrrrrrrr...I dont know what to comment about though cuz I already told you everything on the other site.

I comment with LUUUUUVE!!!

Awesome fic Em...!!!

Posted: Apr 7, 2008

Author Comment:

You're so cute! I love you too!

This is good, have you seen The 30 Days of Night? Oh its real good. 12 thumbs up for this!!

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you! I will have to check out the movie after the story is over!

I seen your novel on featured writting so I decided to check it out. plus I LOVE vampire novels so natrually your novel caputres my attention. I feel in live with the Twilight series. Have you read those boks? They are really good, I recomend them if you haven't. anyway, great chapter, I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
STeph:)

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

That is so cool that I am featured! Does anyone know how that happens or how they pick them? Twilight is now on my post-writing this story list! Thanks for the great comment!

I love love love your story!!!!!!! You had great detail and a really wide vocabulary. This is definitely one of the better stories that I've read on the site, so keep up the fantastic work. Another really good thing about your writing is that you keep the reader intrigued and don't give away what is going to happen right away! Again, loved it! keep posting!

PS- I wouldn't recommend the Twilight series for you to read because your writing and Meyers' writing are in 2 different categories entirely, so you wouldn't want to be influenced, and stray from your already spectacular writing. Plus, they are just like every other romance novel out there, just 300 pages longer.

PPS. Sorry to keep this on so long, but you should definitely consider sending this to some publishers. I mean DEFINITELY consider this!

Keep posting!

Posted: Apr 9, 2008

Author Comment:

You know I already wrote you back on your page, but I have to say how much your comment made me blush! I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you love what is to come just as much!

I love a good vampire story and this is a great one! You have a quite a bit of talent as a writer. Very nice job!

Posted: Apr 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much! If I could post one of those blushing emoticons here, I would!

I'm normally not for reading novels on the net, simply because I love to lie back on my recliner with a book in my hand, the lighting just right, and so on. But a cursory look through this story got me hooked. Really good work. You manage to build the atmosphere very well. Given an 'I like it', of course.

Posted: Apr 13, 2008

Author Comment:

I totally agree with you. I have a hard time reading things on the screen for long periods of time. But I'm getting used to it. Ha ha. So I'm very glad that you liked it enough to carry through! Atmosphere, you say? I give all credit of that to Jeff Buckley ;-) Thanks for reading!

the sentence a mid-summer night's breeze and all it's familiarity sets the mood to cuddle into this story.

and your erotic undertones are amazing.
wonderful imagery in your words.

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Cuddle into my story...Ooh, I like that. I feel that I should write this entire story in the middle of the night with lots of low light and eerie music. LOL. Jeff Buckley will have to do. Thank you for all you wonderful comments!

Good beginning, and as others have pointed out, it flows fairly well. My advice is to refrain from using too many adjectives. In other words, don't try so hard to describe things.

Posted: Apr 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much for the compliment! As for the use of adjectives, I do tend to get a bit too descriptive. It's how it seems to come out though!

Ok I don't generaly like vampire novles in fact I have yet to find one that is to my likeing but I like your stly it's awe inspiring your description is superb "the sea of wood-paneled shutters shutting off the inhabitants of Rome from the outside world" that caught my attention for some reason I just had to pause and reread it ^_^ I think i'm going to read more because it's amazing so far :)

Posted: May 24, 2008

Author Comment:

You don't like Anne Rice?! LOL. This is a vampire novel but not. More like a romance-mystery with the vampirism thrown in :-) That's just how I saw it (Rome, that is). Thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest!

always a pleasure to read your chapters!!
i can't wait to read more!

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks! The best compliment an author can get!

whoops, already read this chapter, i was wondering why my comment wasn't on chapter eleven when my computer turned off!!
silly me, i apologize.

Posted: Jun 1, 2008

Author Comment:

LOL. I'll take all the comments I can get! Tee hee.

Hello,
you are obviously talented, with ur writing laying testament to that fact. Your pace and imagery is spot on but the problem i repeatedly encountered was the length of your paragraphs. They seem to be too long, not to mention almost of the same length, i think you need to break them up for a more pacy read.
I havent read alot of fantasy but i have read hundreds of romance books, i have finished all the books of Judith Mcnaught, Johanna lindsay, Nora Roberts, Julie garwood and many more. I just wanted you to know that i can recognize a good romance when i see one, and ur's is potentially good. You just need to work a bit on the pacing of this one. Sometimes less is more, especially in the romance genre, you can get descriptive but i have often found that the best romance books cater more to the emotional aspect of a story rather than the surroundings. Try varying the length of ur paragraphs and get a little more dramatic with ur descriptions, when trying to build up suspense never forget sounds and smells they add to the drama. Make ur readers wonder and picturize the surroundings you are trying to portray, the trick is to not do it by putting in too many details, that my dear is why writing a good novel is so hard, and why authors get millions writing them.
Also you need to work on the tense of this one, make it third person for example
"Eleanor" a voice "WHISPERED" from behind long flowing curtains.........i hope you know what i mean.
I hope you don't mind any of my criticism, the revisions i have suggested wont take long and believe me they will make ur story come alive.
P.S if i had a printer i would print this and make the revisions myself and then send it to you, but unfortunately for you i don't have one LOL.
Rest assured i will definitely keep reading this.

Posted: Jun 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow, thank you for the wonderful uber comment! Thank you for reading but also taking the time to be critical and write all of that. I am here to make this better, so I appreciate everything that you have said! After I read your comment, I went back and re-read my first chapter, and I can see what you are talking about. I think I started writing by posting stories that were running across the screen, so longer paragraphs worked well there. For a book though, I could immediately see how things could be broken up for ease of read or maybe trimmed down a bit. I do tend to get a bit descriptive. LOL I do read a lot (and I mean a lot, like Barnes and Nobles should just have a swipe card for me or something ;p) of romance of novels and know what you mean about emotional side of things. I think this chapter was much more about setting the scene in Rome and setting up the plot, so I wonder what you will think when you get to the next chapters. I sometimes do wish that authors set more of a sense of place, but that could just be me. We'll see. This story is quite an experiment for me; it's a romance but also a vampire story all wrapped up in a mystery. Thanks again for your constructive criticism! I really appreciate it!

Well you got my vote on the start of this, even if the paragraphs are long. Remember that it's YOUR style that counts and how YOU feel comfortable writing.

James Patterson writes short, punchy chapters - that's the style he used in "Kiss the Girls" and it works perfectly. James Herbert uses a different technique in "Creed" you should take a look at that one for sheer spookiness)and both kep the reader hooked.

I WILL read the rest of the chapters.

Phil

Posted: Jun 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Hm, I guess that is a general consensus then? I've gone back and tried to break things up when I thought appropriate. It does make it easier to read, especially in this kind of format. Thank you for the words of encouragement though! I'm here to make my writing better, so all comments are appreciated. I may take them; I may not ;) I will have to check out James Herbert. I don't think I have read his work but the way you describe the book sounds interesting. Funny enough, I'm not much of a horror reader myself. I'm much more into history, romance, and fiction but this story called to me. Thanks for reading! ~Emily

Hello,
i am so glad you broke the chapters up, with all due respect to phill i think this way this chapter has so much more fluency. The short sentences drag the readers into the drama and suspence of this piece from the very beginning. Tell me what you think of this now, doesn't it seem so much more engaging. Just a small change can sometimes lead to such wonderful results LOL.
You know i really think you want to become a published author, although originality is essential for that you also have to cater to the demands and expectations of the public at large. It is a fine balancing act, always remember that not all your readers can understand and appreciate too much originality, if you want mass appeal you will have to cater to the average reader, which for a romance is often a young woman. Especially with your first novel.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

To answer both comments, I really do appreciate you taking the time to comment multiple times and to provide me with such a useful critic! Once I started going through it like you suggested, I could very much see your point. Now as I'm writing the new chapter, I've been keeping that in the back of my head. I as a reader would probably like shorter paragraphs too. I didn't really take much out, just moved it around. And yes, I think I would like to become a published author. Honestly, when
I started writing fanfiction it was the first time I had written since high school (prob 10 yrs) and I had forgotten how much I liked to do it. And then people just started to respond to what I was writing, I have so much fun doing it, and really it's because others have encouraged me. So I understand completely what you are saying. So at this point I think I am writing a story that I enjoy telling and then will modify if it involves changes that will make it better; but I will still stick to my story and my writing style. Otherwise it's not me! Thanks again!

I meant to write breaking up the paragraphs not chapters, sheesh i am so damn clumsy with a key board. Did you know i spent almost ten minutes laboring over the last comment, i hope you appreciate it LOL. Now i can finally get to chapter two, so long.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Author Comment:

He he. See last comment, but yes, I really do appreciate it! Thank you! Mwah!

this is really good so far. I'm really liking your writing style and your extensive vocabulary. Very impressive. I'm actually busy right now, but I hope to read the rest soon. Very attention grabbing :)

Posted: Oct 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much! Wow, I have an extensive vocabulary? I guess I do read a lot. Gets me in trouble sometimes. Glad you liked it!

i liked it.i liked it.ilked it .loved it.loved it[i don't when the tune changed

Posted: Oct 20, 2008

Author Comment:

I'm a bit confused by your comment (tune changed? you mean the song or the story?), but I'm glad you enjoyed it!



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