The rich autumn foliage was swaying gracefully with the midday waft. The extensive sea was calm, although gentle waves made refreshing sounds as they hit the cliff. The sun was high above the sky, hurling its radiance everywhere. But my room remained under the rule of the shadows. I was there, sitting beside the window, peeking at the outside scenery through the gaps between the closed wooden blinds. It was wonderful. It seemed like I was looking at a painting on a wide canvass – a mere work of art I could not go into. It was like another realm I could not enter. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The breathtaking sight of the morning vista never failed to capture my heart and mind. As I watched the morning scenery, my eyes caught a blue robin gliding in the air, fluttering without restraint in the heavens. I could feel my heart crying out to me. How I wished I was a bird. I wanted to fly and explore the ends of the world. I wanted to escape the darkness of my room and go to the light like all the other people of our town. I wanted to break free of the chain known as destiny and live a normal life of happiness and excitement. A teardrop fell from eyes down to my rosy cheeks. I knew my wish would never come true. I had no choice but to different from all the others. I had no choice at all.

“You cannot go out of your room and let the other people see you.” that was the strict and firm instruction to me by my mother. She repeated that to me every day of my life for as long as I could remember, as if it was the most important thing I should remember in my life. My infant mind back then could not understand why she wanted me to stay in my room, when I could go outside and enjoy the great outdoors. I could not see why I should be alone when I could play and run with the other children of our town under the azure skies. I could not comprehend why I had to live in the darkness when I could go into the light. But my mother refused to tell me the reason behind her command. All she constantly reminded me was that someday, I would understand that everything she was telling me to do was for my own good. But that was not enough for my curious, adventurous, young mind. I wanted to know what it was like to go outside our house and walk around the world. But my mother nailed the window blinds of my room shut. And every time I would try to sneak out our abode, my mother would punish me with a long cane. I looked at my palm and saw a brownish marking on my smooth flesh. It was the mark of the pain when she punished me for trying to break the window blinds when I got desperate on escaping our home. But more than the beat, what really wounded me was the unbearable boredom I had in my life, and the fact that it was my mother who has depriving me of my happiness. I could not do anything but trust her. I just had to believe that behind that injustice was a good reason for not allowing to me to go out of our house. And I was not wrong in trusting her. On my eighteenth birthday, she finally told me everything about my identity and why I should not let the other people see me.

As I continued to gaze at the external panorama, my mind could not help but think of all the things that happened between me and Neil the night before. Neil. It was such a striking name, and it echoed in my mind again and again. Our encounter in the fields that night was one unforgettable event of life. I could still remember every detail of that evening, from the cold wind to the calm sea. Neil was only the third person I talked to in my entire life. I lived in solitude for many years since I was born, and throughout all those years, my mother had been the only one I could speak with. She was the one who hears all my problems. She was one who comforts me in times of trouble. She was the one who keeps me happy as I go through each day of my life in the darkness of my room. But there was another person I talked to before I met Neil – a person who was very special to me.

Tired of watching the outside scenery, I was about to lie on my bed on the other corner of my room when I heard voices of numerous people coming from down below in front of our house. I stood up from my sitting position to get a better view of the landscape, keeping my eyes close to the wooden blinds of my room. I could see a commotion. Most of our neighbors were there. Some of them seemed to be beating up a poor man who was struggling to get up from the ground. On the other hand, my mother, together with a few kindhearted townsfolk, was watching the situation from a distance. The council was also there, together with Henry. I could not clearly see who the poor battered man was, so I tried to stick my head even closer to the gaps of the blinds. I still couldn’t recognize who he was. I heard the angry cries of the people who were hitting the man with their bare hands. The council was trying to put everything under control, but they continued to hurt the unfortunate guy. The men were punching him, while the women pulled his hair dragged him across the street. As they went closer to our house, the identity of the man was slowly revealed to me. I was taken aback. I felt a horrible chill overtake my whole body. The man who was being dragged across the road was Lawrence. The events of the previous night suddenly flashed back in my mind like a rushing train crushing me to pieces. I thought that Lawrence got the message in the cake which I wrote for him, warning him of the crime that was being accused to him. But it was Neil who got the message. And I forgot to put a new piece of cake that night. Lawrence probably returned earlier in the morning, and he was not warned of the impending danger against him. Everything was my fault. It was entirely my fault. I was so stupid.

Lawrence was very important to me. I loved him, and he loved me. We met each other one summer night on the same field where I talked to Neil. He was an indigent beggar in our town, and I used to see him roaming around the streets asking for leftover food and other necessities. He lost his family at an early age and he was left with nothing to live his life. Besides my mother, he was the only one from our town who knew of my secret. He was the only one who knew of my true identity and why other people should not see me. I knew that it was also wrong to talk to him. I was not meant to talk to him. It was against my destiny. But I loved him, and I could feel the sincerity in his heart. I knew that he would keep my secret. I knew that he would never let me down. And so I had an amorous relationship with him. I could feel that as each day passed, my love for him grew stronger and stronger. He was kind and gentle to me. Every night, we would meet each other on the fields and look at the tranquil ocean. I appreciated his loyalty and sincerity to me, which he ultimately proved when he decided to get the Moon Flower to cure my mother’s disease. According to the legends, nobody would return to a journey in Moon Peak. But Lawrence was ready to risk his life for me. He was ready to sacrifice everything to give me the thing I desire the most – the Moon Flower.

I could never forgive myself for the horrible situation I caused Lawrence. The council was there, about to put him in prison for a crime he did not commit. And it was all because of my foolishness. It was all Neil’s fault. If he did not get the cake in the first place, I would not have thought that Lawrence had already returned and if he had not shown up in the field last night, I wouldn’t have forgotten to put a new piece of cake for Lawrence. As I saw him receive the angry blows of the people, I could feel his every pain as if I was the one getting hit the people. If I could only trade places with him, I would do it. I wanted to go out. I wanted to tell the council that Lawrence was innocent. I wanted to tell them to stop hurting him. I wanted to tell them that he suddenly disappeared because he ventured to Moon Peak to get the Moon Flower for me. But I could not go out. I could not let the other people see me.

“I don’t know of the things you blame me of!” Lawrence cried, now being hauled along the path on both hands by two brutish guards as commanded by the council. He was about to be thrown in prison for the crime that was accused to him.

“It is certain that you are the one who murdered Mr. Miguel Corrino,” the council replied.

“Why would I kill Mr. Corrino? He had been so kind to me.”

“You’re poor and desperate,” Henry said in a condemning tone. “You’re a filthy beggar and my uncle is a rich merchant. You probably wanted his money!”

“No! I did not kill him,” Lawrence insisted. But he was not able to do anything to disprove the accusations of the council. The council was a highly respected organization in our town composed of nothing but the wisest townsfolk. In our town, the council was the law. I saw Lawrence as he was yanked to the direction of the town prison. I knew I couldn’t just stand there and watch him in that dire situation. I love him and I had to help him. Quickly, I stepped out of my room and rushed downstairs. I had to get out and help the man I loved. I didn’t care if it was against my destiny. All I cared for was Lawrence’s safety. He had been too caring to me and I had to repay him his compassion. But as my feet touched the floorboards of our home’s bottom floor, my mother rushed in through the door and saw me.

“Where are you going?” she asked me. “Go back to your room. There are many people outside. Someone might see you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell my mother about Lawrence, for she did not know that I was talking to strangers and even went as far as having a relationship with them. “Umm…” I hesitated. “I saw everything that happened outside, and umm… the man seems innocent.”

“What made you say that?” my mother said in her frail voice. “And even if he is innocent, it’s none of our business. Go back to your room before someone sees you.” My mother pushed me back up the stairs into my room. I felt so helpless and dumb as I threw myself on the hard rattan bed beside the silver mirror. The impact on my back was strong, but I did not feel the pain. All I could think of was Lawrence, and how he was doing. I could feel the tears flowing from my eyes. I cried. I cried because of my stupidity. I cried because of my ignorance. I cried because of guilt. I cried because of Lawrence. I wanted to scream and let out all the pain I was feeling inside of me. I cried because of Neil. He was the one who caused all the trouble. If he had not entered my life, those things would not have happened. Wait a minute. Neil. That was right. He was the only one I could hold on at that time of despair. He was the one who could help me get Lawrence out of prison.