I woke up against the cold glass of the window in the backseat of the light blue convertible I owned. Only Erin was driving it right now. I slept disturbingly. My dream of crushed hearts and broken loves (or was it broken hearts and crushed loves? I was much too depressed to care) haunted me nightly and I could not shake them. I slowly sat up and pulled my journal out of the backpack that lay untouched next to me.  Carolyn sat in the front passengers seat playing with the many knobs of the radio just like my brother Brendon Urie once did when I first met Pete Wentz in person.

Pete Wentz.

I opened the journal to a clean page and put my pen to the paper.

The men in my life are haunting me in every whisper or breath, I wrote, then closed it and put it away.

I wrote the same thing every day for the past two months.

Erin noticed the radio was playing a My Chemical Romance song. I cringed and pulled my hoodie tighter over my head and curled back up in the seat.

Gerard Way.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to listen to his voice.

Erin changed the radio station quickly.

Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana.

I relaxed a little but then remembered a certain boy that sang it to me once before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Jared Leto.

I pulled myself in tighter and tried not to pay attention to them.

Every guy I’ve ever liked everything went wrong.

Ashlee, Liza, Irene.

The women that ruined my life and sent me in a downwards spiral of depression.

“Chels? You awake hun?” Erin’s diamond wedding ring glinted in the sunlight. I forced a little choked noise from my throat and squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them again and noticed Carolyn’s wedding ring.

Mrs. Erin Hurley.

Mrs. Carolyn Ross.

Ms. Chelsea Hopeless Heartbreaker...

I was never going to find someone. I closed my eyes and thought back to why this road trip had to happen.

********** 

“She won’t move. She won’t talk. She won’t eat.” Carolyn’s voice rang through the empty bedroom.

“Chelsea, hunny, we’re going to go far away. Where do you think far away is?” Erin asked.

“Germany.” The first thing that came into my head.

And so, we started on the road trip to Germany.