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"I love him. I love him. I love him" No matter how many times Ali said it she couldn't seem to convince herself it was true. Jake was rather hard to love, and she was sure he didn't love her in return anyways, cause if he did, she sure as hell had a weird way of showing it. But she was his, so everyday before he came home from work she would tell herself that repeatedly as she made dinner, hoping that one day she could convince herself, and she would be happy with him.
For he hurt her, god did he hurt her, the bruises may have faded with time, and she knew the new ones would fade as well. But the emotional pain he bestowed upon her? That never faded, never dulled, just haunted her with distressing memories.
But he was her husband. And she couldn't leave him, she just couldn't. She knew that if she did, no one else would love her. It had been something Jake had taught her since they had gotten married and though at one point she thought she was beautiful, that was all gone now. Leaving her feeling ugly and worthless… she would stay with him, she didn't want to die alone, no one wants to die alone. But Jake loved her, he must, he stayed with her all this time.
But she was naturally beautiful, she didn't need to hide behind make-up to look stunning. Her long hair, black as a raven hung just past her shoulders and her 5'5 frail skinny body was no match for his 6'2. One. And when he hit her, she was much to afraid to hit back. But each time he hit her, he promised that it would be the last time, he hugged her close, he told her he loved her, he must love her then.
Back when Jake married her, he was quite the looker and spoke so sweetly that no one could have guessed that he was secretly such an aggressive hulking brute. His hair flipped out when it touched his ears. A thick main of auburn locks and green eyes that were flaunted by the beauty of his tan skin, he was buff, weighing in at 180 and mostly muscle. He could dish out a hit as well as receive one.
The doorknob turned and she mentally flinched, she didn't make herself love him, not this day, she had failed. He walked in and right past the kitchen, not even giving her a glance as he walked up the stairs to his room. From the kitchen she heard the loud thumps of him angrily throwing his stuff. Her body froze with fear , it was inevitable, he was going to lash out at her, he always did when he had a bad day at work.
She continued to cook in silence, hoping not to draw attention to herself. She heard the pattering of his feet as he jogged back down the stairs and trained her eyes forward. She felt strong arms around her pull her like a rag doll away from the stove and she didn't catch her scream before it escaped her lips, she hadn't even had a chance to let go of the handle of the frying pan. He turned her around and without thinking, grabbed the pan from her hands, burning himself in the process and dropping it, causing it's contents to spill everywhere.
"Fuck" he yelled as he cradled his right arm to his chest.
"I-I'm sorry" She said slowly as she looked at him with big apologetic eyes and grabbed the roll of paper towels to clean it. He cuped the back of her head with his left hand, and she dropped to the floor quickly to continue cleaning before he did it again. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tore a few free and began to mop up the mess. She felt him grab her and pull her up forcefully.
"What were you thinking!?!?! Were you trying to burn me!!??!" He was always so scary when he was angry , the way the vain in his forehead popped out and the way he clenched his fist. So many things he did frightened her and he knew it, he loved holding the advantage of having that fear of him. "Clean it up now!!!!" as quickly as he lifted her up, he pushed her right back down and she fell to her knees with a small thud.
A half an hour and a roll of paper towels later, the floor was clean and she began to cook a different meal. He was going to be hungry, she needed to get his food out to him along with an ice pack for his hand. As she plated the food, her mind basically attacked her with the raw reality of her life. It knocked the wind out of her.
She was always taught to be an independent woman, and her whole life she had spoke about it, but now, as she carried the plate to her husband, she realized she had become what she always hated.
She bottled the emotions up as she set the plate on his lap and handed the ice pack. He grabbed it from her, and with his good hand, he grasped her write, using his bad hand to put the plate on the floor before pulling her into his lap.
"Sorry I snapped at you" he said softly "you are just soo… irresponsible, you need to watch out next time."
She nodded softly and he kissed your head "you can go to the room now"
She nodded and listened, she would eat as well if he allowed her to, but he wanted her weight to remain under 110 so she only ate on special occasions such as holidays and family visits. Those were the days where they played happy family and she had to listen to and agree with everyone saying how great of a husband he makes. She hated it, but there was no escape from it. If she called the cops, his rich brother would pay bail and he would find her, and no restraining order would keep him away.
She went up to her room and laid on the bed, letting all her tears out as she clutched her pillow. She always saw these strong women all over, strong independent women who had the guts to stand up to the ones who tried to bring them down, why couldn't she be like that, why couldn't she be strong?
The door opened and she sprung up, wiping the tears and regaining herself just in time to see him walk in, clutching the ice pack to his hand. He looked at her and at the tears still on her cheeks and shook his head in audible disappointment.
"crying?" he asked "you should be embarrassed, I thought we talked this out, why on gods earth would you be crying over something that's over?" he said bluntly.
"I am" she whispered, " I just let my thoughts get to me is all"
"Well… that is not the reason I came looking for you." he sat down on the bed as he spoke and patted the spot next to him. She came and sat down next to him and he put his good hand on her knee, one of the few nice gestures' he did that was always severely over shadowed by the abuse. After a moment, he pulled her close and said a small sorry again as he kissed her head.
He straightened up and cleared his throat, "well Ali, it's been a while since we have been away from here. Since our honeymoon if I recall right. Well I was thinking we should take a vacation, I won my last case and I feel this would be a good way of celebrating it."
The thought shocked and confused her, since when did he ever want to take a vacation? Since he had become a lawyer, even the thought of going anywhere would anger him, he didn't want to take any time away from his job. But maybe this was him trying to change his ways, so she would embrace it.
"where would you want to go?" living in California she automatically assumed some where close, san Diego, san Francisco even.
"I already know where we are going to go. We'll be going to Dunedin New Zealand."