"If you dont love me anymore, then just break up with me. I love
you so much but i feel like you dont want to go out with me
anymore and i feel like your leading me on and it really hurts,"
I said quietly, feeling my heart break as i finally said the
words aloud to him.
"Maria... i just. i... you're right. i'm sorry but it's just not working anymore. I'm so sorry," Jeremy finally replies after many expressions cross his face. He slowly turns away and walks off, letting his final words to me sink in. Realising it's over, i sink to the floor, crying my heart out as the tears race down my cheeks.
After kneeling on the ground for so long, i eventually stood up and made my way home, with my head bent the whole way. The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur and i finally found myself laying in bed with fresh tears rolling down my already tear stained, pale cheeks. I could hear the rain pattering dismally against the window, like thousands of tears falling from the clouds to match the thousands of tears falling from my eyes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, drowning everything out and trying to forget everything. And i soon fall into a deep, dreamless, heartbreaking sleep.
"the secret side of me, i never let you see
i keep it caged but i cant control it
so stay away from me, the beast is ugly
i feel the rage and i just cant hold it" Still half asleep, i sit up and pick my phone up, turning off my alarm. Automatically, i feel a smile tug at my mouth as i think of seeing my amazing boyfriend, Jeremy, at school today. However, as soon as my brain processed that thought, yesterdays events came rolling through my mind like an unwanted storm, reminding me of the awful break up. Slowly, i felt tears creep down my cheeks silently. How am i ever going to get over this?! I lay back down on my bed and rub my eyes, trying to get the tears to stop falling. It doesn't work though. They just keep coming and coming.
"Why won't they stop?!" i growl, furious at myself. I go into the bathroom which is attached to my bedroom. As i look in the mirror, i grimace at my reflection. It doesn't look like me, the girl in the mirror's eyes are swollen, puffy and bloodshot and there are little trails of dried tears down her cheeks. Her face is too pale, completely drained of colour. Her lips are pushed downwards and her perfectly shaped eyebrows are furrowed downwards too. The girls nose is red, which is the only colour on her face. I turn away from the mirror so i don't have to look at the hideous girl. Suddenly, i catch a shimmer of light reflecting off of a shiny object. A razor.
"Do it, don't be a pussy," i hear a voice whisper in my head. I slowly pick up the razor and draw it across my left wrist. At first, it burns but the pain slowly dissappears and i cant feel it anymore. I like it, as the blood trickles out, i feel like all the sadness is trickling out of my body, all of the memories of me and Jeremy slowly being forgotten. Eventually, i stop, feeling lighter than before. I wash the razor to get the blood off and i force myself to hold my wrist below the tap. I wince as the freezing water smacks into the cut skin. Soon, i turn the water off and return to my room to get changed for school.
After getting changed, i walk downstairs, still feeling
depressed. After making my cereal, i sit at the kitchen table and
eat silently, staring into space like a zombie. A heartbroken,
hiedous, pathetic zombie that has just been dumped by the boy of
her dreams. Suddenly, i can taste cold metal and i put a hand to
my mouth and find blood on it when i pull away. Realising i
must've bit my cheek, i go to the sink and swirl water around my
mouth. After spittting out the bloody water, i turn towards the
stairs as someone slowly thumps down them. Eventually, my dad
enters my line of sight and i sigh quietly. My dad glares at me
as he turns the kettle on.
"What the fuck is your problem?!" He growls, staring at me disgustedly.
"N-nothing," I stutter quietly and go to make my way towards the front door.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" He shouts, causing me to jump.
"S-s-school," I manage to squeak.
"Have i said you can go to fucking school yet?" He shouts again, stepping closer to me. I feel my eyes widen and i get a horrible feeling in my stomach. Fear.
"No, but i just..." i trail off, scared of what will come next. Almost instantly, i feel his massive hand slam into my cheek, causing it to sting loads as the blood rushes to the surface.
"Get some fucking milk on you're way home from school, alright?" He says, raising his voice only slightly. However slight it was, it still scared the shit out of me.
"S-sure," I reply, not quite sure of what to do. He suddenly slaps me again in the exact same spot before picking up his tea.
"Stupid whore," I hear him mutter as he makes his way back upstairs. I feel tears burn my eyes as they do everyday but i blink them away. Normally, at this point i think of how lucky i am to have Jeremy and not to worry because i'll be able to see him soon and feel his arms enveloping me. But today, i can't think that, because it's not true. I grab my bag, slip my shoes on and exit the miserable house i call my home.
Okay so i'll admit, this is probably one of the darkest stories i've ever written but i was upset, wrote the first sentence randomlyand then thought, 'hey, i could turn this into a story!' so yeah that's what i did ;L PLEASE give me feedback, good or bad, as long as it's constructive :) comment, like....etc. 2nd chapter will be up...... after i've finished writing it ;L