You never thought it could be me.
The New Year party is something that every one looks forward to once it’s December. Well, the same is with me too but for a rather different reason. I am actually waiting for a new fresh year ahead which could may be bring in some change in my life. Right now my life sucks..!
And the reasons are....
One-I’m at no where professionally. Just not able to decide what’s best for me. I’ve completed my high school still confused what to choose next. Just wandering around aimless and hopeless.
Two-I lost my love-my best friend to my best enemy ever...I wonder what he sees in her. But I still find him happy with her. That should probably make me happy too.Thats what I keep saying to myself and the fact is something else...
Okay, let me just figure out my feelings when I am around them..
First I see them around, smile at them definitely a fake one for my best friend who expects a rather pleasing smile, so that one is just for him. Then I see her possessively wrap a hand around his arm. I find myself growing red at that sight still managing to stick a plastic smile on my face. Then she traces a hand on his cheek, with pleasure performing all sorts of PDA’s which I just hate it like hell but still forcing random smiles at my friend..Then I find his hand wrapped around her waist too possessively, this doesn’t get me on my nerves but it gets tears in my eyes. Obviously hard to resist them more as I find him more and more happy with her, smiling lovingly at her, kissing her temple, now this is such a lovely act I tell you but only if I was there instead of her...Why can’t he just think of me that way? Yeah...Now this is the final thought that poops my mind and THE THOUGHT that could no longer make my fake smile stay there and can no longer help me resist my tears…
God!! To avoid all such I should completely avoid my own social activities or being around him...
And that’s the obvious third reason why my life sucks right now, because to avoid all that crap I’m right now all alone in my flat wondering what am I supposed to do being lonely on a dec-31 night while every one else close to me are happily partying out there..
My life really sucks, isn’t it?
My phone ring popped me out of my tragic thoughts and I knew who is it..Clara, another best friend of mine. This is actually sixth time that she’s giving me a call and I haven’t actually bothered to pick it up so far…
“Sabi, I know you are there, definitely, just pick it up God damn it..”she literally barks from the other end as a reply to my answering machine.
God, she really does know how to get me on my nerves..I take a deep sigh giving up and rushed to the phone to pick it up.
“What is it Clara? I said I don’t wanna come, that means NO, why don’t you get that??” I uttered out being completely pissed off by her.
“You should come and that’s final” I should know she’s stubborn too.
“Clara I told you already, I’m busy..Why don’t you just have fun by yourself..?” I calmed my self.
“Busy my foot? You think we don't know how fucking busy you are with you loads of ice creams and wine out there??” Yeah..! She’s absolutely right. I was exactly doing the same to pass out my time. A glass of wine and then a cup of ice cream and then it’s all repeated again. I am already done with three such rounds and I’m already little drunk Crazy hey?
“Clara...” I said softly and I know I’m giving up...shit Sabi no! You can’t go to that freaking party where every one including your best friend is happy getting their own love life…I should know I’m a looser...
“Sabi, please…Is Sam is the only friend you have? Cant you just come over and have fun with all of us?”
No, no...Don’t get convinced…you cant go there..
“Sabi...Are you there? Just say you are coming, we really want you to be here...”
“Clara, I don’t have a partner, how can you forget that?”
Yes, it’s the regular annual New Year party that we attend every year to a local pub beach side .It’s me and Sam going together. Now he has a girlfriend and he dint even bother to know how would I go, for he is the only guy in my life I’ve known so far not literally but as in that close to me that I can hangout with him. but he forget me this year.. Things sometimes change rapidly…
“Don’t worry darling, Max’s friend is out here and he’ll come and assist you when you reach here...Now is that okay with you, I have set everything ready for you love just say yes..” she said
I can’t believe this, how come she is so sweet. Yes, she is. It’s only me who’s always too much messed up with my life that I hardly notice how good she can be to me.
Max is her boyfriend. It’s been more than a year that they are dating now and I guess they are finally seeing each other seriously. She’s really lucky. I can tell Max really has strong feelings for her...So here I feel all alone again with both of my best friends finding their way in their love lives...I feel happy for them though, well, not really about Sam asmuch as I try to show it..
Well, I don’t believe myself. I’m actually going there, I don’t know why but still here I’m ready to face it all over again..Is there an end to this burning feeling inside me that comes along with the thought of seeing them together…?
Now I am wearing a black cocktail dress that I picked up randomly not quite interested to choose the best one. This actually suits my mood. Its covering my shoulder all over leaving just my hands sleeveless and hanging up to the bottom of my knee showing my curves quite well. My hair is loose and straight and my makeup is too low. It just took about fifteen minute for me groom myself. That tells how normal I might be looking but hey I care les about that now...
“Hie...um...Sabrina..?” A tall hottie comes over to me as I reach the club.
“Yeah...” I said blankly.
Yes; he is definitely hot and gorgeous with his deep ocean blue eyes and a tall well-built form but I must say I’m not that good to get along with boys who are strangers and the obvious reason is that I never felt any need for it as long as I thought I had Sam with me. But see, he can never be mine. Look how he keeps popping into my mind every now and then for every stupid possible reason...
“James...” he introduced himself beckoning for a shake hand and I did, “Call me Sabi” I said it again expressionless and a little rude and I can see a clear drop in his face that turned from amusement to disappointment…
“Sorry boy, I can’t be a good company for you tonight, better go hangout with some one else to make your new year better...I’m not generally a party pooper but today I am...” this time my accent was more rude and arrogant but still I tired to hold a smile making sure not giving him any hint of my worst mood.
“That’s all right...Let me just escort you inside...that’s what I’ve been told to do..So shall we..?” he lifted his elbow for me and I found myself hooking my hand in it to assist him inside.
James and I were greeted by Clara and Max once we were inside. James seemed to be a good friend of Max.All the three talked about random things, cracking funny jokes and I tired to throw random fake smiles and laughs at them while my eyes searchedfor the two people out there who would really spoil my mood more now but still I find myself searching for him. Typical me…
I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to face the only gorgeous amazing face I’ve known all my life. Today he’s wearing a blue denim jacket over a while t-shirt with dark blue jeans below that gave him the charming look ever. He has got his thick light brown hair a little messy giving him that sexy look and his beaming light blue eyes sparkling with a smile on his face and lips parting away for a grin giving him that dimple on his cheeks..
“I’ve been trying your phone since morning...Where were you?” He asked giving me a bare hug for a moment.
I was at home all alone because you are busy with your girlfriend...and dint quite bother to pick your damn call that only asks me to search some other partner to assist me here..
“Umm...I was busy with some...some stuff...you know...” I shrugged my shoulders looking every where other than those eyes that were staring right at me. I could sense it though.
“Oh...” was all he said...
“How did you make it up here? That’s what I wanted to ask...You know I have to be here with Kate and that how….” He was actually stammering and struggling to explain. See I knew it.Thats the only reason you would call me…
“That’s okay, Sam…I’m here with a friend of Max...” I then grabbed James hand from behind and pulled him to me.
“Meet James…” I said
“oh..! Hie..Samuel...” he introduced himself.
“How come your alone Sam?” I said rolling my eyes.
He narrowed his eyes a moment... “Oh are you asking about Kate? She’s right there meeting some of her friends...” he said pointing out to her.
“Oh..! That’s why you found some time to meet your old friends?” I asked looking straight into his eyes.
“Old friends? Common Sabi…You are never old...” He tried to place his hand on my shoulder while I shrugged it off.
"What ever.." I rolled my eyes.
He tried to say something while the most annoying voice ever pops into the scenario.
“Sammy...What are you doing here...” she said as she approached us wrapping a hand around his waist and giving a peck on his lips.
Go get a life girl… I rolled my eyes.
“Hey..Hello Sabi…” she smiled at me.
“Hie” that was a smile less blank reply.
“Is there a problem?” she asked as she gazed at me and Sam while we were staring.
“Uh.nothing…you guys enjoy...” I said looking at Kate “James could you buy me a drink?” I asked him who had been standing beside me all the time. I wonder how come he dint get bored of me yet.
“Sure” he said as he walked me to the drinks.
I could feel Sam’s eyes on my back as I walked away from him. We reached the drinks and sat across each other. I donno what exactly I’m doing here with this guy with me but all I want as of now is to get drunk. Yes...That would probably work to get rid of this empty feeling inside me.
One,two three…..eight, nine,…I went on picking up each glass and finishing it in seconds while I found James actually not finding anything interested in what I was doing. His gaze then caught a hot chick dancing on the floor. She was really eye-catchy and sexy...
I patted his shoulder and he faced me.
“Go..Get her..” I encouraged him with my daisy eyes and drunken tone.
“Yeah man...Go..! Have fun..!”
I literally pushed him to the floor and in process I found Sam and Kate kissing each other passionately on the dance floor. He has his hands on her waist caressing desperately sliding down his hands along her curves. He then pulled away and some how directly looked at me to his side. I kept staring; dint bother to look away...Still kept staring. I saw his face that said something to me; the way he looked had something in it but dint quite able to read what it meant. Then Kate whispered something in his ear and he immediately busted out laughing. He giggled around with her holding her tight at her waist protectively and my heart ached like hell. There was unbearable pain building inside my heart and I knew this would happen. I’m actually feeling completely sick from inside and a pressure of sick feeling raised up from inside my stomach. He was actually happy with her, very happy…
Why she Sam? Why not me? I’ve seen hell lot of dreams in which I was with you like that? Dint you ever felt for me that way? Never?? Why not Sam? Am I that bad? Am I That not happening? Yes, may be I’m not but you still said you liked me the way I am right? Then why can’t you think of me that way? You have always been searching for your Ms.perfect? Is this what your Ms.Perfect is like? You never thought it could be me..?Never??Not even once in all these years??