You never thought it
could be me.
The New Year party is something that
every one looks forward to once it's December. Well, the same is
with me too but for a rather different reason. I am actually
waiting for a new fresh year ahead which could may be bring in
some change in my life. Right now my life sucks..!
And the reasons
One-I'm at no where professionally.
Just not able to decide what's best for me. I've completed my
high school still confused what to choose next. Just wandering
around aimless and hopeless.
Two-I lost my love-my best friend to
my best enemy ever...I wonder what he sees in her. But I still
find him happy with her. That should probably make me happy
too.Thats what I keep saying to myself and the fact is something
Okay, let me just figure out my
feelings when I am around them..
First I see them around, smile at
them definitely a fake one for my best friend who expects a
rather pleasing smile, so that one is just for him. Then I see
her possessively wrap a hand around his arm. I find myself
growing red at that sight still managing to stick a plastic smile
on my face. Then she traces a hand on his cheek, with pleasure
performing all sorts of PDA's which I just hate it like hell but
still forcing random smiles at my friend..Then I find his hand
wrapped around her waist too possessively, this doesn't get me on
my nerves but it gets tears in my eyes. Obviously hard to resist
them more as I find him more and more happy with her, smiling
lovingly at her, kissing her temple, now this is such a lovely
act I tell you but only if I was there instead of her...Why can't
he just think of me that way? Yeah...Now this is the final
thought that poops my mind and THE THOUGHT that could no longer
make my fake smile stay there and can no longer help me resist my
God!! To avoid all such I should
completely avoid my own social activities or being around
And that's the obvious third reason
why my life sucks right now, because to avoid all that crap I'm
right now all alone in my flat wondering what am I supposed to do
being lonely on a dec-31 night while every one else close to me
are happily partying out there..
My life really sucks, isn't
My phone ring popped me out of my
tragic thoughts and I knew who is it..Clara, another best friend
of mine. This is actually sixth time that she's giving me a call
and I haven't actually bothered to pick it up so
"Sabi, I know you are there,
definitely, just pick it up God damn it.."she literally barks
from the other end as a reply to my answering
God, she really does know how to get
me on my nerves..I take a deep sigh giving up and rushed to the
phone to pick it up.
"What is it Clara? I said I don't
wanna come, that means NO, why don't you get that??" I uttered
out being completely pissed off by her.
"You should come and that's final" I
should know she's stubborn too.
"Clara I told you already, I'm
busy..Why don't you just have fun by yourself..?" I calmed my
"Busy my foot? You think we don't
know how fucking busy you are with you loads of ice creams and
wine out there??" Yeah..! She's absolutely right. I was exactly
doing the same to pass out my time. A glass of wine and then a
cup of ice cream and then it's all repeated again. I am already
done with three such rounds and I'm already little drunk Crazy
"Clara..." I said softly and I know
I'm giving up...shit Sabi no! You can't go to that freaking party
where every one including your best friend is happy getting their
own love life…I should know I'm a looser...
"Sabi, please…Is Sam is the only
friend you have? Cant you just come over and have fun with all of
No, no...Don't get convinced…you
cant go there..
"Sabi...Are you there? Just say you
are coming, we really want you to be here..."
"Clara, I don't have a partner, how
can you forget that?"
Yes, it's the regular annual New
Year party that we attend every year to a local pub beach side
.It's me and Sam going together. Now he has a girlfriend and he
dint even bother to know how would I go, for he is the only guy
in my life I've known so far not literally but as in that close
to me that I can hangout with him. but he forget me this year..
Things sometimes change rapidly…
"Don't worry darling, Max's friend
is out here and he'll come and assist you when you reach
here...Now is that okay with you, I have set everything ready for
you love just say yes.." she said
I can't believe this, how come she
is so sweet. Yes, she is. It's only me who's always too much
messed up with my life that I hardly notice how good she can be
Max is her boyfriend. It's been more
than a year that they are dating now and I guess they are finally
seeing each other seriously. She's really lucky. I can tell Max
really has strong feelings for her...So here I feel all alone
again with both of my best friends finding their way in their
love lives...I feel happy for them though, well, not really about
Sam asmuch as I try to show it..
Well, I don't believe myself. I'm
actually going there, I don't know why but still here I'm ready
to face it all over again..Is there an end to this burning
feeling inside me that comes along with the thought of seeing
Now I am wearing a black cocktail
dress that I picked up randomly not quite interested to choose
the best one. This actually suits my mood. Its covering my
shoulder all over leaving just my hands sleeveless and hanging up
to the bottom of my knee showing my curves quite well. My hair is
loose and straight and my makeup is too low. It just took about
fifteen minute for me groom myself. That tells how normal I might
be looking but hey I care les about that now...
"Hie...um...Sabrina..?" A tall
hottie comes over to me as I reach the club.
"Yeah..." I said
Yes; he is definitely hot and
gorgeous with his deep ocean blue eyes and a tall well-built form
but I must say I'm not that good to get along with boys who are
strangers and the obvious reason is that I never felt any need
for it as long as I thought I had Sam with me. But see, he can
never be mine. Look how he keeps popping into my mind every now
and then for every stupid possible reason...
"James..." he introduced himself
beckoning for a shake hand and I did, "Call me Sabi" I said it
again expressionless and a little rude and I can see a clear drop
in his face that turned from amusement to
"Sorry boy, I can't be a good
company for you tonight, better go hangout with some one else to
make your new year better...I'm not generally a party pooper but
today I am..." this time my accent was more rude and arrogant but
still I tired to hold a smile making sure not giving him any hint
of my worst mood.
"That's all right...Let me just
escort you inside...that's what I've been told to do..So shall
we..?" he lifted his elbow for me and I found myself hooking my
hand in it to assist him inside.
James and I were greeted by Clara
and Max once we were inside. James seemed to be a good friend of
Max.All the three talked about random things, cracking funny
jokes and I tired to throw random fake smiles and laughs at them
while my eyes searchedfor the two people out there who would
really spoil my mood more now but still I find myself searching
for him. Typical me…
I felt a tap on my shoulder and I
turned around to face the only gorgeous amazing face I've known
all my life. Today he's wearing a blue denim jacket over a while
t-shirt with dark blue jeans below that gave him the charming
look ever. He has got his thick light brown hair a little messy
giving him that sexy look and his beaming light blue eyes
sparkling with a smile on his face and lips parting away for a
grin giving him that dimple on his cheeks..
"I've been trying your phone since
morning...Where were you?" He asked giving me a bare hug for a
I was at home all alone because you
are busy with your girlfriend...and dint quite bother to pick
your damn call that only asks me to search some other partner to
assist me here..
"Umm...I was busy with some...some
stuff...you know..." I shrugged my shoulders looking every where
other than those eyes that were staring right at me. I could
sense it though.
"Oh..." was all he
"How did you make it up here? That's
what I wanted to ask...You know I have to be here with Kate and
that how…." He was actually stammering and struggling to explain.
See I knew it.Thats the only reason you would call
"That's okay, Sam…I'm here with a
friend of Max..." I then grabbed James hand from behind and
pulled him to me.
"Meet James…" I said
"oh..! Hie..Samuel..." he introduced
"How come your alone Sam?" I said
rolling my eyes.
He narrowed his eyes a moment... "Oh
are you asking about Kate? She's right there meeting some of her
friends..." he said pointing out to her.
"Oh..! That's why you found some
time to meet your old friends?" I asked looking straight into his
"Old friends? Common Sabi…You are
never old..." He tried to place his hand on my shoulder while I
shrugged it off.
"What ever.." I rolled my
He tried to say something while the
most annoying voice ever pops into the scenario.
"Sammy...What are you doing here..."
she said as she approached us wrapping a hand around his waist
and giving a peck on his lips.
Go get a life girl… I
rolled my eyes.
"Hey..Hello Sabi…" she smiled at
"Hie" that was a smile less blank
"Is there a problem?" she asked as
she gazed at me and Sam while we were staring.
"Uh.nothing…you guys enjoy..." I
said looking at Kate "James could you buy me a drink?" I asked
him who had been standing beside me all the time. I wonder how
come he dint get bored of me yet.
"Sure" he said as he walked me to
I could feel Sam's eyes on my back
as I walked away from him. We reached the drinks and sat across
each other. I donno what exactly I'm doing here with this guy
with me but all I want as of now is to get drunk. Yes...That
would probably work to get rid of this empty feeling inside
One,two three…..eight, nine,…I went
on picking up each glass and finishing it in seconds while I
found James actually not finding anything interested in what I
was doing. His gaze then caught a hot chick dancing on the floor.
She was really eye-catchy and sexy...
I patted his shoulder and he faced
"Go..Get her.." I encouraged him
with my daisy eyes and drunken tone.
"Yeah man...Go..! Have
I literally pushed him to the floor
and in process I found Sam and Kate kissing each other
passionately on the dance floor. He has his hands on her waist
caressing desperately sliding down his hands along her curves. He
then pulled away and some how directly looked at me to his side.
I kept staring; dint bother to look away...Still kept staring. I
saw his face that said something to me; the way he looked had
something in it but dint quite able to read what it meant. Then
Kate whispered something in his ear and he immediately busted out
laughing. He giggled around with her holding her tight at her
waist protectively and my heart ached like hell. There was
unbearable pain building inside my heart and I knew this would
happen. I'm actually feeling completely sick from inside and a
pressure of sick feeling raised up from inside my stomach. He was
actually happy with her, very happy…
Why she Sam? Why not me? I've seen
hell lot of dreams in which I was with you like that? Dint you
ever felt for me that way? Never?? Why not Sam? Am I that bad? Am
I That not happening? Yes, may be I'm not but you still said you
liked me the way I am right? Then why can't you think of me that
way? You have always been searching for your Ms.perfect? Is this
what your Ms.Perfect is like? You never thought it could be
me..?Never??Not even once in all these years??