I don't get it. Why does this always happen? Why can't i get past this? this pain?
I sat at the lunch table with my hands in my lap. I just wanted to eat my non-existant lunch in peace, but that couldn't happen. I saw him turn from the first table, next to the exit that leads out of the lunch room. I felt my heart starting to pound as he walked closer and closer. I didn't know what was going on and i don't remember much of what happened after he sat down next to me, but all i know is, when i left the lunch room that day, something wasn't right. I mean, my stomoch was in knots and i couldn't catch my breath. The first thing i remember is standing on the sidewalk outside the main building of my school. I felt someone holding my arm, trying to hold my upright, but i was too scared to look at who it might be. I could hear, whoever it was, trying to talk to me. I was trying to listen but the words weren't making any scince. It was like i couldn't speak english. It was like standing between a thousand hispanic kids trying to give you directions. The experience i was encountering was so unreal, I couldn't do anything. I was a zombee.
The next thing i remember is sitting in a desk in a classroom that was pretty femilliar. It was Mrs. Cort's room. She was my english teacher. Cristie, Mrs. Cort's first name, wasn't like a normal teacher, I mean, she taught us stuff but the things she taught the best were the things we could take beyand the classroom. As i sat in the third seat of the second row, I felt the warmth of tears rolling down my cheak. Cristie sat backwards in the dest infront of me. She didn't talk or try to bother me, she just sat there and looked me in the face as i cried. The time ticked on and i saw the progression of worry set in on her beautiful face. I decided it was time to tell her what was going on.
"He sat with me at lunch." Her face tensed and she tightened her lips untill they were persed tightly together.
"Is that why you are hear?" I shook my head and burried it into the crease of my arm as the tears began to fall more heavily. "Honey, What are you doing?"
I felt the words coming up like word vomit, and as if i actually remembered what had happened, i began to explain everything. I was entering untreaded waters. I was about to fully explain everything that i have been through. I was about to tell her, for the first time, about Allen.