We pulled up to local fast food joint making me look at Danny. I know he hates pretty much every type of fast food unless he is on his man-period. But this one is Matty’s favorite. “Come on, I’m hungry.” He smiled at me getting out of the car. I put my sunglasses in the cup holder before getting out as Matty jumped around excited. I watched as Danny rubbed the back of his head nervously. I knew this wasn’t good. We ordered and sat down in a booth away from everyone else.
“What are you going to tell us?” I said as I put French fries on my burger. Danny blinked at me not knowing what to say. Matty opened his toy from his happy meal and started to play with it.
“How do you know I want to talk to you about something?” He asked taking a sip from his drink recovering his tongue.
“Because I’m not stupid.” I sighed putting my bread back on the burger. “What are you going to tell me that needs to be sweetened with food?” He sighed.
“You caught me.” I raised an eyebrow at him. He took a deep breath. “I’m going to be going on a mission in South America for two weeks. I’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.” I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. “It will only two weeks, Ana. Then I’ll be back. You’ll be a week into school Matty two. I’m sorry.” I shook my head.
“It’s not your fault. I’m just surprised. I thought you said you weren’t going to go so soon.” He shrugged.
“I am. They don’t want to send me on a full deployment so they are sending me on these short missions.” I nodded. I took a sip of my soda and pulled at the end of my braid. “I know it’s a touchy time at the moment with us meshing as a family but I have to go.”
“I know Danny. Have you told my Mother?” I asked him wrapping up my food. I know I can’t stomach anything right now.
“I haven’t. I thought maybe if I told you first you could help her through this.” I stared at him like he was crazy. He must have lost his mind. Matty sat staring at his toy not saying a thing. He moves over and curls into my side.
“Daddy, are you going to miss my first day of school?” He held onto my arm.
“I’m sorry Bud, but I’m sure Diana will take you to school.” I felt Matty tremble at the thought of being alone with my Mother.
“My Mother doesn’t do early morning school.” I shrugged. “I’ll take you Buddy, then after we’ll get yogurt.” He looked up at me and smiled.
“Thank you Annie.” He was still snuggled up to my side.
“You’re going to have to tell her. The longer you wait the more anger she is going to get.” He nodded at me.
“Promise me one thing, well two.” I nodded.
“You’ll take care of Matty.” I nodded.
“And no more tattoos.” I smiled at him. “Not until I’m back.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” I shoved our leftover food into Matty’s kid’s meal bag. “You want to go see one of your friends, Matty? Daddy needs to go talk to my Moth-mom.” Matty nodded as Danny pulled out his phone to call his friends. We walked out with me helping Matty into his car seat.
“Alright, thank you.” Danny hung up and looked at me. “He can come over now. I can drop you off somewhere.”
“No, you want to switch and I’ll drop you off at the house?” I asked him taking a sip of my soda. “I have to go somewhere after anyway.” He hands me the keys. We switched seats before I pulled out and made my way towards base.
“How am I supposed to tell your mother?” I looked over at him quickly.
“I’m not sure. Try to do it in the nicest way possible. If you don’t she will get anger.” I shook my head. “She’s like the hulk; you don’t like to see her when she’s angry.” Danny rolled his eyes.
“I’m being serious here, Ana.” I switched lanes. If he only knew how serious I am really am.
“Try taking her dinner. Or you can just do the whole after sex thing.” He pulled a face at me. “Don’t ask how I know that. You really don’t want to know.” I shuddered.
“Thanks for the advice.” He smiled weakly at me as I pulled up to the house.
“I bit you good luck, Daniel.” I bowed my head to him.
“Thanks, Ana.” I winked at him as he got out and I pulled out to drop Matty off. I’ve been to this friend’s house so I knew where he lived.
“Have fun, Sweetheart.” I called as he got out and ran to go knock on the door.
“Bye, Annie!” I drove off base and parked in a spot by the beach pulling on my sleeves. I picked up my pack of cigarettes and just walked till I was sitting on the seawall looking down at the ocean below me. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag as I stared into the ocean watching the seagulls flying over the calm water. I sat just watching the water till the sun started to set. I got up to get ready to go home, my mind peaceful. Nothing could bring me down now…….
I closed the door behind me putting my keys into my bag. “Where have you been?” My mother growled putting down her magazine on the table.
“I was out. Where’s Danny and Matty?” I took my shoes off watching her as she stood up.
“I don’t see how that matters. You have nothing to do with either of them.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“They’re my family now. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal that I’m asking.” I sighed walking to my room.
“Don’t you dare smart mouth me, you brat.” She growled grabbing my wrist yanking me back.
“I’m not smart mouthing you, Mother.” I sighed rolling my eyes. She grabbed my face jerking it to look at her.
“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” I felt her fingers digging into my skin. I stared into her cold eyes as she glared at me. “Answer me.” She pushed her nails in till I felt the burning as they cut my flesh.
“No.” I swallowed. Her lip curled as moved her hand off my aching jaw. I knew it was coming before I heard the sound. The sound of her hand slapping my cheek could be heard around the house.
“Don’t you dare lie to me!” She screamed at me as I leaned against the wall to steady myself. I felt the throbbing in my head.
“I’m not lying.” I mutter knowing it will only anger her more. I felt the slap on my other cheek making my face hit the wall. The coolness of the wall was a welcome relief from the burning in my cheek from the first slap. My breathing was shallow as she pushed me to the ground. I fell weakly not wanting to fight. I used to always tell myself that I need to take my beatings like a champ. But now, I just want it to end. I wanted it all to end. I crawled into the back of my head as her spiked heels attacked my sides. I cried out curling up in a painful ball as her heel caught right between my ribs making me scream and my chest to scream at me in agony. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?” She snarled slamming her foot into me forcing me into the counter catching the corner on my back.
“I don’t crap you crazy bitch!” I screamed at her. I stood up. “Leave me alone!” Her face was thunder. I’ve never talked back to her, never. But now, I just couldn’t take this. I watched at it happen in slow motion. Her arm extended to the table picking up the crystal glass vase sitting in the center. I could never make it in time to stop it from coming my way so I did the only thing I could think of. I covered my eyes with my arm as the vase shattered with the force on my body sending glass shards flying everywhere.
“Get out! Get out of my fucking house!” She screamed I pulled my arm away from my face as I felt the bleed already dripping down from the scratches on my body. Why did I take off my long sleeve shirt and switch it for a tank in the car?
“I hate you.” I tried to calm my breathing. “I wish I was never born.” She laughed at me. I moved pushing past her to get to my room. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.
“I’ve been wishing I got that abortion all those year since I realized how much of a weak bitch you are!” I pulled out my ‘special’ bag from under my bed as I switched my shoes. “It’s your entire fault your father lift! If I had never had gotten pregnant with you, I’d be happy!” I pulled my pills out of my nightstand draw and pushed them into the bag.
“I’m sorry I ruined your life with my existence!” I sighed as I pushed my way past her to get to the front door.
“Where are you going?” She snorted as her heels crunched on the glass on the ground. “You’re boyfriend isn’t here to save you now.” I took Danny’s keys slamming the door behind me as I sped off base as fast as I could. I felt the tears running down my face as pulled up to the seawall I had just been only an hour ago happily. I ripped open my bag pulling out the bottle of whiskey. I pulled off the cap and took an agonizing gulp of the dark liquid. The song on the radio changed to a song I hadn’t heard in a while. Iridescent by Linkin Park. I took out the bottle of pills I had as I held back the sobs of pain. I couldn’t feel the pain from all my physical wounds right now. What I am about to do is what is killing me. Literally. I pushed the door open and walked to the wall to look down at the beach. The waves were roaring in anger as they slammed into the wall. No longer was the sea calm and quiet, it was deadly. I picked up my phone and dialed a number I’ve known from heart for years now.
“Hello?” A voice groaned picking up the phone on the second ring. “Ana? Are you okay?” His voice was alert. “Are you crying?”
“Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failures all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration. And let it go. Let it go.” I sung as I cried. I opened the pill bottle.
“Ana what the fuck is going on?” He screamed into the phone.
“I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes as I let the phone slip from my hand.
“ANA!” Z’s voice echoed as it fell into the dark water below me.