It felt great to be home and back into the arms of those that I loved so dear, but it wasn't all love and roses. I was still jumping at the slightest sound and scared that my phone would tell me that it was Dan calling me. I was scared that he was going to show up at work and hurt me even more. My boss came to see me in the days after I got home and spoke to me about taking a paid leave for a month to get back on my feet and then he would find someone else to work with me, a female that was able to understand what I needed of them. I sighed knowing that I was going to have to take leave whether I wanted it or not.
I had so much going on and I was worried about so much that I didn't even hear my phone ring. the kids were at daycare and I was by myself. I tried so hard to keep myself busy, but I never felt safe. I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a banging on the door. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife before I walked over to the door.
"Who is it?" My breath was short and my heart was pounding.
"Mara, it's Rick. You didn't answer your phone and I was wondering if you were alright."
I sighed and opened the door. I felt the air rush as he quickly moved towards me. I felt myself engulfed into a breath stopping hug and I moaned with a bit of pain. "Ow, Rick, calm down I am alright I promise. I just have a lot on my mind. I just... I don't... OH FOR FUCK SAKE!!!! I can't keep jumping at every noise I hear. I am getting so sick of this. I am scared that the next noise I hear is him coming through a window, or trying to bust down my door. I can't live like this Rick, I just can't."
He held me tightly. "I told you that you could move in with me. You have held out on me for two weeks now. Please, please. Mara I don't like seeing you like this. I can't take seeing you hurt, hear you cry in your sleep. When are you going to relent and do what is best for you and those kids. I love them as much as I love you and I would do anything for all of you. Relent already and do what is best. I can't stand this anymore."
I sighed. "You don't understand how hard it is going to be to learn a new place. To have to wonder if someone is going to move something and I can end up in the hospital again. The kids would have to readjust and that isn't good for them either. I don't know what to do. I really don't Rick. I am scared and I don't mean your average run of the mill scared, I mean to the point that I want to move back home and not stay here anymore."
I felt myself get released and then he held my hand and pulled me towards the direction of the door. "Put on some shoes, I got something for your ass. I won't have you scared anymore so we are going to work on something."
I felt a little scared. "What do you mean we are going to work on something? You are starting to worry me Rick."
He laughed. "If you won't move in with me and I am damn tired of you being scared, I am going to find a way to teach you to shoot. I know that you knew how before you went blind, but you are going to learn again no matter how I have to teach you. You are going to be a crack shot again, no matter how long it takes."
I laughed. "Yes my dear, let's try to attempt the impossible. Try to teach the blind woman to shoot, how interesting huh? Yes I used to be good, but that was when I could see my target. What do you want me to do now just shoot at random things to scare them away?"
He laughed. "Down girl, I have just the person who can teach you. Trust me it won't be easy but it can be done and it will because I am tired of your stubborn ass jumping at your own shadow, no pun intended. I will teach you and you will learn or I will hoist you over my shoulder and send movers in here to get you. Don't think I won't."
I moved down his body as I felt my legs give out from under me. "I don't want to be scared, but I don't like the unknown. I hate the fact that I am blind and can't take care of myself. DO YOU THINK I LIKE LIVING MY LIFE LIKE THIS? Do you think this is what i wanted my life to be. Not seeing my kids grow up. Not be able to go four wheeling with them, not getting to see my mother's face or wach your eyes sparkle as you laugh. I hate it, HATE IT Rick."
I felt myself gathered up in his arms. "You know what we are going to do what we have to do to get your vision back, but I want you with me so much. I want to know that you are safe. I will be a caveman if I need to, just to make sure that you and those kids are safe. Now don't force me to put you over my shoulder and carry you all the way over there. I won't give up on this Mara, I want you in my life no matter what the hardship is."
I laughed. "Caveman on me huh? And just how would you do that? Carry me around and make sure that my feet never touch the floor?"
He laughed. "Nope, they will never touch the floor just the bed and the easy chair when I prop you up there."
I giggled. "You act like I already said Yes."
He held me tightly and stood up with me in his arms. "I'm not giving you a choice Ma'am so Ugg."