There is reason. A reason that's familiar to me.Maybe it's reason that is hidden deep inside the simple minds of simple people, but there is reason. I haven't found my reason yet, maybe I never will, but I don't think I want to find it. Maybe those reasons are not for us to hear, or maybe they are just hidden so well that we aren't suppose to find them.
"Asenia!"Ihear my name being called from out in the hall. I don't think for a minute that I would cry at such a time as this, but the memories, both good and bad begin to eat me, eat me alive with guilt, pleasure, and more. I look around trying to stop the flashing, the never ending flashing of me. There I am in the closer hiding from my mother and my father, there I am crying myself to sleep again, there Iam banging my hands against the wall until I stop feeling anything, and there I am again, trying not to jump, not out that window. The flashing begins to contain itself as I close my eyes, hands shaking, lips as well. I swallow hard as my dry throat becomes a bit more wet, look around for my bed and fall back. Those burning memories, they'll never go away, will they? I'll be living in my own hell for years and that's just it.
"Feni?"I ask as I hear a light knock on the door. I knew it was her, Aleeta is too young to knock lightly, her only being 4 does have its limits, but Feni always knocks lightly.
"Are you going to come in?"Iask as I put my hands behind my head.
"Then why are you knocking on my door."
"I want to talk to you."
"Well then come in here."
"No, I don't want to come in there, it's too dark."
"Well then I'll turn on a light." I get up and turn on my light, I could have just opened the curtains, but the light is a lot closer. She opens the door and peaks for me, her eyes watering from her obvious cries that she tried to hide quick with her hair.
"Seni, can we talk?"She asks closing my door and taking a seat next to me. I sit back up as I stare at her.
"What's the matter?"I ask her.
"It's just, I know that this wasn't the greatest place to live, but Ijust, I'm going to actually miss it here." I smile and hug her softly. She tries to hold in her crying, but I guess I can't say much. I can never say much because I don't know what to say.Why are we leaving?Well, that part isn't as easy as it seems. They just can't take good care of us and now we are going to leave, for a better home with our aunt, we call her Meelia. She was never close to us, she would only come around once in awhile to make sure we weren't dead. When she did come around when we were younger, she would always bring our cousins with her. There was Apila, Haren, her son Deni, and then there was Dasa, the oldest, the one I can't speak of in good ways. Whenever Meelia would come around, I would be afraid because she would always bring Dasa. We would have to go up in my room and play, but Dasa didn't want to play normal games, she wanted to play her games, her own games. Everytime she would come, she would bring sharp glass with her, she says she has to open me up and take out all the bad blood out of me. She stuck the glass into my skin, smiling as the blood ran out my hand and onto the floor. She would lick up the blood sometime, but everytime I would cry or beg for her to stop, she would only go deeper, that was part of the game, you can't cry and you have to deal with the pain, but then the games started to become something more than just cuts. They started to become more advanced. When I was 10 and Dasa was 11, we would play a game. She would lock my bedroom door and turn off all the lights, but the one by my bed. She would always bring Deni with us, he was 8. She made us lay on the bed and take off all our clothes, each piece of clothing onto the floor and when we were done she told us to touch each other. At first we were afraid and didn't do it, but then Dasa started to get mad, she told me that if I don't do as she says that god will take me and drop me from the sky, killing me in an instant. So we did what we were told and I have never faced Deni since. Things will be better though,Dasa is 17 and I'm 16 and smarter now. I will be away from my drunk mother and things will be better. I know that it might be hard to find the words, but there is hope. I know there is something. I know.