Chapter 17: Was the love a lie?
“What? No you’re not.” I said without thinking. He narrowed his eyes. “What?” He asked.
“I mean….you can’t.” I said.
“I have this great gig there and there is this guy there that wants to sign me. I’ve been waiting for this for the longest.”
“You’re leaving? You can’t leave, Logan! Please stay!” I said. Tears immediately poured out of my eyes. “I’m sorry, Beth.” He said and ran across my cheek.
“No you’re not! If you were you wouldn’t be leaving! You don’t love me!” I understand I was getting dramatic but I was angry and I could already feel the emptiness in my chest.
“I do love you! But I need this. Would you give up your dream for me?”
“Yes! I would!” I screamed. I got off of his bed and turned to his window so he couldn’t see my tears. I was breathing hard and I closed my eyes. His hand was on my shoulder. “I love you, Beth. You should know that but I’ve been waiting to get to this place for so damn long.”
“I understand what you want, Logan. I just didn’t think that your relationship with your dream was more important than your relationship with me.”
“Stop saying that! Because you’re not!” I took his hand off my shoulder and opened his door and then shut it closed. I heard the door open again as I ran down the stairs. “What’s wrong?” Alicia asked as I walked pass her out the door.
“Beth!” Lance called. I began walking out onto the sidewalk. He grabbed my arm and made me look at him. “I don’t want you pissed.”
“How the hell do you expect me to act?” I asked. Alicia came beside us.
“I have to do this, baby. I have to.” His green eyes were watering.
“I’m pregnant, Logan.” I finally said. His eyes widened and he slowly let go of my arms. He kept opening and closing his mouth as if he didn’t know what to say.
“Go live your dream while I stay here and raise your child.” I said and then turned around without another word. Alicia quickly followed me.
As we walked to her house, we didn’t say anything to each other. I fell for an idiot. Okay, Logan isn’t an idiot but I wish he would change his mind.
“Isn’t that Lance’s car?” Alicia asked as we walked up to the drugstore. I looked over at Lance’s white Chrysler 300. “Yeah, it is.”
“Ask him for a ride.” Alicia said buttoning up her jean jacket.
“Why me?” I asked.
“He likes you. Just ask him.”
“No. Let’s just get your shit and leave.” I said. Alicia gave me a look. “I know you’re pissed because of Logan but don’t take it out on me. Remember what I told you, the one thing about having a sex life is..”
“I have to be able to control it. I know. I guess it is my fault. Can we get your stuff now?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. Let’s go.” We walked up and Alicia opened the door. Lance was right there. He smiled at us but then frowned when he looked at me. “What’s wrong? Your eyes are puffy.” He said.
“I’ll let you two talk. I’ll be in and out of the store.” Alicia said as she walked all the way in. Lance grabbed my hand and brought me to his car. He opened the car door for me and then I got in the passenger side.
He got in the driver side and turned to me. “Tell me what happened, Beth.” He said. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as another tear slowly slipped down my cheek. “Logan is moving,” I whispered. “To California. And I’m….I’m pregnant.” I buried my face in my hands and cried. I felt Lance’s hand on my shoulder and then he just pulled me into his arms. “Shhh. It’ll be fine. I promise.” He whispered.
“It won’t fine! This is his baby and he’s leaving! It won’t be fine, Lance!” I cried into his black shirt. Lance rubbed his fingers through my hair. I don’t know why he was doing this. I’ve been mean to him lately and in return, he’s soothing me.
“Lance, I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you.” I said. He let out a throaty laugh. “It’s okay Beth. I deserved it.” He said. I heard the back car door open and could smell Alicia’s perfume. “Ready?” Lance asked. She nodded.
“Where am I taking you two?”
“Andy’s house. He just texted me that he’s home.” She said.
“Okay.” Lance said as he started the car. He drove over to Andy’s house. Andy was sitting on the porch drinking a beer and talking to an older woman. She looked just like him. Had to have been his mom.
“I love that old bitch.” Alicia said. I turned and looked at her.
“She lets me call her that. We have a surprisingly well relationship.” She opened the door and closed it as she got out.
Lance grabbed my hand and I looked at him. “Are you okay?” He asked. I nodded and smiled a little. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do about this baby if its dad isn’t there.”
“My mother raised me and my brother without us having a father. She knew it’d be easier with someone there to help her but she said raising me and him alone made her stronger. Now she’s married to this guy named Mick who owns a bar. He’s pretty cool.”
“What makes him so cool?” I asked.
“He lets me get drinks for free.” He said smiling. I smiled along with him. Lance suddenly reached over and wiped a slowly trailing tear away with his index finger. “You’re too damn beautiful to cry, Beth.” He whispered. I bit my lip and stared at him.
“Don’t try to be the good guy right now, please. I’m not in the mood.” I said. Lance chuckled. “Fine. I’ll be the me I want to be and I’ll flirt with you.”
“Okay don’t be you either.” I said. He smiled and then leaned his head back and sighed. “You’ll get through this, Beth. I know because I’ll be there for you.”
“Thank you, Lance.” He smiled and kissed me on my cheek. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. I slowly turned and got out of the car.
I walked up to Andy, his mother and Alicia who were all drinking beer and talking. His mom looked at me and smiled. “Hi, honey. You’re Beth, right?” She asked. I nodded and put on a fake smile.
“Nice to meet you, hon. My name is Angela. I’m Andy’s mother and Alicia’s mother-in-law soon, I hope.” She said playfully pushing Alicia.
Alicia smiled. “Don’t look at me, look at your son.”
“Once my good looks fade, then I’ll get you a ring.” Andy said looking at Alicia who was on the step above the one he was on. She smiled and pressed her lips against his.
I sat on the step below Angela.
“Beer, hon?” She asked. I looked up at her. “You actually approve of teens drinking beer in front of you?” I asked. She shrugged. “This is 2012. Teens will be teens.”
I was tempted but then stopped when I realized I was carrying life inside of me. “I can’t. I’m pregnant.” I admitted. Angela smiled. “Congrats, sweetie. Know the dad?” She asked.
“Yes but he’s a scummy asshole.” Alicia said. Andy looked confused. “You’re prego, Beth?” He asked. I nodded and he smiled. “Nice.”
Alicia hit Andy on the side of his head. “It’s not nice! Logan isn’t going to help her raise it.”
“What? Why the hell not?” Andy asked.
“He’s moving to California. A guy wants to sign him there.” I said mechanically. Angela placed her hand on my shoulder.
“God, I’m sorry, Beth.” Andy said placing a comforting hand on my knee.
“I wish you would try to leave Alicia when she’s pregnant. I’ll kill you, boy.” Angela said glaring at Andy.
“Come on, ma. You know me. I won’t do that to Alicia.” He said.
“Better not.” Alicia and Angela said in unison. I smiled at their close relationship.
“So when is Logan leaving?” Alicia asked. I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. The relevant thing is that he’s leaving.”
“He didn’t say when he’s coming back? What am I going to do about the band?” Andy asked.
“You’ll find a new band, Andy.” Alicia said. He sighed and leaned back against her knee. “Fuck.” He whispered.
“So this guy leaving is impacting you all?” Angela asked.
“Not me.” Alicia said.
“It’s impacting everyone except you. It’ll be impacting Lance. He’ll be happy as hell. I heard he wanted to start a new band.”
“Really?” I asked. He nodded. “I don’t blame him. See, we were the perfect band. Logan had the voice. I have the looks and Lance had the brains. And now we’re all breaking up.”
“Why don’t you start your own band?” Alicia asked. Andy scoffed. “With who?” He asked. Alicia glanced at me and I shook my head. “Beth has an outstanding voice.” She offered. Andy almost chokes on his beer and looks at me. “She’s right. You do! Let’s start a band, Beth.”
“Andy…..I’m in high school.”
“So was I when I started being in bands. It will be amazing. Please…Beth.”
“I’m not that good of a singer.” I said shrugging. Andy and Alicia gave me a look like they wanted to slap me. “You’re kidding me. Come on. Me, you, and Lance. You’ll be lead. Lance will be guitar and I’ll be drums.
“I’ll be bass.” Alicia offered. “Since when do you play bass?” Andy asked.
“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, baby.”
Andy smiled at Alicia and then looked to me. “Please. At least think about it, Beth.” Andy said. I sighed. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”
A red car suddenly pulled up and Logan got out of the car. “Oh what is that asshole doing here?” Alicia asked. I sighed. “It’s okay. I’ll be back.” I got up and walked to Logan. He stopped a couple of steps from me. “Want to go for a ride?” he asked.
I hesitated but then nodded. He went to the driver side and I got into the passenger side. He drove off. We were silent the car ride to the park we walked to the night he took my virginity.
He stopped the car and looked at me. “I’m leaving tonight.” He whispered. I nodded. “Have fun.”
“I don’t want you pissed at me.”
“It’s just hard to believe that even after I told you that I’m pregnant with your child that you still want to leave. That’s not the Logan I thought you were.”
“Well you never knew the real me, Beth. It’s all been a lie. I drink. I like it and I can’t just stop and be your perfect boyfriend. I’m sorry.”
“You are seriously a prick.” I said. He sighed and looked out of the windshield. “I like Alicia.” He whispered. I looked at him and my eyebrows pulled together. A bunch of emotions filled my body. “What the fuck did you just say?” I asked. He slowly looked to me. “I like your best friend.” He said again. I nodded. “That’s what I thought you said. You never loved me.” I got out of the car and opened it and slammed it shut and the passenger window broke. “Cheap ass piece of shit.” I said as I spit on the wind shield. Logan got out of the car.
“I’m sorry, okay? I feel like shit for telling you like this but this is the truth.”
“So every time you and I were having sex, you were thinking of her?” I asked. He didn’t answer.
“Well look like this is a great time for you to move because we’re done! You hear me? We’re fucking done! I’m not shedding not one more goddamn tear for your sorry ass!” I yelled as I began walking away from him. He grabbed my arm and I began hitting him. “Let go of me.”
“I just…. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you.”
“Eat shit.” I said as I snatched my arm from him and stomped out of the park.