I was sitting there on the couch just watching him.
What was I thinking? He's my friend nothing more.
At first my heart jumped a bit in my chest, because he'd caught
me staring at him. All I thought was: what do I do? Think, just
think of an excuse, but he just looked up at me and smiled then
making a stupid face at me. I just looked at him blankly then I
continued on to my laptop.
I couldn't even concentrate on my work; my mind was going back to
Ian every time.
I heard the sliding door leading to the backyard open, looked up,
and saw Ian going outside carrying his soda while wearing his
Harvard sweat shirt that had soda splashes on in from the
exploding soda from earlier. I don't know why but I found myself
putting aside my things and following him outside.
I looked around the corner of the door, and saw him just looking
out into the darkness of the night, no light on except the
natural lighting of the moon. He looked like he was really
thinking about something but I wasn't sure what. I was also
unsure of why I was there-what did I want from him?
He still hadn't seen me 'till I knocked on the glass door a bit.
He spun around, and looked at me wide eyed. "Hey Cass, how long
have you been there?"
I shrugged my shoulders started walking towards him and took a
seat next to him on the porch. "Why are you out here, anyway?"
"The weather's perfect, can't you tell? I can feel summer here."
He said as he looked out in the starless sky.
"Wow that was corny," I said as I laughed. "So, what
are you doing here, back home I mean, what about school and your
life out in the big bad world?"
He looked at me and smiled a little. "College life
eventually ends too you know. Oh, and I only told you I couldn't
make it to your graduation because of school- just so I could
surprise you today."
"So, you're on break?" He nodded. "Oh, well it was a
nice surprise, didn't think you had it in you to do anything nice
like that." Then I felt myself blush, I never blush, I mean what
was there to be embarrassed about? He just wanted to surprise me
and make it fun-nothing more. Maybe I was just flattered, oh
goodness what am I thinking?
"So, do you want to talk?"
I didn't know how to answer, and just stared blankly at him. What
did he mean?
"Isn't that why you came out here?" He pressed on.
"Uh yeah," I said. I decided to ask him about the
first thing that came to mind. "How's life? Do you have a…
He looked at me like he wasn't expecting me to ask
that, but still answered. "Or… boyfriend?" He laughed so hard,
but continued. "No I'm kidding, but yeah I've had girlfriends but
nothing serious, so currently I'm living the single life baby. As
for life, it's great I'm here back at home with my favorite girl
and my favorite people in the world."
I'm stunned, did he just call me his, "Favorite
He looked at me like I just accused him of murder,
"You called me your favorite girl?"
"Oh I mean I-you're…" He seemed like he couldn't find
the words. His fluster of words made him look like the little
kid I grew up with. Then he said, "Yeah since like you're the
sister I never had and all."
My chest started hurting after hearing that-though I
don't know why. So ignored it and said, "Oh, I see well that's
cool, I guess."
We didn't say anything for the longest time 'till he
said, "What are you doing this summer?"
"Staying with my mom maybe your parents too at a
summer condo they keep talking about or just here at home-with
you here hopefully?"
"Now that sounds like a plan, I'll be here all summer
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, c'mon let's go inside it's hot here." He
winked at me then stood up gave me his hand and helped me up from
We walked into the living to find our parents on the computer
still conversing. I sat on the couch while Ian laid down next to
me placing his head on my lap. It was a surprise that he did what
he had, but in a good way.
His eyes were closed and I really didn't know where to place my
hands where they wouldn't look awkward when he said, "Just play
with my hair please."
"Okay." I said. Then I just began playing with his slightly wavy
hair, and studied his features. He was clean shaven, I could tell
he just got a haircut, and his face looked so handsome-but I'd
never tell him that, I would never live it down. I looked at his
black hair and thought of his greenish-blue eyes. Though I
couldn't see them due to his eyes being closed, I could remember
them from when I was looking into his eyes earlier this afternoon
thinking how incredible they were.
It seemed like the world stopped revolving around the sun and
time just stopped, like-like it was just me and him. Until-
"We did it!" Suzanne squealed. "We rented out a summer cabin in
"You did what?" I said as I had just remembered that what I was
thinking was ridiculous and came down from my little world in my
"The 5 of us are going up there for the 10 weeks of summer. We
leave tomorrow so get packing!"
They all began cheering wildly. Meanwhile Ian and I
had looked at each other, he sat up and smiled at me and I smiled
back awkwardly. I only wondered what was going through his mind.
Since we were leaving around lunch the morning soon
to come I went with Ian and his parents to their house to help
them pack up. While at home my mom knew what to pack for herself
and I, and it would only take me an hour to pack everything I
had. All I knew was that Ian needs a lot help with packing the
right things if we wanted to be on time to leave so summer can
When I walked in side of Ian's parents' house it
smelled and looked just like I had remembered it. I haven't been
here in months because Ian wasn't here to hang out with. I looked
at the low lit walls and there were what seemed like hundreds of
pictures of me and Ian growing up over the years. I had a
majority of these pictures at my house also, I thought. All these
brought back the great memories I had with him. Then it had
finally hit me, I realized that those 10 months he'd been gone
and was too busy to talk to me I was-even more lonely.
Why hadn't I realized it till now? That I've actually
been- missing him, and I haven't even said it aloud-yet.
Then I felt someone come up behind me and put their
arms around my shoulders, they put their mouth to my ears and
said, "We missed out on so much those months I've been gone,
"Idiot," was all I can say. Why was he holding on to
me so closely and why wasn't I pushing him away, this isn't like
me at all.
"Don't worry we'll make up for lost time this
summer." I could tell he was smiling. Why is he being so nice,
like too nice all of a sudden? Like he'd forgotten what type of
relationship we had, the one we are just-friends.
All I could say was, "Sure."
I undid his hug and started walking up the stairs to
his bedroom which only gets its use in the summer when Ian's back
home. I sat on the bed running my fingers along his head board;
I began remembering how he and I use to sleep in this bed
together as young kids having a sleep over or whatever we did. I
remembered how he was and still is the only person who can bring
out the best in me. Even if I had no idea how to be friendly (or
even make friends for that matter), be out going, or just being a
normal teenager I felt like I could try something new with him.
Only when I'm with him it makes me think that I can do and
overcome anything. Be different or just be-me.
Ian came into the room to lay next to where I was
sitting on the bed. He buried his face into a pillow and turned
his head to look at me and told me he was sleepy.
I got up and walked to his closet and began taking
out clothes avoiding the dresser which probably held his boxers
and socks, maybe other unmentionables. "Ian I'm tired too but
we have to get back to my place in an hour. Come on it's one in
the morning hurry up you can sleep at my house we leave at-"
"Eleven," he said breaking me off.
"Exactly, so help me please?"
He got up took off his shirt and grabbed a towel off
his dresser. "You do it I'm going to shower I feel hot."
I screamed. I've never seen a man body in person. All
I said was, "Okay, just go!"
He laughed as he was leaving the room and called out
from the hallway, "Perv!"
"Shut up!" I called back.
Then I heard Mike and Suzanne come into Ian's room.
Putting some suitcases on the floor. "Who's a perv?" Suzanne
asked. I just shook my head. She was confused but still smiled at
me. "Well we're going to stay here tonight and come back to your
house in about 6 hours, tell your mom. Then tell Ian to drive you
back home by 2 or 3, so you can get back to packing."
I nodded. "I will," I said.
"So, tell Ian to just stay the night at your house,
ok?" Mike asked.
What was he saying, Ian can't stay at my house that'd
be too awkward, because he's like, like my… brother nothing more
so I said moments later, unsure, "Yeah sure."
"Okay good night Cassandra, get some sleep it's a 4
hour drive in our old van," they told me.
I laughed, "Goodnight." And then they left.
Now back to packing, I thought. I was going through
his closet grabbing lots of clothes and tossing them on the bed.
I grabbed everything he needed except his toiletries and his
unmentionables for him to pack. After I had a substantial
amount of clothes for 10 weeks I began folding everything neatly
into his suitcases. There were 2 large suitcases on the floor but
I had no need for the second one because I was able to pack
everything in one suitcase which still had room for more stuff.
I thought I'd make myself useful while Ian was still
in the shower. I thought I'd grab all his things that he'd need
other than clothes and put it together on top of his dresser. I
looked at the clock it read 2:09 AM we still had plenty of time.
I looked around the room and grabbed his deodorant, wallet, keys,
cell phone charger and cell phone and put it on the dresser. I
was going to leave the rest to him.
I was walking out into the hallway now, and was
turning towards the stairs when I bumped right into Ian. I
stumbled forward and fell on top of him.
There we were on the floor, and all I heard was,
"Enjoying the view?"
I looked up and here we were again in another awkward
situation. I was so close to his face that I could-kiss him. I
was looking at his lips when I snapped back into reality. "Oh,
shut up!" Was I just thinking about kissing him oh goodness who
I pushed up with my arms but I was still on top of
him. I looked down from his face to see he had nothing on but a
towel around his waist. I was looking at his abs and couldn't
help myself. "I know you can't resist me," He said
I looked up, "Oh, I can resist you." Nice that sounded stupid but
I didn't know what to say.
I mean what was doing or thinking? Then I looked up at his face
and he said, "You're kind of crushing me down there!" He looked
like he was in pain then I looked down.
He was right my knee was on his… thingy. I flew back
like superman against the wall to brace myself and covered my
mouth to scream and ran into the bathroom.
What the hell was going on back there? How could I
have been so unlike me? I've never been so close like that with
the opposite sex especially Ian. Even though we grew up together
nothing like that has ever happened. What's been going on between
us lately, this has never happened before-never.
And it won't happen again.
I stood there and tried to calm myself down looking
into the mirror. Then I splashed my face with cold water because
my cheeks felt hot.
I heard a knock on the door, it was Ian. "C'mon Cass
it wasn't that bad I was just only kidding. Come out, it was an
accident anyway don't be embarrassed."
I prepped myself before coming out. I told myself
that whatever I might be feeling it needs to stop, now.
Finally I opened the door to find that he was gone. Probably in
his room. So I walked to his door and knocked. I heard him say
something like 'just one minute' but I wasn't sure, his voice was
too muffled by the sound out him moving around. Then he opened
the door fully dressed, thank God, and said, "Missed me?" He said
with a playful smile.
"Should I have? I mean I just saw you." I said
"Never mind you don't get it. Come in," he continued.
"You packed way more than I thought you would."
I laughed leaning against the doorway, "I thought if
you'd pack faster we could be on our way."
"Okay, I get the hint. Just let me just finish up.
You can just rest a bit, okay?"
I nodded and laid on the bed. I wasn't arguing I was
too tired for that. I laid for a second then I smelt the covers
and it smells like him- his boyish scent. And his smell always
helped me fall asleep easier so I closed my eyes and I drifted
When I finally had awakened I was in the passenger
seat of the car. I was unsure who I was with and looked at around
and saw Ian to my left driving. "Well good morning sunshine." He
said laughing at me.
"When did I-" Was all I could say before he'd cut me
"I didn't want to wake you up when I saw how cute you
looked when you were sleeping. So I packed my bags in the car and
then I carried you out into the car last." I was stunned. "By the
way you're a very heavy sleeper." He said as he kept driving.
"You could have just woken me up, and you say my
face!? I look terrible when I sleep, like a fat cow." I told him.
Then I shyly asked, "Was I heavy?"
"Not even, you looked cute and I didn't want to wake
you, like I said before and as for heavy-well no you're light as
I just looked at him as he concentrated on the road.
'Cute,' the word he always called me growing, so I was used to
it. Yet, why was hearing it now make me feel all hot and
"Well thanks I guess," I said. He nodded and I really didn't know
why I should be thankful though. "You know you're spending the
"Yeah I planned to," he said. "I can sleep on the
couch if you want."
"Uh, it's okay you can sleep in my room," I said.
Wait what was I saying? I'm not acting right today. Maybe I just
need some sleep, yeah that must be it. "Just as long as you stay
on your side of the bed." I said looking at him, but he didn't
look at me which I was grateful for because my face must look
He nodded again not saying any more the rest of the
drive. For some reason he seemed so serious and grown up. An
I began thinking to myself as we drove home: I felt like there
really was so much I really didn't know other than what I've kept
to myself. Like what I've experienced so far is just only, part
of life. There was so much I need to know, and so much growing up
I need to go through before I go out on my own. Since Ian came
back home, instead of him being one of the only things I knew
besides school and work, for some reason he's like something new
to me. From there I promised silently to myself that this summer
the heart of this wallflower-will blossom.