Chapter 1
Captivity
Captivity
I am in a white room. The floors, the ceiling, the walls… all of them, white. I hate the color white, it’s the only color I’ve ever known and I hate it. I hate everything about it; white to me, was the color of evil. The cushioned walls of my room look like bleached pillows stacked up in a barricade. While on the other hand, the floor is just a fluffy white carpet.
But that’s not all, even my clothes are white. The jacket that is meant to keep me warm, made of some kind of cotton material; and even my silk pants are white. They hang loosely off of my body though, because I don’t get fed very well here. Only when I am on the verge of starving will they give me anything to eat. And even then it isn\'t quite enough food to fill me. So even after eating I am still hungry for more, but when I ask for more they just ignore me.
Even my skin has betrayed me because it too is white. But it\'s a pale unhealthy glow of white, probably from malnutrition. Too tight, and almost translucent, you can almost see right through to my bones. It makes me want to rip my own body apart… but that would be a bad idea. I need this body to escape someday. But it still bothers me that my own skin can disturb me so.
The ceiling is just marble with long white halogen lights, but I like to look at it because sometimes I think I can see other colors in it. It’s not pure white like the rest of the room but is kind of a patchwork of different shades of white. It’s a change from the regular monotony of the room so I like to stare off up into the ceiling and imagine that I am seeing something else. Sometimes I imagine what the outside world would be like, but most of the time, I just keep staring until it seems as if the shapes in the ceiling are moving. Its the only entertainment I have here.
But I’m not seeing any of those things at the moment, right now I am out of my mind. I am neither here nor anywhere else. I am just blank. Like the walls that surround me, like the eyes of my keepers. Blank, and that is how I must stay, it is the only way I can survive this horrible place. I must bide my time until a chance to escape presents itself. And then I must not hesitate to take that chance.
I don't know what is outside of this place, but I know anything would be better than this. With no freedom, no love, no comfort. I am miserable beyond words and have almost lost the will to live. But I go on, every day I go on. I do not give up and I dont look back. There is no reason to look back for me, I have no good memories to look upon. My whole world, my entire life has been inside of this place.
The only reason I even understand that there is anything better out there is the fact that they teach me. About the outside world, and pretty much anything else they think important, from math to psychology. Just to see how much information I can absorb, and so far it looked as if I have impressed them. And I dont mean to brag but I am pretty smart. I can hear something just once and memorize it instantly. Like one time I overheard some of my keepers talking in between themselves and I learned some of their names. They seemed to be annoyed at this as I took to calling them by their first names every time I saw them.
Sometimes they will come in with needles and gaurds. Those are the times when they are taking me to the operation rooms. I know because the next time I wake up there are new cuts and scars running up and down my body. I am not sure what it is exactly that they do to me in those sessions but after the operations I always find that I have been stripped of my clothes, but there will always be a new set of clothes next to the door. And for some reason every time I wake up I am surrounded by some kind of fur. Its black, so I love it, but it is a mystery to me how it gets there, or why the scientists put it there. One time I took a few strands of it and now I look at it whenever I get a chance. Its soft and silky, kind of like the hair on my head, and one time I pulled a strand of my own hair out to compare it and it looks like the same as my hair. Just in greater quantity, I wonder about it a lot.
But those thoughts get drowned out because I\'m always scared that one day they will come in with their needles and I will just never wake up. So I live in constant fear every day because I know that they could come anytime and any day to take me away. Sometimes the fear just overwhelms me to the point where I can\'t even think.....
Other than the few "school" lessons I get from them, I have little to no other human contact. You could say I am lonely but I\'m not really. I dont really want to talk to those evil people anyway. And its not like Ive ever had a "friend" before. Im not even sure I understand completely what that word means. Ive read about it in books and I know the exact definition from the dictionary but Ive never had a friend before so I dont know what its like. And you cant really miss something youve never had before can you?
But none of that matters in comparison to the fact that I have to find some way to escape this place if I am ever really going to live. If I stay here I know I will die one day. And I really would like to not be here when I die. I am only four but I am already tired of this place... I have to get away! I just keep thinking that thought and eventually I fall into the deep black pit that is my mind.....
But that’s not all, even my clothes are white. The jacket that is meant to keep me warm, made of some kind of cotton material; and even my silk pants are white. They hang loosely off of my body though, because I don’t get fed very well here. Only when I am on the verge of starving will they give me anything to eat. And even then it isn\'t quite enough food to fill me. So even after eating I am still hungry for more, but when I ask for more they just ignore me.
Even my skin has betrayed me because it too is white. But it\'s a pale unhealthy glow of white, probably from malnutrition. Too tight, and almost translucent, you can almost see right through to my bones. It makes me want to rip my own body apart… but that would be a bad idea. I need this body to escape someday. But it still bothers me that my own skin can disturb me so.
The ceiling is just marble with long white halogen lights, but I like to look at it because sometimes I think I can see other colors in it. It’s not pure white like the rest of the room but is kind of a patchwork of different shades of white. It’s a change from the regular monotony of the room so I like to stare off up into the ceiling and imagine that I am seeing something else. Sometimes I imagine what the outside world would be like, but most of the time, I just keep staring until it seems as if the shapes in the ceiling are moving. Its the only entertainment I have here.
But I’m not seeing any of those things at the moment, right now I am out of my mind. I am neither here nor anywhere else. I am just blank. Like the walls that surround me, like the eyes of my keepers. Blank, and that is how I must stay, it is the only way I can survive this horrible place. I must bide my time until a chance to escape presents itself. And then I must not hesitate to take that chance.
I don't know what is outside of this place, but I know anything would be better than this. With no freedom, no love, no comfort. I am miserable beyond words and have almost lost the will to live. But I go on, every day I go on. I do not give up and I dont look back. There is no reason to look back for me, I have no good memories to look upon. My whole world, my entire life has been inside of this place.
The only reason I even understand that there is anything better out there is the fact that they teach me. About the outside world, and pretty much anything else they think important, from math to psychology. Just to see how much information I can absorb, and so far it looked as if I have impressed them. And I dont mean to brag but I am pretty smart. I can hear something just once and memorize it instantly. Like one time I overheard some of my keepers talking in between themselves and I learned some of their names. They seemed to be annoyed at this as I took to calling them by their first names every time I saw them.
Sometimes they will come in with needles and gaurds. Those are the times when they are taking me to the operation rooms. I know because the next time I wake up there are new cuts and scars running up and down my body. I am not sure what it is exactly that they do to me in those sessions but after the operations I always find that I have been stripped of my clothes, but there will always be a new set of clothes next to the door. And for some reason every time I wake up I am surrounded by some kind of fur. Its black, so I love it, but it is a mystery to me how it gets there, or why the scientists put it there. One time I took a few strands of it and now I look at it whenever I get a chance. Its soft and silky, kind of like the hair on my head, and one time I pulled a strand of my own hair out to compare it and it looks like the same as my hair. Just in greater quantity, I wonder about it a lot.
But those thoughts get drowned out because I\'m always scared that one day they will come in with their needles and I will just never wake up. So I live in constant fear every day because I know that they could come anytime and any day to take me away. Sometimes the fear just overwhelms me to the point where I can\'t even think.....
Other than the few "school" lessons I get from them, I have little to no other human contact. You could say I am lonely but I\'m not really. I dont really want to talk to those evil people anyway. And its not like Ive ever had a "friend" before. Im not even sure I understand completely what that word means. Ive read about it in books and I know the exact definition from the dictionary but Ive never had a friend before so I dont know what its like. And you cant really miss something youve never had before can you?
But none of that matters in comparison to the fact that I have to find some way to escape this place if I am ever really going to live. If I stay here I know I will die one day. And I really would like to not be here when I die. I am only four but I am already tired of this place... I have to get away! I just keep thinking that thought and eventually I fall into the deep black pit that is my mind.....
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