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It Started with a Smile. Original and Unedited

Novel By: liefe42
Romance


Tags: First, Love, Smile


The story how I met my first love. The story have a lot of wrong grammars and typo errors because I dont want to read it again after writing it one midnight of 2011. Writing this story in a dark room made me laugh and cry, the pain did not went away and I still dream of her.

Someday I would rewrite this completely and with another novel as it's fictional sequel, Dark Heaven.
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1

Submitted:Mar 4, 2013    Reads: 11    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


This is the story of my first love, this is not a fiction. It happened almost 6 years ago. This is my side of the story… the only thing I have left of her. This is just another walk to remember…

Here's detailed information about the school we went in, well you can skip this part, it doesn't matter. I just don't want to explain this stuff when I'm telling my story…

Our school has strict rules and guidelines that the students must follow if they wouldn't want to deal with the consequences later. One of the rules is that in-school relationships are not allowed. There is a tradition in that school that every student should treat each other as brother and sister. Lower years should show respect to their higher year. 4th years serve as "Angel" to the 1st years that are called "souls". They guide and help them until they graduate, after they graduate, the incoming 4th years will be also responsible for the new freshmen. That cycle goes on and on. So for every 1st year student they are assigned to a 4th year of the same gender. Sometimes there are multiple souls assigned to one angel due to there are more enrollees than student that reach the 4th year. You can only enroll in our school through the freshmen years, transferees are not allowed. So as higher your year gets the lower your batch will be due to the cut off on the grades. Grades lower than 85 (99 as the highest) will be expelled when the school year end. When I was a freshman our 4th years that time were only less than 50 and we were 120 freshmen.

Our school has a principal and teachers but the nice thing about our school is that the 4th years are in charge almost about everything. Instructors stay at the faculty room, they only need to care about their subjects and the grades of the students. In every batch of 4th years there are individuals that are chosen by the batch that graduated before them. Meaning during the graduation of the previous batch, they will choose among the 3rd years that will precede them in their positions. The positions are called school ministers, it's a small government within the school but it's not that bad.

4th years are in charge of school activities, such as 2 kinds of camping, school events, clubs, and there are a pair of 4th years (boy and girl) that are assigned for every classroom. They help with the class decorations, problems that might occur in the classrooms, and they provide additional information to the class from the ministers or instructors.

3rd years are in charge of YDT (youth development training), it acts as a sports activity held once a week, held every Friday, after lunch. It includes sports like basketball, volleyball, board games like chess, etc. In YDT there are 4 teams holding different team colour. In the start of the school year the freshmen are assigned to their respective team randomly. YDT leaders are also assigned in way its similar to the selection of school ministers. Outgoing 3rd year will assign the next team leader among the 2nd years in the team. Besides the team leaders there are 3rd years that are selected to lead all the teams, they are called the YDT directors. They came from different teams when they were in the second year but as they take their position they won't be in any team anymore. They are responsible for the sports fest, cheering competitions and revenue for the YDT. YDT are held in our university gym but sometimes the university is using it so they have to find a substitute gym or place within the city. YDT seems to be training for the 3rd years so that they would be able to lead the school when they turn 4th year.

It seems a nice school to enrol in as long as you keep your grades in the passing zone. Some of the teachers are kind enough to give additional percentives or projects to students that deserve it. Everyone works together. If I have to repeat everything in my life I'd still choose that school.

Well despite such strict rules, students still find their way to love. Love will always find it way even in the most complicated situations…

I was in 3rd year when everything started. I was not very social person that time; I'm not close to any girls in my batch. I never had any previous relationships and I wouldn't want yet. I prefer to wait until college because… hmmm… there are less prohibited behavior when you're in college. Well I live in a third world country so people here are quite conservative. So I prefer to wait than to enter a relationship with too much things that are not allowed. I want a girl with curves, long hair and at least cute. I don't want those who are too beautiful, yes they are a lot of girls like that in our school but I'm not into them. I don't know why. Well I still have lots of crushes in that school though, but until crushes only.

There is this one night I remember when I prayed to God, asked Him to show me a sign or a reason to keep on living… life seems so useless for me that time…

Life for me seems to be so depressing though, some things always missing and I don't know what. I don't know what direction I will choose as time goes on. I planned to join a fraternity when I go to college, I seems cool to me that time, so those were my plans. Yet it felt I'm still missing something I can't figure out. Its like a part of me is missing, that made me sad every night. Life seems so gloomy, so dull, and so empty. I'm such a pathetic person that time. Most of my classmates have cool gadgets, they even had cell phones that time and I didn't. I'm not as rich as most of them, I got into a scholarship so I was able to study there despite the high tuition fees.

Most of the time I hang around with my peers, they're the only persons I'm closed with. We ran to the computer shops every lunch breaks and dismissals, It was fun though after a stressful day in that school. That how most of my days end up, dull but a bit fun. We sometimes stroll around town first before we go home. That's a normal day for me…

Well that's what I thought…

I don't know when this happened, I was walking to school one morning. There was a girl student walking in front of me, about 4 meters away. She was wearing our school uniform; she had short black hair and carries a shoulder bag. She might be a lower year thought. She doesn't resemble any of my batch mates and not one of our seniors for sure. Well I have a habit at looking at a girl's ankle to know what kind of build she might be, a slim girl's ankle is thin and you can see the joints, but for chubby and fat girls well you can't see the joints in the ankle. Well that's what I believe that time. Well that girl in front of me is chubby; well I can't see her ankle joints. I'm so judgemental that time. I said to my self I don't want a girl like her…

It happened in November, me and my friends were hanging around the school gates. Some of the students go out to buy their snacks from the university food court. We were just standing there talking and watching the student go out and back, well it's a normal thing we do. But there was this girl who I haven't seen before, she was coming right our way, she was with her friends, they were laughing as they came. Time for me seems to stop when I saw her smiling. It was just a glimpse, it happened in just a few seconds but for me it was like an eternity. That smile seems to be different from all the rest. And the worst thing is that I don't know her, I've never seen her before, or I hadn't just noticed her for so long. The thought vanished when the bell rang signalling the end of our break. It was the last time I'd be seeing her that year… Well after that event I haven't seen her because we have lot of things to do before the year ends. I might seen her but I didn't notice her during those last days of school before the Christmas break…

During that long vacation everything went normally. I celebrated Christmas as we did with my family and relatives. While waiting for charismas eve I was sitting on my bed. A memory seems to repeat itself in my mind, that smile keeps popping in my mind. It's the first time it happened to me, my heart beats a little faster though, and it feels like I want to see her smile again. I was so excited to go to school after the New Year had ended. I went to school early, wondering if she will arrive early of late, but I have to take a chance. A part of me can't stand not to see her. I arrived early in school, the school doors are still closed, there are a few students waiting already in front the school. She not there yet, I keep on waiting, I looked along the road I might see her coming but there was none. A little later a service arrived, two girls came off it, one was fat and the other… it was her. (I still remember the plate number.) At last I saw her once again. I was so happy inside, the wind that blew was cold (we live in a mountain city, its really cold) yet I felt warm to see her in a distant. I keep on looking at her as long as she won't notice. Just looking at her was enough for me… she was so pretty. I never felt like this with my other crushes. Her identity seems to be still a mystery to me… I don't know anything about her.

Every day I go to school early, just to see her. Every recess and lunch break I wait outside the school door just to see her pass. I realized soon enough she was a freshman. One of my friends was kinda courting a girl from her class. I asked him if he knew her. He said he don't know yet. So I just stopped asking he might get curious. I don't want any of them know yet that I like this girl. One day that friend of mine came to me and said, he knows her name. The girl he's courting was a close friend of that girl. Her name was Lheriecel, I never heard of such angelic name. Even her name was beautiful. Her name got stock in my mind. He told me also they usually call her Liezel for short. I didn't know how he asked for her name or even if he told them about me, I didn't care. At least I knew her name. I and that friend of mine belong to the same YDT team, the red team. Then he was laughing loudly, I asked why. He told me she also belongs to the red team. She was one of our muses during the sports fest. What! I can't believe she's been so near me before yet I didn't notice her until now… my heart was so heavy. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I'll see her again during our YDT… huhu I was so scared.

Well YDT came on a Friday afternoon, but sometimes it's moved to any day depending on the schedule. During normal YDT when the gym is not available, we stay in school. Every team gather in one classroom. My heart beats rapidly when I saw her there. Did she know I asked for her name… I hope not. It was so uneasy being near her, it felt I'm carrying a heavy bag on my back… its hard to move. Hopefully she doesn't know yet… I hope. One of the 2nd years seem to be always beside or near her. He was trying to talk to her sometimes. I just didn't mind. He might be his boy friend, I just didn't care. As long I see her smile, my heart is already happy. Well most of my days went like that, trying to take a glimpse of her at least. The weird thing is I can spot her even in a crowd of student, even if it's the back of her head. It's like Id develop a radar to find her in my mind. My heart felt uneasy when I don't see her…

Remember that girl in front of me before, the one where you cannot see her ankle joints…it was her… it was her all along. The girl I didn't want… but I needed her so much now…

During the first week of February we will be having our Immersion camp, its an out of town camping where we go to remote places and see how other people live and we immerse our selves with them. The venue was in a province to the north. All the student were excited, it was a 7 hour drive from here to there. We can bring any supply we need. It was one of the best events in our school. It was the 4th years that are in charge of it, some faculty came to assist the student. I know what bus she's on. But no one knows yet. When the buses departed I keep a close watch on the appearance of the bus she's on. So every time we pass the bus I would look out the window. Luckily every time we pass their bus I always see her. I don't know why such opportunities always go right. It seems the heavens is pushing me towards her. My heart felt so at ease. When we arrived at the camp site it was beside the beach.. The area was big; the ground was all white sand. The breeze was quite strong because we are near the beach, about 50 or less meters away. As soon we went down the bus to pitch our tent. The area was divided per year level. 1st year and 4th year are beside each other, the 2nd years were much in the middle and us the 3rd years are placed near the entrance facing the beach.

I have my own tent that time, but one of girls in my batch borrowed it. So I lend it to her. So I have to share a place on the big tent the school had supplied. It was fun though. I wear a black bonnet every time I go out the tent for a walk, well to find her… I look like a robber though but some also were wearing one so I didn't look so out of place. I found her tent, and I saw her, pretty as usual even with out the make up, gladly she doesn't use much of those. I felt like a stalker but I have no bad intention but to steal a glimpse of her smile. That meant much for me…

Before the day ended, some of my batch mates saw a big log near the beach. We called as much as we can call to carry back that log back to the camp. So we did pull and pull until we were able to place it on the right spot after an hour or two. We chopped the branches to smaller pieces and made a bonfire in the middle of the camp. We made the trunk as a bench. Our batch seems to be more active than the rest. The girls were the one in charge for our food…

Well before sleeping time I walked around again just to see her before I sleep. Haay I'm getting obsessed with that smile. I woke up early; well some are already walking outside the tent. Students were lining up in the bath rooms to take a bath before the other students woke up. There were only 8 cubicles, and there were about 400 students at most. I went to the water pump were some of my friends were pumping water for the lower years who are lining up to have a chance… I was there talking to them then suddenly I saw her again, my God how could it always be happening… why does she shows up so often…

Our towel also seems to have the same color… well I didn't bring my white towels so I took my red one, but when I was about to use it, it seems to be dark pink that I dint bring it out of its plastic… well that's what her towel looks like also… just like mine. How could it be… some thing is really trying to push me towards her and I can't resist… I felt so alive… as she got nearer in the line my friend looked at me as if he knows something… his smile seems odd… terrified I might be exposed I left… he just laughed… how could this be happening to me…

The sun rose up and the first field trip will begin, student went to their respective buses. Here we go again, unluckly our bus was stocked in the sand, it won't move. The 4th year said that some of us should take a ride in the other buses. Well the only bus available was the seniors bus and… and.. her bus… I ran away when I saw their bus… I can't… not yet…huhu So I rode in the senior's bus… yet still fate was so cruel to me… her angel was in the same bus… I just remained silent… while sitting in the back… the worst thing is that her angel is the only girl in our seniors I got a crush on… just a little… huhu how could this be… huhu noooo… while on the fieldtrip I was not looking at the landscapes… I was more interested in looking for her…

Well it went just like that; the camping was for 2 nights… everything seems to be normal again. Just me again trying to see her from a distance. I don't have the courage yet to approach her, I don't know how; I don't know what to say… I just don't know how to handle things like this… it's my first time…

Time to go home arrived; we packed our things, our tents and loaded them to the buses. As usual I tried to look for her every time we pass their bus. Well just like luck I always see her… when we arrived back to the city, our bus was the first to arrive… they dropped us near the school. My friends called to go but I insisted to stay. I waited for their bus but it didn't came, I asked where are the other buses to our instructors… he said they stopped down the road. When I arrived there she was not there anymore… so sad…

Well that was the least of my problems this month… why?... something much cruel is coming and I have no choice… valentines day… why now huhuhu… its already next weak…

I don't know what to do, should I give her something?... if not some will… I know some guys also like her… who wouldn't?... I cant sleep at night just thinking what to do… I'm scared but I might regret if I won't do anything… It's my only chance…

A day before Valentines Day, I didn't go along with my friends, I went into a stuff toys shop to look for something nice to give her… I don't know why I picked a small bear hugging a heart that says I love you… I really don't know why… I really don't know… honestly… so I bought it with out a second thought… then I went to a flower shop to buy a rose in a box… a real rose… I went home instantly… wanting to write her something…

I got a piece of cardboard paper and I drew something there. It's her nickname written in the spaces of blocks. It's like an illusion where you have to find it within. The at the back of it I wrote that I'm sorry if the bear have an I love you, and I ask if its ok to court her despite her not knowing me… I'm not in my state of mind, I have no idea why I wrote those… it's a stupid thing to say… why me… huhu

I prepared the bear and the rose so I wouldn't worry when I get up, but it didn't… I couldn't sleep at all… I stand up once a while to check on the rose, I sprinkle it with water every hour… I just can't sleep… it seems I went crazy already…

Here comes the day, I went to school carrying a gift bag with the bear, letter and rose in it. My heart seems not to calm down, my batch mates and classmates looks at me wondering who I would give it to. Some of my friends already know who and they tried to pick on me. Im still shivering, I felt so cold and scared. What if… what if she won't like it… huhu I can't take the stares… huhu…

Recess came so quick… I lift my gift as I walked towards the corridor, my God my friends are already there as if they were waiting for me… as I tried to go back inside they tried to push me towards her class room… Noooo! As I arrived in front of their, my friends still holding me tight so I won't escape… I will!... One of them asked one of her classmates to call her… This cant be happening to me… huhuh she came to the door, I swallowed my fear and asked her name is Lheriecel, she said yes, my heart was about to explode… its too much, I'm already in front of her… I introduced myself and gave her my gift, and I said my goodbyes… my friends were teasing me, stares seems to came from every where… I turned so red… huhu I rushed back to my classroom… It was so hard to breathe… huhu I didn't went out that lunch, it was so hard… I don't know what to do, before dismissal the instructors announced there will be a ball later this night… huhuh not again… how can I face her now?...

The ball start at 7pm, so me and my friends went home to change… I don't know if I should go but my friends insisted… Well during the ball we and my friends say in a corner, some of them went for a dance, some just stayed there with me, I was waiting for the perfect song… She was on the other side, wearing a light blue dress… I think… I couldn't approach her… I'm so scared even if my friends keep on telling me to go… an hour later I still didn't asked her to dance… the ball was supposed to be until 9 but… an announcement said the next song will be the last one for tonight… The song was I'd rather be… huhu I have no choice… I approached her and she accepted… my nervousness went away for awhile… I held her soft hands as I held her on the back, it was so hard to dance… She was shy as I was, we just smiled as we dance till the song ended… it felt like a dream I'll never have again… I couldn't send her home because shes going with her cousin, the fat one but she was the smartest in their batch…

A day after the ball while eating my lunch in the classroom, one of my friends came to me bearing a letter… It was from her… I was so scared to open it, I might get rejected… I slowly opened it, as I remember it says… she not sure if I could court her but if it is possible we could know each other first and she said thank you for the gift, I felt relieved…

We started to write each other letters, thank God I didn't have a cellphone or else we wouldn't be writing each other. Her letters were fragrant with her perfume… smells like heaven… we continued writing until sports fest came. The sports fest was taken place in an oval race track in the other side of the city. We were in the same team so I was able to approach her, we talked for a while. I asked her if I could walked her home, she said wait she'll check something first. After awhile she talked to her cousin. Hours later she told me I could, but we have to let her cousin go first… after dismissal we waited for a bit until her cousin leaves… I asked why, she told me she's not allowed to be in a relationship, her mother forbids and her cousin might tell her mother if she sees us together. But we still can get to know each other she said… we walked back to town, well so I could be with her longer though, we talked a lot while other student who rode back to town stares at us… it was ok… as long as I'm with her… nothing seems to matter… I send her off to her ride home… I cant go with her, some of her relatives might see us…

After that we became more closer, even during YDT I would approach her, luckily some of my teachers who sees us doesn't mind at all. I felt so happy being with her, sometimes I cannot go near her, and so I look for simple times where I could approach her even for a couple of seconds… I buy her snacks sometimes…

During the JS prom of our batch and the 4th years, asked her angel for a dance… I don't know why… well I was courting her soul, so I should have the decency to ask her if she fine with it… we danced for a while, she asked to watch over her for her… well we talked about her mostly though… it was a memorable moment… then I said thank you… well basically have no confidence in asking girls to dance with… well because of her I gained some…

When the end of the school year ended I walked her home, before we arrived to her ride she gave me her number. I couldn't ask for more…

We texted almost everyday during the vacation even late through the night… I awaited for classes to resume again.

When classes resumed we went with are usual route, I approach her if it was safe, most of her batch mates knows already when I'm visiting her, they just kept quiet when I was there, I don't know why… well I'm not the only senior whose visiting some one in their batch… I felt I'm not like myself anymore… I felt so alive, maybe more… and sometimes we text each other in school before dismissal if I could walk her home, sometimes I could, sometimes I just watch her walk away from me, well she had to go home with her cousin also sometimes… it was ok… there's a song that always comes to my mind as I see her walking away… its from a local band in our country… the lyrics goes… "Listen to the things I have to say… please understand… she left me… all alone again…", well that's just the chorus… well its just felt like it…

Well I couldn

't visit her during YDT because seniors are not a part of it anymore. Well its ok we still see each other before going home, we texts each other if we didn't meet, saying our good byes… well months by just like that…

During September 25, an alumnus came and had a talk with the 3rd and 4th year boys. In his speech he discussed the guidelines in school. But the most highlight was relationships and external fraternities is a big violation of the rules, he said stop it or we will be kicked out of the school. That though echoed through my head on my way home…

That night I texted her… I said I'm sorry because I might stop approaching you or courting you… I explained to her what just happened… and I said I don't want to get her involve if I continue courting her… she might get expelled also… I'm scared she might get involve in anyway… she's an honour student… and I don't want to waste her efforts… tears were falling as I said those to her… I loved her but I have to stop for her sake…

Her next text was a surprise even for me… she said… do you really want it?... my heart was confused… I said what?... she said do you want to be US… are you serious? I replied… yes, but in one condition… she replied… what would it be…I asked… she said ask permission from my angel first… my heart was beating hard is if it died moments ago… I texted her angel… minutes gone by but no reply… I told her… I couldn't contact her… then she told me to pop the question so I did… Lheriecel can you be my girlfriend?... I asked nervously… she replied Yes!... my heart could believe any of it… smile pop out of my face… I could cry in joy… I couldn't believe it… and I couldn't sleep again… before we said good night she asked for one favour… to keep it a secret… how could I resist her… I said yes… only 3 persons know of it… me, her and her angel…

The next morning I asked her if I could talk to her during our lunch time… well I need to hear her answer personally of course… so we did… we walked along the road then I asked… Lheriecel can you be my girlfriend… she said blushingly yes… she was so cute even while she's blushing… I felt I could die already…

Well she had tell her angel eventually… her angel even told me to take a good care of her when she visited her in school… I said yes shyly… I was blushing when I faced her… their were just giggling though… haay what a life… but it felt alright…

Well being my first time in a relationship I just followed my heart most of the time, I never did ask for any advice… well I might regret some of those in the future though… but it didn't matter as long as Im with her…

I started saying I love you to her after she accepted e as her boyfriend… I can't believe it… well it only started as a glimpse of her smile now it ended up like this… I asked the Lord is this the sign I've asked for?... I felt like it… life seems so beautiful… she was so beautiful… a shy boy like me being with somebody like her… I thought it would only happen in the movies… seems so not real… but I was happy it happened to me… even just once in my life… just once…

On October 10, we went for a short walk again during lunch; she told me she's going to tell me something… I didn't know what… we talked for awhile… then its time to head back to school… while walking she said in a soft voice I love you… I heard loudly though… I was so happy I have to hear it again, so I pretended not to hear it… I asked again… She said I love you a little bit louder… she was so red that time… and also responded I love you too… since then we always say that to each other… se still write letters despite texting…

I asked her out for lunch a couple of times… well we have to keep a low profile… I thought the school would notice us together but it seems our teachers really didn't mind us… well she was a popular student to them… and the teachers always rely on me and my friends if they have something they need help on… well I don't know why… well some of us and also some of the student are close with most of our instructors… we even visit them during the break just to make jokes with them… maybe their not that strict that much… but some were caught but not us…

Many weird and I don't know how it happened events occurred between me and her indirectly… honestly… here are those events after September… where to start…

On a first Friday of every month we have to go to the gym to attend the mass, one time this happened. We the 4th years gathered the students in the hall and let them form a line by their year level. We went to the gym, we have to occupy the sits that are laid on the gym floor, we let the lower years to seat first leaving the two edge seats un occupied. The seats on the sides are for the 4th years so that we could silence the lower years if they misbehave during the mass. Me and my friends form a line and our school ministers assigned us to a seat… unexpectedly and not intentionally I was assigned to a seat which was 2 seats away from her… at least it's a bit far from her… but this boy I'm beside with exchanged sit with her…he said he needs to talk with their classmate beside her or something like that… so now I'm beside her again… huhuhu I couldn't move a bit… its like I have a stiff neck at that time… so I just sat there still… but it felt nice once for awhile I'm beside her during a mass… well we have to look at each other when we say the peace and we hold hands during the Lord's prayer… well it was still worth it… I only spoke to her when the mass ended so others might not get suspicious of us during the mass… and I don't want to disrespect our Lord…

Well we can only hold hands when were not in public, we held hands when we went out for a bit in distant park, her hands were freezing as I held them, she told me my hands were warm, so we just held hands while walking… it's a really rare for us to hold hands… every memory is worth a thousand words just for me to explain them… I cant explain how I truly feel, even tears of joy is not enough to describe how I felt…

There is this one time when suddenly she keeps avoiding me, but we didn't fight about anything that time, I didn't know why… she hides behind her friends… I can see her but not fully… hmm… I tried passing along their classroom but I cant see her… I never knew she had a haircut… and her hair was so shot, just below her ears… that's why she was avoiding me… so I texted her, she said she was in a bad mood because her mother and her unexpectedly went for a haircut… but months later when her hair was below her neck she went for a salon with her mother I think, they straighten her hair… she was even more prettier, but I still prefer her normal hair, I like to see her when she's simple… she glows more for me…

There are 2 kinds of camp, I already told about the immersion camp, well because it's the only camping that happened after I notice her… now here comes the survival camp… its like a part of our scouting, we are sent to a remote place where there are not much houses, sometimes in the mountains, beside the rivers, anywhere remote but still accessible… for emergencies… I asked her if she's going, yes she is… but she don't have any sleeping bag… so lend her mine, some of my classmates wants to borrow my tent because they don't want to share in the big once, well I lend it to them with one condition, well they have to watch over her if something happens… now I have no sleeping bag, no tent and I have to survive… hahah so the day of the camp, we are early about 5 am, it as still so cold, I went early to school so that I can give her the sleeping bag, I bought a bottle of Gatorade and slip it inside the sleeping bag… well in case she ran out drinks… it's a 2 night camping… so some supplies might not be enough… well just for her… I forgot about me haha… nevermind…

She arrived along with her cousin, I approached her and handed her the bag… the my friends took my tent… all I have left is my bag for clothes and snacks… well I don't want to bring much, it's a hike before we reach the site… the journey is about an hour and a half… it was in a mountain side with a small river passing through… its shallow enough to be safe, no storm in sight not just the last survival camp when we were hit by a storm… hahah happy days…

This time the girls camp is just beyond the hill but a bit far to separate them from the boys… I have no idea how she is doing, I just relied on my batch mates to take care of her if she needs one… when we arrived in the sight we have to remove a fallen tree that had fallen on a flat ground, well we are divided into troops composed of different year levels. Well our troop is assigned where the only flat surface is below that old tree… so we chopped and pushed until their was space to pitch a tent for our lower years. Well it was so full, me and the other 4th year in our troop have to find another place to sleep, so we found a small one… they laid their own sleeping bags well except for me… I got none…

The other 4th years started with the games and competitions for food, I stayed with a few others on the camp site to guard the things and to clear out the tree… luckily our troop won some food supplies even a chicken, well I was laughing because no one knows how to kill one… well the killed it eventually but the hard part came… who would want to eat it… hahaha I just laughed with my friends as we stare at it… memories from the last camping made it more funnier… well it was raining hard and we have to cook food, so we have to blow into a tube so that the flames will not die, well it seems funny for us… and after no one wants to eat it… well there were more funny events … but enough for now…

It was time to eat, the other prepared a big pot and cooked a lot in instant noodles, well it's the only thing some of the student brought besides from canned goods… we let them ate first.. it was finished instantly so some us hadn't ate yet, one of my friends got a few cans of maling (smoked ham in a can type)… we laid them near the bonfire then ate then as is… well we have to eat…

Sleeping time comes, it was hard… I cant find a nice place to sleep… I walked around, I saw a place in the rocks but the juniors are already occupying it… so I went back to my friends… there was I little space good enough for one shoulder, its better than nothing… haha

I wore my jacket and laid there, one shoulder is in the mat while most is in the bare ground, I just closed my eyes saying, she could sleep comfortably… that's enough for me… when I woke up there were pieced of grass and pebbles in my face, well its much better that the other ones inside the tents… some student wrote on their faces of those who are sleeping with a marker, they event didn't know…haha some of my friends were washing their face in the stream… then I looked up there was one of my friends standing… making a pee as he laughed… I just laughed watching the reaction from their faces… the next day went just like the other day… some of girl batch mates delivered some food for us… they heard we hadn't eaten yet… hahhaha we looked like beggars with dirty clothes asking for alms when they arrived in our camp… one of them said she was fine but there are just many mosquitoes in their part of the camp… but she's doing fine… I felt relief, all my effort had not gone into waste…

On the last day the last clothes I have were white ones, well I can't wear them before, they might get dirty as fast as I wear them on… so I fix most of the things that should be fixed before I went up the hill where all the rides will wait… when I got there, there are some students already resting even their troops were still cleaning and pitching their tent… I told them to help their troop but they wont listen… the new principal approached me and we talked a bit, well he was the father of one of our lower years… but his doing his work just right… well I don't want to discuss what we talked about because I have don't have the right to tell it… and it doesn't affect this story in any way… so better left unsaid…

He then left to see how the other student are doing, some got sick though so they were taken away in a different ride… some of my girl batch mates came and said the tent Lheriecel is on is still unpitched… so I called one of my friends and we went to their tent… I saw her still getting ready to leave… shes still fixing her stuff along with some friends of her… I was wearing all white so I have to be careful, it was so muddy… and I have to cross the stream and climb the ledge to reach their tent… when we got there we told them we will fix the tent and they should go on ahead. Asked her if she was ok, she said she was but with a little mosquito bites in her arms… then I let them leave to gather with the other students… so we unpitch the tent, there were mud plats on me already, huhuhu It didn't matter as long sa she didn't have to do it… we were the last one to leave the camp site… I expected her to already have gone with the other rides… but she didn't… she waited for me and returned my sleeping bag… she said thank you… I asked her if she saw the Gatorade.. she did… and she just smiled… that's better than a thank you… just a smile… I never told her what I've gone through… im just happy to see her again… we rode the ride back together, the ride was so full because it's the last one to depart… we sat beside each other… it was comforting…

When we arrive back to town I helped her find a taxi and I waived goodbye… we texted that night and talked about our experiences…

Every thing was back to normal… one day classes was suspended and I asked her if we could walk around town for awhile… she accepted… because her cousin went somewhere already with her friends… so it was me, her and her 2 friends… I didn't mind then tagging along… I owe those to a lot until now… well they did a lot for me I'm so grateful for… we went to the church first and sat there beside each other for awhile as we prayed… I just prayed for her happiness… well it's the only thing I want until now… and then we went to a mall that had just opened… as we were walking she noticed something… she said she needs to go to the bathroom… she pulled her 2 friends with her… a moment later they came back… we went to a fast food… well I would have paid also for her two friends but they went to a different counter and ordered quickly… so it was me and her left… after ordering we sat on a table, her friends in the other, its like they're leaving us to ourselves… well it was considerate of them… so we talked about things in our family, I showed her picture of my brothers, well she couldn't show me any because she left her purse at home, that's why she called her friends to the bathroom… well she didn't want to bother me that much… but I didn't care at all… after we ate we walked around the mall… her friends pulled her away for a bit… they saw her cousin on the ground floor so we hid in the department store for a while… its like having two cute body guards… I just giggled and was grateful and because of them we didn't get caught…

After that we went to get a picture, me and her was 1st, we took a picture of us together, then they went to get one also for the three of them selves… we walked for awhile waiting for out photos to be finished… we went back to take the photos, well she grabbed the picture first and paid for it… well I was to… but she insisted… she borrowed some money while they were in the restroom… she looked at it first… she gave me the 4r picture that looks better, she took the one she didn't like much, then we have both of the pictures… I still have that 4r with me… I put one on her… uhmmm… it's for later…

After taking the pictures she said she had to go home or else her relatives might look for her… so I walked her to her ride… I was wishing if it could be longer… but we have no choice…

We were able to go out again after a month, only the two of us, we went to a park far from the city so we could hold each others arm, we walked along the park, I felt so complete, I laid my jacket on the floor and we sat on it… we talked much as we gaze into the trees and mountains as we held hands… it was like a dream… it was so romantic… the sun was still rising and the rays pass through the gaps in the trees… the warmth felt so comforting… we then went back to town and ate before I let her go again…

During her birthday, Nov 25 I ordered 12 pink roses for her and 1 red rose in the middle, I asked them to wrap it in pink but it seems they made a mistake, I was so disappointed but I have no time to wait, because I went to pick it up during my lunch break… so I just took it… we were going to meet before the times up… so I hurried back to school… I met with her and gave get the flowers, I said sorry about the wrapper, she said it doesn't matter; she thanked me as I greeted her…

Before Xmas break we met and went out for a bit after the Xmas party in school. It was sad to be apart from her, but we still kept in touch…

Every thing went as usual when school stated again… immersion camp was closing in again. This time I'll not look like a robber, every one was excited, this time our batch decides here to go. Well it's a province to the south west of our city, about 6 hours drive… well as usual she borrowed my sleeping bag well I insisted she take it rather to share with her friends and my tent was also borrowed my usual batch mates…

When we got there it was on a private land, there was a vacant house, and a large background, some trees, and outside the gate is the road where many tricycles pass. There was electricity in the house so the students pile their cell phones while they wait for their turn… I stayed in the big tent with my friends. We gambled while we were inside the tent to pass the time. Hehe it was fun… the school ministers (some of my batch mates) were arranging the activities to come tomorrow, some went to the market with the other representatives form the other batch to buy some food. So we have not much to do, we texted each other to know if we could meet some times. Occasionally I hang around my friend who is one of the ministers, well so I could walk around. Well he notices why what I'm doing, I just laughed… as he just went with it… hehe I see her once I a while.. I also try to bump to her when she buys food… so I could treat her… why do I always try to treat her?... the night she accepted me, I told her that I will still court her even if she's my girl friend, so I did… well it was a good thing, I forgot to feed my self so I lost much excess fat I had…hahah

During the night my friends assigned me and some of us to guard the sophomore's area for misbehaviours… some were assigned to the juniors and freshmen… well there were some the took an early sleep, some were awake till midnight… some just played in their tents… me and my friend just sat in the middle of their camp and watch the stars in the sky… well I can see her tent in a distant… I texted with her, a few moments later she said good night, we guarded the place for an hour or two before we went to rest…

In the morning some woke up early to take a bath, I didn't woke up so early even did she… most of the student had already taken a bath so there were a few students lining up… well me and my friends took a bath in the other house, she used the one in the camp…

After lunch we are going to the community to collect a survey on how they live… the 4th years with their souls were the first ones to arrive… me and my soul was able to take the first house by the beach, we were the first on to finish, then he went to meet up with his friends… I also hanged around my friends and their soul as they look for places that are still available… a little later I saw her and her friends… walking around not knowing where to go… so I ran to them, they seem to have not surveyed yet, most of the place have been finished… I accompanied them to some houses in the side, luckily they were not yet taken, so I help them finish first then we went our separate ways… after the activity we are free to stroll as long as we get back before the night sets in… me and my friends walked to the beach… they saw a small resort with a swimming pool, they all went, they was forcing me to go but it seems a part of me doesn't want to… as if its waiting for some one…

I walked along the beach for a while… there were this small starfish by the shore, I thought they were stones because it felt stiff and its not moving… so I picked it up… minutes later here she comes with her friends… I knew it, I'm glad I didn't go with my friends…I approached her… we were walking together by the shore, I gave her the starfish… she was so curious what it is… moments later an instructor approach us… oh no we might be caught I said to myself… as he approach us he said don't bring those starfish back to the camp… they are protected in this area… he just smiled at us and left… whew… so I told her to let it go on the water… we both stepped on the water as she laid the starfish back to the sea…

So we walked along the shore again, then we saw this small bamboo houses standing in the rocks just beside the shore, there were 4 of them, there were 3 on the rocks and there was on but a bit higher that the rest… luckily the only one available was the one on top… she I decided to go there so we could rest… I assisted her as we went there… well it has the best view… the sun will set after an hour, the sky in the distance was turning orange… the sparkle from the sea was s calm, even the winds was cool… I couldn't ask for more… maybe more time if I could… we sat there looking at each other smiling… we talked a bit… we even laughed as I tell her some stories… the sun was almost setting… one batch mate of mind shouted we have to go back to the camp… wanting to stay more if we could… but we cant sadly… as we go down her friends were waiting for her… I called the remaining students to head back… well they waited for me… then we took a tricycle, the sat on the side car and I sat behind the driver… when we arrive on the camp she said thank you and we went our separate ways again… well tonight is batch night… each batch stays together as they discuss issues, problems and plans in the future… some were preparing food, some just played around while there was an issue being discussed… well some just are care free… especially issues that didn't involve them… well I'm just texting with her… the night ended late for it's the last night of camp… we met before returning to our camps…them we bid good night…

The next day came so lazy, well no one wants to go home yet, some prepared food like it's a buffet, to many food to choose… haha… some fixed their stuff, some unpitched the tents and some just sat in the corner. Well I don't want any problems later so I fixed everything I needed to sort out… then I try to approach her when it was possible… well to see her before we board the buses… because I don't know if ill see her when we arrive home…

During one of the stop overs I went down looking for a souvenir to bring home, I found this shell with an I love you, I bought it right away and I searched for her, I saw her as she was going down their bus… I quickly ran to her and gave her my present… then I went away so no one would see us again…

when we arrived back to the city she came to me and returned the bag… then she went back quickly because her cousin was coming back from some where… well she perfumed the bag before she gave it… that's enough for me…

2 days after the camping she gave me a letter… she said… she was so happy that time on the beach, it was one of her dreams to sit there and watch the sunset… sadly it was cut short… but she was still grateful for everything… she even brought home one of those starfish and named it after me… my heart felt so happy to have some one like her…

She once told me not to mention break ups unless its going to happen…

One day we were talking about things like what if we died, she asked if I die? I told her not to think like that, but if it would happen a asked her to haunt me or show her self to sometimes, she just laughed… well I was serious… well I told her if she would go 1st that I would follow, she got mad… she said to me if I will do that she will never forgive me… that's more scarier than death… I don't have the strength to do it anymore… until now because of her…

She was always on my mind… the weird thing is never felt any lust for her… I just want to be beside her… just to see her smile… just a smile… I would die just for that smile… I would…

There is this time when I asked her if I could kiss her, she said she's not ready for anything like that yet… she told me there's a time for everything… so my sadness went away… it really doesn't matter… I loved her… and she loved me… why should I be sad…

Valentines came, I just gave her a simple rose with no leaves this time… I also removed the thorns… well she liked it hopefully… During the ball we just looked for a dark place so we could be alone, we just held hands… as we look at the other students dancing… we didn't do anything malicious, we just sat together… she didn't want to dance… even if I was dressed for it… moments later a teacher saw us and came towards us… oh no again… well he just said not to stay there.. we should join the other students… so we went down and sat together for a bit… I don't know if any one wants to dance with her… no one did approached us… well I didn't know… I'm sorry if there was any… that time I was able to bring her home but not directly in front of their gate. Some one saw us that time, but it didn't matter… I rode the taxi back home…

There are this nightmare that keeps going in my mind… in the dream I was looking for her… in a crowded place… when I saw her… she was crying and she was holding my letters… I woke up crying… I just couldn't stop crying that night… never went back to sleep… its so painful just to see her like that… I can't bear it…

Before the end of the school approaches, every year level has to defend a research project in groups not more than 10. In every defence there is 1 teacher and 2 4th year students who will deliberate if they pass. Well I was not part of any of those… haha It's the day when she and her group mates will go for their defence. Me and my friends were just hanging out in our classroom. I texted her Good luck… moments later my batch mate, who is a judge for their group came running looking for some one to replace her, she has to go some where urgent, well I don't know why… well she knows I like Lheriecel so she asked mo to go… Hell NO!... I said it,why should I?... people might say something bad or malicious if I will be the judge… so she turn to my friend to the left… how about you? She asked… He smiled with a devilish face… well about this friends of mine… well I cant trust him to do this so I volunteered forcefully… so I joined the other judges as we wait for her group… the other 4th year was giggling also when he saw me as the substitute judge… I just frowned and sat beside the teacher who was also staring at me… huhuh… the things I do for love… huhuh

When her group came in they were shocked to see me… they stopped as they opened the door… they whispered to each other something while looking at me… its not my fault… huhuh

As they sat on their sits I just bowed my head in shame… huhuhu they forced her to present their research… I acted normally… I cant even look at her straight… huhuh

After they have presented the teacher keeps on saying bad result on their work, it seems there are part that are missing and incomplete… they were about to fail their defence… was sad for them… asked them if they have any back up plans with their research.. she was the one who answered… there was none… so the teacher ask them to go out for a while as we discuss the result… the teacher was right about their work, its not a passing score, then she asked us both what should be done, to let then do it all over again or for them to rewrite it with all the missing parts… the teacher was voting for the overall rework, my batch mate voted for a rewrite… then they look at me… why me?... I said…knowing she had a lot of project she responsible for… my conscience don't want to make her suffer anymore, I voted for a rewrite… so the teacher called them back and gave them our verdict. They were scared they have to do it all over again, but luckily they won't. I just bowed my head… they went back to their rooms and fixed their things…

I waited for her, well that's the plan before I became a judge… I explained how I got there but I left the part about the voting… she gave me a plastic rose like flower as a thank you…

During my graduation she approached me to congratulate me… then the graduation ceremony started… she was about to approach me but she saw my mother, mother was calling her but she was so she ran away… well I went to chase her… we talked a bit though… then she left…

During the summer, she went with some school activities, well she was not able to text much… on April 19, 2004 I went to our school and hanged out with my friends… the I received a text massage from here saying we cant go any more further as lovers… her mother found our letters and now we have to break up, I told her I would wait her her… but she said we will NEVER be again… it tore my heart… why I asked as tears fall from my eyes… in an instant my world disappeared… the last smile I saw was on my graduation… I insisted I will wait… I will wait… but she wont accept it… my heart felt like… I don't know what to do… my friends notice a changed in my behaviour… I left in an instant covering my tears… I tried to text her but she wont reply any more… cant even see her for the last time… I felt like dying right there…

I don't know how to handle this pain, it's the first time I felt like this, my parents ask me what happened to me, I remained silent… all I need is her… but it seems the world wont let me… I tried to look for some one new but all I can saw to them is her… all I talk about is her… how can I patch a infinite hole in my heart… no one will ever be much more than her… I try to hang out with friends but its see





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