Life can be full of surprises, maybe ones that can really bring your life to a stop. Stopping I feel like that is what I would want the most to stop for once in my life to stop feeling. It sounds very dark and morbid but sometimes the less feelings the better. Why open Pandora’s Box if life could be lived without emotion; well because life wouldn’t be life without emotions. Don’t get me wrong life without them may sound like a good idea but really how far would one go if there is no pain, suffering, happiness, desire or even love. Without emotions no one really would care and compassion, faithfulness, dedication and admiration all comes from caring.
A world without emotions would be like a person who has never loved, empty. There would always be this empty void feeling inside of wonder on how it will feel. Can feelings really tear people and maybe even you apart yes, are they meant to maybe. Emotions weren’t meant to cause so much chaos they were meant to create a deeper meaning to them. Whether its sadness, happiness, anger, betrayal or love all these feelings they might consume you but they make life have purpose.
Purpose is something everyone wants. Everyone always wants to know what their purpose in this world is and many just forget they will find along the way. I however have lived my life with so much emotion that sometimes the thought of turning my humanity off and turning all those emotions off felt like a good idea. Through time I realized that without emotion I wouldn’t be who I am. I might be young deceitful and sometimes a hopeless romantic but my emotions they are apart of me. Suffering builds character and who hasn’t suffered because of love. Oh don’t get me wrong I am in love, I love this guy with all my heart and it sucks you know because I know he loves me to but he is just afraid. Afraid that if things go back to the way they were they are going to go wrong. He doesn’t realize that I don’t want things to go I want them to go forward. What I feel isn’t just lust or desire it’s more powerful than that. I want our love to grow more each day because we are something else. I know that our love could move forward because with him the world doesn’t end and neither does time. I feel safe and yes mistakes were made by both parts but who is perfect, no one. In this world there isn’t anyone who is perfect.
Sometimes I think to myself it takes more than words more than saying “I love you” to actually show that person you do. Sticking by through everything the good and the bad that’s what shows that you really love not just Valentine’s Day presents or gifts in generally. If those words didn’t exist I wonder how people would express their love. Weird, how three words eight letters can mean so much but not many know how to show it. I always thought love wasn’t for me why would I want to love? To get hurt, disappointed and heartbroken no I decided loving wasn’t something I would want in my life. Well fate had a different input in that. Fate decided I needed to love.
Before love all I had in my heart was a wall, a wall I never wanted to tear. This changed the moment he came into my life. In reality it didn’t that just sounded nice the moment that everything changed was the moment I decided to stop denying that I loved him that I still do. I was young in high school and not interested in him. Now that he is gone I realize without love what is there in my heart. Many people don’t realize that they have the best thing in front of them and they let them go. Once they are gone the chances of getting them back are slim because no one knows how much love can live in one’s heart. It might sound crazy but the moment I realized I loved him it felt like it was this spiritual loving experience I wasn’t going to let go. Now don’t confuse it with obsession because the definition of obsession is the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a certain idea. Love shouldn’t be confused with obsession or even lust, or a fond feeling towards someone you just met and was with you for that time. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to use it.
to be continued.....