She had always been a monster , considering the fact she had me at 15. A drug addict is what she is. Or , was. If she hasn’t died from all the drug overdoses yet. Obviously , she didn’t care about me.Sure , she stuck around . And smoked , drank . The usual motherly stuff.
Oh , and we had a father. He was an extremely kind , handsome man with tawny brown eyes and blond hair. A complete opposite from my mother’s black hair and cat-like green eyes. They were two beautiful people. The difference was, one was a demon and the other was an angel. And a mixture form heaven and hell didn’t turn out well. They were never married, but they lived together. Mom didn’t find a job , well , simply because she didn’t want to work., while my father pulled all of the weight. And he was sick of that, along with drug dealers coming around at ghastly hours of the night. So he got up , packed his bags , kissed us goodbye and off he went . My mother tried finding him. She even went to a couple different provinces. But when she finally found him , he was 23 and she was 22. He was living with his beautiful blond -haired brown eyed girlfriend. My mother had said they looked like brother and sister. She said it was sickening.
I believed her. But I also accepted my father’s decision. I mean, I wouldn’t have stayed with my mother either.
The drugs in their bedroom were everywhere. Even if you weren’t the one smoking the weed , you would get high off it from the odor. Laycie was always scared to death when she got high, which was everyday . So , she was just scared all together. Yeah , sure I was scared. I mostly just thought of her as insane.
She didn’t seem to love anyone, after our father left. Not only did she not seem to , but I am almost positive she didn’t..
Why would she?
We were as she always said , “accidents.”
We weren’t meant to be in her life. Be her two lovely daughters that she always talks about to her neighbors.
The ones she says are so helpful and beautiful and she loves , and kisses them on their foreheads goodnight .
The ones she wraps up in hugs when its cold , and rubs sunscreen on when its hot and sunny.
These are all the things a loving mother does.
But not my mother , no. My mother is a filthy drug addict who is going to spend the rest of her life in jail.
The thing about this is it makes me sad , but not as much as it makes me ashamed to have such an absolutely wicked person as my mother
. What did I do? What did I do to have a curse of no love upon me. What.
If someone could answer this question for me , I would be on my way , ready to do it , and eager at that.
So , god. This is the first time I am ever talking to you. Asking for a favor . Only one. Please , if I had one more chance to do it all over ,
Let that night be taken back , the night my parents met.
The night they made love and formed something that was supposed to be special.
The night they had me.
I don’t want it anymore.
I don’t need it.