So as i sit here in my small box room in Liverpool (England) i am constantly reminded of the one true fact to my life now, i will never move on with my life fully because he is always going to be the ghost of my life, until he comes back that is. I am Lucy, i am currently seventeen and it has been nearly five months since the true love of my life left me to fulfill his duty. Five months may seem like nothing in most peoples minds but trust me, its like a lifetime when you are in love and when you think about the person everyday. I do think about him everyday too, something even the littlest thing brings him back to me. I will never forget our time 'together', even if we were never truly together. We shared a fifteen year age gap but it felt like nothing to us because of how much we loved each other. He had a childish nature about him and i live in a childish nature because i am still a teenager. Age just never mattered to us.
So this is me, i have braces, brown red hair,blue and green eyes that reminded him of his fathers and a button nose. I am by no means beautiful in my mind but he used to tell me all the time how beautiful i was, i never really believed him but i know he meant it. As for my life right now i am currently going ahead with my A levels and trying to figure out what to do next, i know i want to travel as much as i can, as much as i can financially too. I know my heart does truly belong in Italy too and i know i will one day live there. That i am sure of.
As for Alessandro or Alex as i liked to call him, he was thirty one and yes he was significantly older than me but it never mattered. Many cynics will say that what i feel for him is just puppy love because of my age but there are some things i am just completely sure of, not as a teenager and not as a young adult. As a person. I think you know when you find the 'one', you just know.
He worked as a technician for an American IT firm in Italy, he was so skilled and clever. Our intelligence matched but on different things, he was crafty and he was skilled with things like woodwork and technology. I am a writer, reader and poet. I find music and art also very inspiring and he respected this just as i respected his talents. His hobbies included yoyoing and skiing. He loved his family and had the same passions for love and family the way any Italian man would, i soon learnt this. He was an excellent lover in all ways.. Compassionate, caring, creative, lovable, passionate and most of all the best companion anyone could wish for. He didn't seem to have dated much when i first met him, he came across like a hard worker. Most nights when we spoke through our drawing game (Depict) he was usually in a hotel room in Rome, where he worked. I didn't realize on them early November nights how much i would soon be desiring the nights he had in the Rome hotel rooms.
Love.. I find love to be so curious, i have so many definitions of certain types of love. I guess you get teenage puppy love, you both want it to last but it never does. You have true love, no matter how far away you are from the other person your feelings never change. No matter what you find out about them you still want them in your life. And then i guess you get the love that you know will never work out, the forbidden type of love. My love for Alessandro was true, it was as pure as the fresh daffodilsin a spring meadow. It was also forbidden, not in a medieval type but just in the way that society usually raises eyebrows on a relationship which has fifteen year age gap.
Don't be fooled by the sad tone to this story, things were once perfect between me and him, the man who i fell in love with. We were happy, we would talk away all night. We did once, when we first met, he would have been laying in his hotel room all night talking to me, drawing to me, he was very artistic as am i. That is how we met, through a drawing game, its silly and magical at the same time. How fate brought us together, thousands of miles away and fate put us together. I will never forget the night that we stayed awake, we watched the sun come up together from different parts of the world. I think that is pretty magical in itself, even though we were so far away i always felt so close to him, he gave me updates all the time in work and i gave him the same information from school. I will never forget our carefree days. Before things turned sour that is.
So now i sit here and even though i have begun my quest of life i am more alone than ever inside, my eyes will soon be swimming in tears as i flashback on our time together. Memories are funny things because a memory to you could be a dream or disaster to another. My memories on our relationship are just mine, fortunately for me i have his emails which contain so much of him. They contain his voice, his singing and his passion. I flash back to them when i am unclear on my memory. I also flash back to them when i am at a loose end, just so i dont forget the way his Italian voice sounded, the voice that i so crave.
Now I'll take you back in time.. Seven months back in time..