"Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you."
As I walk quietly, or sullenly some people would call it...... I notice the looks I'm getting from some of my peers. As if I'm not supposed to be here. You couldn't figure out my life if you tried, so please don't waste your time. You see, everyone blames me for the death of my best friend.
"Hey freak, whatcha gonna do? Slit my wrist, kill me too?" Almost it seems out of thin air, Megan arrived.
"Go find something to do! You obviously don't have anything better to do than harass innocent Freshmen?" she replied defiantly.
"Cassie?" she says eyeing me worriedly, "You cool?"
"Yeah, I'll survive, every day it's the same people, different barbs."
I sigh as we enter the restrooms. "Everyone seems to think that either I killed him or I let him die! Why would I do that? I loved him, I still do ! He was my best friend he often told me so." I say softly. I'm so lost in my memories, that I don't realize Meg ushering me to the toilet as I try to hold it back, it never works.
After Megan soothes me, she takes me to the counselor, Mrs. Moss. Of course, knowing my situation, she automatically gives Me and Megan the conference room, no questions asked.
I sit there talking to Megan for hours, not realizing what I'm saying, or even what time it is. She sits there patiently, waiting for me to finish. Before I know it the bell sounds, signaling the day over. Megan asks if I want to stay in her dorm tonight, considering I had to give mine up as soon as Khleo died. I couldn't take the pressure, walking past his room so often, absentmindedly turning his doorknob.
"I guess, let me call my mom, let her know I'm staying, since I don't have to baby-sit tonight. I hope she'll let me stay!"
"Let's go, and use my phone, in the room. You want to just go to Teranga's tonight? This stuff looks gross," Megan exclaims with a faraway look in her eyes.. "Yeah, let's go" I reply pocketing my keys, and cell phone.
I know why she's looking that way, but won't dare acknowledge it. Last time I did so, she denied it, we got into an argument, which resulted in her fleeing town, for at least two weeks. So now when I notice the "look", I just ignore it or change the subject. Everyone was worried, but I was in too much pain myself to soothe her, much less me. Megan's dad died last year. He overdosed on coke. And no, not the drink coke. Megan used to idolize him, up until last year. He started drinking, smoking, and snorting. Even worse, he started to beat her; he molested her for two months before he died. He was under the influence. She says that wasn't the dad she remembers most of the time. She still remembers the father from her childhood. The one who loved her unconditionally, the one who taught her how to ride her bike. I used to always tell her she's lucky, now I don't. She knows better than to bring up the subject of my father. Pop, I call him. Turns out, that's the perfect name for him, that's all he does now. Pops in, and out, makes sure me, my brothers, and my sisters are alright. He ran out on us, with some Brazilian dancers. In other words, strippers. Now whenever someone mentions our father, My oldest brother Bryan starts singing T-Pain's old single "I'm in Love With A Stripper." He used to do it so often, our mother told us to stop. But it's not hard to when the only thing you can say about your father is that he gives you one hundred dollars a year to get rid of you! And he's supposedly in love with a stripper....Yeah right! Maybe what she does on her job. No offense to her, of course. Peaches, I mean Carole is really sweet, but I just don't like how she broke up our perfect family. Dad decided to leave us right when Khleo died, when I needed to be "Daddy's Little Girl."
"How she found my cell number I do not know! She had the nerve to call and seeI'd I was alright? After she pretty much drove him to his deathbed? Almost let me take the blame! Yeah right, I would actually kill my best friend! How heartless would I be to commit homicide?" Okay, so I guess it's time to explain. Deep breaths....Phew! Khleo's mom made his life pure hell. He never got a break, then when he said that her boyfriend kept trying to molest him, she wouldn't hear of it! She accused him of trying to break them up. He cried, begged, and pleaded for her to hear him out. Matt or "Tripp" as I called him, I always wished he would trip off the face off the earth. Therefore, Khleo was always staying the night over house. My mother soon figured out why Khleo, was always over so often.
"Khleo? Can I borrow Cassie for a minute?"
"Why, Of course Ms. McGowan!" Khleo replies forcing a smile. My mom pulls me through the kitchen.......
"Cassie, why does Khleo have a black eye?"
"He got into a fight at school? I exclaim lying through my teeth. My mom figures it out right away.
" And Josh tells me his back was bruised before football practice?" "Mom, stop! It's not my place to tell you, if Khleo wants to confide in you, so be it! But, I'm not betraying his trust, I'm not hurting him anymore emotionally, than he already is!" I say breezing through the kitchen door. I almost collide with Khleo, and he gives me a dirty look.
"I'd rather be at home than with someone who breaks promises! Cassie? I thought I could trust you. I love you. You obviously don't feel the same!"
"You know I feel the same! What are you talking about Khleo?" I scream tears threatening to spill.
"You don't do that to people you love!" he slams the door. I run up to my room, and upon closing the door, I allow myself to weep openly. Not only do I have to fear for his safety, now I have to fear for his life.