Immersed Memories

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Haseena

Why couldn’t I get him out of my head? Why did he have to do this to me? We were just friends, nothing else. We couldn’t be anything more than that could we? No, of course not, he had a girlfriend, and I wasn’t the kind of girl who fell for her best friend, but then again who really had control of falling in love?

Lucas had been my best friend for four years, he was the one that was always there for me, and the one that you could tell anything too, the one that would make you laugh no matter what. I loved him, and that was the truth.

‘Haseena, what kind of chips do you want?” Agustina asked me releasing me from my train of thoughts. I shrugged. My body could feel a pair of eyes on me from the front counter. I ignored them and continued back to what I was doing.

“I don’t know, just grab the typical.” I replied. Then I went to the back of the store to grab the drinks from the freezer. I couldn’t think about him anymore, I knew it was just going to lead to bad things but I know that I’m going to have to face him sooner or later. “Do you want me to grab some chocolates?” I asked Agustina. She looked up from a magazine she had found at the front counter and nodded.

“Yeah let’s just hurry up.” She cried back turning around to look at the window.

“Yeah I know you want to get back to your Romeo.” I said grinning. She blushed again lightly and shook her head but both of us knew no one was buying it.

“Hey Jason,” Agustina said to the boy at the front counter. He had large brown eyes and short shaggy brown hair. I didn’t know him but by I had seen Agustina talk to him several times. He just stared at me smiling. I didn’t say anything. He was cute but right now I wasn’t interested in any boys.

“Hey Agustina,” he answered like a robot.

“How’s the shift?” She asked. He began swiping the items pass the scanner and into the bags.

“It’s okay, not so busy thankfully,” Jason answered staring at her. I looked down into my wallet and grabbed a twenty out.

“Oh, Jason this is Haseena, Haseena this is Jason,” Agustina introduced. I looked back up and smiled at him.

“Hello,” I greeted. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” He answered back to me. I handed him my twenty and waited to grab the bags.

“So,” Jason said as if waiting for me to say something back. I stared at him, my eyebrow raised.

“Well I think we should get going now,” I said looking toward Agustina. She nodded solemnly.

“Okay well Jason, I’ll see you later, bye!” She cried.

“Bye Agustina, bye Haseena.” He smiled shyly.

“Bye,” I said back as I rushed toward the door. Agustina was right on my track. I knew I was going to receive a lecture for this after.

“Haseena, what was that?” She barked. And there was the speech.

“What was what?” I mumbled. The boys were still there, their eyes continuing to be on us. I saw the same boy who was still enduring to stare at Agustina; my eyes went to his friend beside him. I was a little shocked to see him looking at me smirking. He’s dark blue aquamarine eyes could be seen from miles away. He had short dark black hair styled in a faux-hawk with small buzz cuts shaved into the sides of his head.

“You just ignored Jason! You know that he’s in love with you.” She supposed. I scoffed taking my eyes off the good-looking boy but I could still feel his stare on me.

“What am I supposed to do? It’s like I could do anything.” I said calmly.

“Well I don’t know you could probably talk to him more?” She suggested.

“No, that’s just mean,” I cried.

“How is that mean?” She asked. I had no idea how but we were now walking just a step away from the boys in the car.

“Because I don’t want to lead him on, we both know I don’t want a boyfriend right now.” I answered quietly. She quieted down staring at the ground. I sighed, waiting for her to jump straight back into the conversation.

“Well you never know what happens.” She grumbled underneath her mouth.

“Agustina, I don’t want a boyfriend right now and you of all people know that, I just really don’t need that kind of problem in my life,” I said trying my best to keep my voice low. She nodded, staring at me. I heard the dark haired boy whisper something to his friend about me. I turned and glared at him, it wasn’t anything rude but I wasn’t in the mood of any of this. His friend pushed his shoulder and I saw the mesmerizing blue eyes come back into my stare. He smiled shyly and looked to the ground as if embarrassed. I just rolled my eyes and began walking out of their view.

“Why are you acting like this?” Agustina asked. “You’re having mood swings, your fine one minute and then mad the other.” She believed. I didn’t reply and kept on walking. “Haseena, will you stop walking away? Just answer me, please.” She begged grabbing my hand to stop me. I stared at her; I didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t where to begin,” I said looking at the ground. My hand was rubbing my shoulder.

“What do you mean?” She asked. I glanced around and saw the boys still staring at us. It was obvious they were interested in our conversation.

“Lucas told me about…about what happened to Dwayne.”I whispered. She stared at me confused.

“I thought you already knew.” She said.

“I did, well at least I thought I did, I guess I didn’t know the full story.” I mumbled.

“Haseena what do you mean?”She asked.

“Lucas and Jake did it to Dwayne, they were the reason he was in the hospital.” I croaked. She stared at me with her big green eyes.

“How did he do it? No, trust me Lucas could not do that!” She said. I was a little surprised to hear her say that, she was the one who had wholesome hatred for him.

“I don’t know, he was mad…and Dwayne was….and I don’t know, I honestly don’t!” I cried. I wanted to keep my voice low and fortunately succeeded unlike Agustina.

“Oh god, does anyone know?” Agustina asked.

“I don’t know, I just found out!” I said running my hand through my hair.

“Okay let’s just go home; you have to tell me everything.”She demanded her voice still generous. That’s exactly what we did. We left the group of boys and began walking home.

“Okay, now what happened?”She questioned as we plopped down onto the bed. I gulped trying to rephrase what Lucas had told me.

“Okay,” I sighed. “He said that he was mad at Dwayne because of what he did to me, he said he didn’t want to see me sad,” I whispered. My voice couldn’t get any louder. I didn’t want to remember what he said to me but I don’t think I had a choice. “That night when Dwayne and I had that fight, I did something that I really shouldn’t have done. I told Lucas.”

“Why would you do that?”She exclaimed massaging the temples of her head with her hand. “You know how much they hate each other”

“I know, I was dumb,” I cursed at myself. “It wasn’t my fault, he’s one of my best friends, and I couldn’t hide it. I tell both of you everything, I can’t just hide that from him.”

“What happened next?”

“Dwayne went out with his friends that night, I remember because Joe was texting me about how sad Dwayne was acting that night.” I remembered the memory from that night. “Lucas told me that I shouldn’t worry about him and that he would talk to him. I knew what he meant but I didn’t want to believe it so I begged him not to talk to him and that whatever happened, had happened. I was on the phone texting him that whole night just to make sure nothing happened.”

“I remember that, that was when we were having a sleepover. You wouldn’t get off your cell phone the whole time.” Agustina kept in mind. I nodded.

“He stopped texting me all of a sudden, two hours passed and he still hadn’t texted, neither had Joe. I was a little scared and I knew that something had happened but I was too scared to realize that I was right. Lucas had started a fight with Dwayne, they were both fighting with each other, words got said, feelings got hurt, and pain got shared. But Dwayne was being even more stupid, he began drinking. I mean who does that?” I asked her. “He should have known not to drink and drive, he knew that it was stupid.” I cried now feeling the tears leave my face and drop to the ground.

“It’s okay Haseena, don’t worry okay?” Agustina cooed as she holds me in a warm hug. I couldn’t stop the tears. “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.”

“No, no it won’t. Agustina don’t you understand? He’s dead; he’s dead because of me. He would still be here if we didn’t have that fight, he would be beside me right now, why did I have to do this? Why did this have to happen?” I asked. The tears felt like burning hot flames striving down my cheek. Each tear stung more and more.

“No Haseena, you can’t say that. You weren’t the reason that it happened. There’s nothing you could do about it.” Agustina said her eyes too were teary.

“You know, today I went to the hospital. I couldn’t even take a step inside. I just remembered me going to the hospital to see his face, his scared face. I never got to say goodbye properly, I never got to tell him how much I loved him, how much I needed him. Why does this have to happen?”

“I know, it’s hard Haseena, but please don’t think this anymore. I can’t stand you going through this, please Haseena.”She begged.

“I need to go to the washroom.” I said. I gritted my teeth and jumped off my bed and stumbled to the door, the tears blurring my vision. I stormed across the landing to the furthest door on the left.