I've never been attracted to somebody.
I mean, I''ve had "Boyfriends" and I've had "Crushes", but I've never been mutally attracted to anyone in my life before. Maybe that's why everything feels so weird in High School. Most people have found that someone that they're are going to love until graduation, and I'm just standing so awkwardly at these football games, watching everyone else hold hands, watching everybody else be consumed by "Love". In the meantime, I'm goofing off with my friends, having as much fun as possible, and not paying any attention to game whatsoever. Maybe a glance or two at the score board to see who is ahead- of course, our school is- and then looking at the clock to see what time it is so I can drive home and dive into bed, take off all my clothes, and relax until I fall asleep.
I'm sixteen years old- almost seventeen- And most girls by now have boyfriends. Okay, ALL of the girls in my grade have boyfriends. Even Jenna- my best friend since eighth grade- had to go and get a boyfriend because she couldn't stick to being a loner like me. The main reason I'm not in a relationship is not because I think I'm ugly, or nobody likes me- a lot of guys like me. And alot of guys have asked me out, just at this football game, I've had seven guys ask me if I wanted to go make out under the bleachers. I was actually so badly craving for attention that I would've actually gone through with it, If Jenna hadn't been there to stop me. Most of the guys were at least moderately attractive, but most of them were either shorter or the same height as me. I've got this issue with dating people who are smaller than I am.
Not that I'm small of course, I'm five seven, five eightish, so I am taller than at least half the guys in my grade. I have a rule that I set for myself to avoid having awkward relationship moments- like not dating anyone shorter than me, anyone who is the same height as me in heels, and, of course, nobody that Jenna doesn't approve of. It's a healthy system, and it helps me filter through the guys at our school quicker than taking the time to see if I actually like them- I know, it sounds absolutely horrible, but you know you do it too. I shouldn't have to be the one to bend down and kiss him- that is just awkward, mismmatched, and a thing I find entirely unattractive. Jenna thinks the same way, which is why we get along so well, we never disagree about anything becuase we don't get involved in drama like the other girls.
With my friends and I, it's just me, Jenna, her boyfriend,Jake, Miles, Zach, and Casey. Jenna and Jake are the couple of the year. They are that quarterback-head cheerleader couple that everyone knows is so cleche, but they envy it more than they hate it. I love Jenna, and Jake is a great match for her, they have the same energy, the same vibe. Miles is the queen bee of our little posey. He's out of the closet since first grade and hasn't been afraid to show it. Every girl at our school loves him, but only our group gets him. Zach and Casey are the two socially awkard ones. Zach plays football and Casey- well, is Casey. They've been together since seventh grade- only another perfect example of how stupid I am to never accept dates to the prom from the guys that are just a tad shorter than me.
Our smaller group is my sanctuary. We are all so different, and that's what I love so much about them. Because of the fact that we are all way diferrent, we don't feel the need to cause drama. If one of us needs help or advice, we get a different perspective on the situation instead of the same one from every person, which can be a relief when you are waiting for someone to share your thoughts about it. We're the classic definition of friends and even if I could be one of those overly dramatic, in a relationship girls, with the hot boyfriend and the group of "Friends" that follows me everywhere, I wouldn't want that. I'm under enough pressure with my love life and (Lack of) sexual drive. Added with the pressure at home. And school work. I'll take the easy going friends anyday.
Have I mentioned that I get very easily sidetracked?