How could I tell him? I'd been keeping this from my beloved Dan for weeks. We were at the school disco, slow dancing to a slow song. I had only 2 days left before I had to move to hackney. The thing was if I told him now, he might never forgive me for not telling him the second I knew about it, which was about a year ago, but the worst thing about it was, never seeing his face again.
"Kemi," he whispered in my ear, "I love you."
"What brought that up?" I asked.
"What's wrong with saying I love you to my girl?"
"Nothing, I love you too," I replied with a smile. People may think I am too young to even know what the meaning of love is but I have checked in the dictionary and I am pretty sure that our affection towards each other is more than love itself.
"I know you do." He gave me a peck on the cheek; so soft and tender, his voice spreading a wall of comfort and peace all around me. I rested my head on his shoulder. I loved it when he was with me, it felt like nothing else mattered. I could just open my mouth and just say what was on my mind because I knew I had someone to always listen.
How could I be keeping this one piece of information from him, knowing that this could be the issue that would split us up forever. This would be the last thing he would expect coming from my mouth. Even though we could see each other when I'm gone, I wouldn't be able to keep it up for long because of my studies and my parents would always be on my back if I went out too often instead of concentrating on my work.
We were like the best couple in the school, the Romeo and Juliet. We did everything together.Everyone was always jealous of us. We had been together for 3 years, the longest relationship in our school's history, well as far as I knew, we were. We only had one break up during that period; it was my fault then, my suspicious self and I. When you've bagged yourself the hottest boy in school and you become anxious that some day some thieving little brat would come along and take him away from you, wouldn't you want to back out from it because you wouldn't be able to face the embarrassment? But nowadays I never contemplate like that because he proved to me that nothing like that was ever going to happen.
2 years ago, he came up on stage in our year assembly and announced these exact words, "if any girl here think they can stop me from going out with Kemi,thenyou better think again ‘cause it's never going to happen." Then he turned to me and said, "look Kemi, now everyone knows that I love you and no one else, please, go back out with me."
Every one just stared at me and I just sat there numb on the chair, astounded. A friend whispered, ‘say something,' in my ear.
I slowly stood up and said, ‘of course I will,' and then ran down to the stage to hug him. Amazingly, to my surprise everyone was clapping even the head of year. It was so romantic.
I removed myhead off his shoulder and looked at him. He looked at me. A tear rolled down my left eye. "Babes, what's up, why are you crying?" Dan asked astounded.
"It's nothing, I was just remembering something," I replied.
"Good or bad?" he asked.
"Good, it was just that time when you declared your love to me in assembly, I can't help but remember, it was so...‘Blissfully sweet'," I smiled.
"I did it because I love you and I didn't want you to think that I was exploiting you in anyway," he explained. He kissed me on my forehead and we continued dancing. At that moment, I was the one exploiting him. If I left without telling him, he would think that he fell in love with some impostor who had exploited him for 3 years of his life and he would hate me ‘till eternity. What type of person would that make me? I started to feel guilty. I had to tell him.
"Dan," I whispered really calmly. He stared right into my eyes, like he was ready to listen no matter what I had to say. I continued, "don't say anything just let me finish first," I paused. "You know I said my dad was looking for a job."
"Well, now he owns a legal advice firm in Hackney and my mum has been transferred to Homerton hospital and it's gonna be hard for my mum to pick my brothers up from school and the school would be to far from hackney, so we're..." I couldn't say any more, I couldn't risk losing him. "I'm moving down to hackney for good and I'm moving schools," I said so fast in one deep breath. A tear rolled down my face. He wiped it with his warm fingers. He was totally speechless. "I don't want to go but I have no choice and I don't want to leave you." He held me tight in his arms and he knew there was nothing he could say to change the fact that I was leaving. I had to make the most of my time with him.
For the rest of the disco we didn't say anything about the issue. We just enjoyed each other the best we could.
On the way home he finally said something about the issue. "Even if we can't see each other, I'll have your number and you'll have mine, there's nothing to worry about, and we can chat on msn," he kissed me on the lips, "no matter what happens I'll still love you. Okay?"
"I'll love you too." I said softly. He walked me to the gate and opened it. I walked through it then towards the door. He gave me a short wave as I reached out to put the key in the keyhole of the door. I waved back and went in. I closed the door really gently and stood there for about 30 seconds. I took a deep breath in then out and went into the sitting room where my parents were and my two brothers were playing theirPro Evolution5 on their PS2 console.
"Hello dad, hello mum" I said, putting on a delightful expression on my face.
"How was school?" dad asked.
"Fine," I replied.
"And the disco?" mum questioned.
"It was okay. It was just me and the girls dancing, having a laugh and messing around," I lied. They didn't know I had a boyfriend. I don't know what would happen if they found out but they had seen Dan before. He usually came around with his friends and my friends, up stairs to my room. We just say we had to do work together but we actually chat, laugh about and eat.
A few minutes later, after the family discussion had died down a bit, I ran up stairs to have a rest and a think on my bed. After all, tomorrow was the day I had to pack my things up into big cardboard boxes.
On Sunday, Dan and some friends came round to my house around 10am to see me off. They helped me pack a few things. As Dan and I sat on my bed, he took off his gold ring that he always wore and gave it to me. He never took it off not even for me to wear, ever. It had his full name ‘Daniel' engraved on the inside of the ring but as I looked around the ring I realised that there were more letters, It read ‘Daniel 4 Kemi 4ever'. I was so flabbergasted, "Dan I can't take this," I refused.
"Yes you can. I'm giving it to you, to remember me by," he explained.
"But it means the whole world to you," I argued.
"No, you mean the whole world to me. Now put it on," he requested. I couldn't. It was just too much. He took it from my hand and inserted the ring slowly on my finger. It was the perfect fit. I moved over to kiss him. Then I placed my hand into my pocket, gave him a locket in a shape of an oval, which had 2 pictures of us, one of us kissing and the other of us sitting with our faces really closely together, smiling. We snogged and we hugged, he held me so tight. "It'll be ‘Blissfully sweet' soon. We have to call or text each other everyday to say what we have been up to and maybe we can..." he ensured while we were hugging.
"Kemi!" dad interrupted, "it's time to go."
"We have to go,'' I said on the verge of crying. He let me go. We went down the stairs with the rest of the boxes and put them in the boot of the car. We had to get out of the house so the removal men could get the rest of the furniture out. There was a 10-minute silence between us. We didn't communicate until my dad locked up the front door of the house. "I guess it's time to go," I said and I started crying. The thing that made me know that he was really going to miss me was when he started to cry too. As one tear rolled slowly down his face another would come out his other eye. "Bye Dan, don't forget me," I said as I walked backwards slowly towards the car.
"I won't and I'll call you!" he shouted. As I was about to open the car door he shouted back at me. "Kemz, it will be blissfully sweet." I looked up towards him. The tears came rolling rapidly down my face. Our phrase 'blissfully sweet' rang in my ears. The words we only said to each other and no one else.
"Yeah...soon it will be blissfully sweet," I shouted back and I got into the car.
Dad started the engine straight away. The tears were becoming so heavy. Dan stood at the door while my other friends were stood behind him waving. We waved to each other and mimed the words ‘I love you'. As dad started to drive, I looked out of the window at Dan, as the car started to move he started to move. As the car started to speed up, he started to speed up until he started running after the car and waving. I couldn't help but cry. My heart was palpitating in time with every footstep Dan took. The faster the car went, the further back Dan was, the more I wanted to cry and the more I wanted to be with him.
We did keep in contact for the first 18 months after that. All we ever spoke about was how we missed each other, how much we wanted to be together, what we were up to and what was going on in our lives. We only met up about five times. We both knew we couldn't keep it up regularly, we just became too busy. One day I had to change my phone and sim card. I tried to tell him but I couldn't get through. Every time I called, the operator would say "this number is not available please try again later" or "the number you have dialled has not been recognised please try again" I kept wishing everyday he would try to get in contact, I couldn't help wondering what could have happened. It's not like him to not keep in contact with me for so long. I waited for a weeks after weeks for his call. I guess I had to stop waiting and get on with my life. The hardest thing was getting this fact into my head; I had lost contact with him forever, there was nothing I could do and I had to move on.