Val and I went to the Citadel every 2 weeks, whenever it's our weekend off. It's been almost 2 months that we're "regulars" there. I can also explore the playrooms by myself, as long as I told Val where I was going. Val always made sure to check on me every 30 minutes, I know he's protective of me.
I also spend some time with the knot guy, James. We made out, he taught me how to tie properly. I'm not really into heavy BDSM stuff, no whips, lashes, floggers, canes. Not even spanking. Just plain bondage. He lets me tie him, while I kiss him all over. I let him kiss me, too, but I made sure he knows my hard limits. I just don't want to be touched at this point, intimacy issues.
This is my new diversion. Val is right, I seem to be less stressed. I am more relaxed, more confident. Although loneliness creeps up sometime, but I can handle it much better nowadays. There's no crying episodes for quite some time now.
"Why don't you just ask him out?? You've been staring at him for ages, Christ!"
God, I wish Val could shut up! Hunky jerk might hear us and I would die of embarrassment!! I just shook my head and finished my drink.
"I'll just admire him from a distance, ok? Just let me be!!"
"G, he will not be your knight in shining shit. He might be married, for all you know, so stop that and talk to him!! Just end this misery!!"
That's true, he is the main reason why I'm here at a coffee shop, and I'm not even drinking coffee!! I guess we have the same breaktime, almost always I see him here everyday. Sometimes, he's alone, or he's busy with his laptop, or he's talking to somebody. I haven't seen him with any female though. But Val will surely tell me if he's gay, his gaydar never fails, not yet. Can't he even notice me? Or maybe I'm not his type. Sometimes I thought he was looking my way. There was one time I was tempted to wave at him, I thought he was staring at me. Until Val noticed the new painting that's hanging above my head. Oh, well, what was I thinking? Just like now, it seems that he is staring at me. He keeps on glancing my way, but I know maybe he just feels conscious that someone is watching him.
Okay, so my 15 minutes is up. I'd better go. I have to attend this grand case rounds and I need to wear my glasses so I could see the powerpoint presentation. God, he is really cute. I know the other girls here are also checking him out, but I always get the better view. He always sits on the same spot a few tables across me. Wait, is he staring at me?? I looked to my left and right, there's only this wall to my left, and there's nobody to my right. I looked up, the painting has been here for 3 months now, and I guess he already checked it out since I saw him looking at that a few times. Let me wear my glasses...
Oh my fucking shit...he is staring at me!! He SMILED at me!! I blinked, like maybe 4 or 5 times, and yes, he is also looking at me!! I think I'm gonna fall from my seat. I have been staring at this guy for months, and he KNOWS I am checking him out! I want to disappear, like right now!! There's only one exit, and I have to pass towards him. What am I gonna do?? Lord, take me now.
Val is already heading towards the door, I want to hide behind him. Fuck, Val, wait for me, you idiot! Gah, It's too late, he's already outside. Okay, I can do this. Just walk, Grace, as if nothing happened. I'm looking at the floor at this time. I stole a glance and he's looking at his laptop. Whew!! That was a close call...
I wasn't listening during the whole presentation. I kept thinking about hunky jerk. Wow! I've never been interested in a guy before. Chris was different, he was the one who pursued me. This time, I am the stalker. I had crushes before, but never stared at them for fifteen minutes everyday. I didn't even know his name. Maybe barista Jane knows? Should I make the first move? What if he's not interested? This is really new to me. Tomorrow's coffee break will be exciting, I can't wait to see my hunky jerk again.