"How long have you been married?" I calmly asked. I stopped crying already. I need my strength, or what was still left of it.
He looked stunned. He looked at me intently, and bowed his head.
"5 years ago."
"How many kids you have?"
"I have a daughter."
"Do you have plans to tell me this?"
He sighed, "I don't know...if I did I would lose you..."
I just stared down, looking at my fingers. This is the person whom I planned to give my everything...on his birthday, our anniversary. I trusted him. I want him to own me, to be my first, and I resigned myself with him to be my last. My world revolves around him. He is the center of my universe. I will do everything for him. And I thought he would do the same for me.
I just realized...all the late night phone calls, last minute cancellations of our dates that it took me weeks to plan...wow, I am so STUPID!! How can I not see the signs??
But he introduced me to his parents!! Oh, yup, I was his "friend", we were seen by his parents at a nearby mall. I didn't mind that he let go of my hand at the time, we were not into PDA stuff. Shit, so that's why our dates are mostly out-of-town!! Or he prefers to stay at my house, to think that I actually thought he enjoyed hanging out with me and my family.
This is the beginning of the end. I started crying. I don't wanna hear what he says...it hurts too much.
"I don't love her."
I saw a glimmer of hope. I looked up, our eyes met.
"I want you. Not her."
Please don't do this, Chris, I said to myself. But I don't want to lose him. Am I ready to be his mistress? He said he doesn't love her. He will be a lawyer, soon. Maybe he will file for an annulment. Yes, that's why he wants to be a lawyer!! For me, for us!!
"But my daughter needs a family."
I can't help it, I burst into tears again. How can I take him away from his daughter? I don't hate the child, I am ready to be her stepmom. I am willing to love his daughter because Chris loves her. I will try my best for her to accept me as her dad's true love.
"What are you planning to do with us?" Finally, I asked.
"Nothing will change. We will just wait until they accept us."
What does he mean by that? "So.." I was hoping to hear the word annulment.
"Please don't tell your family about this. They will not let me see you again."
"God, Chris, what do you want me to do?" My heart is about to burst.
"What do you want me to say?"
Right then I realized I had lost the battle. He was never mine, and he will never be.
"I want to go.."
"So, are we ok now?"
Why here? This is our place. I closed my eyes. This is where he first kissed me. We always parked here, overlooking the river, a silent witness to our intimate moments.
"Please don't call me anymore. I..."
"Don't say that, please. I will fix this. Trust me, we will make it work. Give me time to fix this!" He placed his hands to his face. When I looked at him, he is already staring at me, his eyes pleading.