It was never easy for me. Being a kid always included trying. I wanted to be just like my daddy, but he left us when I was nine, so that’s when I became a complete wreck. I guess there are cracks in everyone’s existence, and sometimes those cracks just don’t know when to snap back to reality and bond together.
I went to school, but I never really liked it too much. My mom, always would pick me up early claiming I had a shrink appointment, and just take me to the park. She only did this on rainy days, when all the bad in the world pours out revealing all the good.
“Lex, it’s a miracle isn’t it. All the bad things just seem to float away while you watch the sky cry but remember this is no time to be upset. You have to enjoy and get prepared for the time after all the rain that makes your insides brighten and warm up a whole degree.”
She would say that to me every time we sat on the soaking wet park bench. I would look up at her, almost as if this were scripted, “Mom, could rain make daddy come home?”
Her eyes welled with tears and she would just wipe them away. She looked up at the sky, contemplating what to say back to my naive remark. “Lexi, baby, when it rains, I think anything is possible.”
“I sure hope so.”
My mom, was the best thing that ever happened to me. She could make any situation better. I just wish I could take that last night back. Maybe she’d still be alive…if it wasn’t for me.
FLASHBACK:
“Mom! Dad called and he said he wants to have lunch. He’s actually reaching out to me. Please, mom. Please!”
“Alexis Morgan Davven, what makes you think your fucking father has changed? You’re not having lunch with him. That’s final. I have custody over you and unless you rather go live with him, you’re not going.”
“I’m going to find a way, mom. It’s just too bad for you.”
“Fine, Alexis. Pack your bags and get out of my house!”
“Mom!”
“Alexis!”
“I’m staying the night over at Jenny’s.”
“Maybe by tomorrow you’ll come to your senses that your father will never love you. I love you, and I always will regardless of what you say. He left because he knew we were over.”
“Mom. I just want to be his daughter for an afternoon.”
“No.”
I ran out the door. My mother went to her car and jumped in try to make her way to Jenny’s before I could. She knew we needed time apart. She’d never ever made anything feel worse to me, but she was worried. I saw it in her eyes, and I felt it in her heart.
It was raining outside, and despite what I told my mom about going to Jenny’s I ran to the park bench. I sat there sobbing out my heart.
“Lexi? Is that you?” I look up looking into nothing but shadows.
“Mom?” I say trying to choke back even more tears.
Sorry for the shortness, I didn’t want to just jump through the story. Please leave a comment…..All ideas, criticism, and just comments are welcome!
xoxo Rachael
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