♥ Prologue ♥
I guess one time I was happy. Maybe. A long time ago, before he died. I still have trouble saying his name when I know I'll never say it to his face again.
Sometimes I'll see someone walking down the halls…you know, when I actually go to school…and I'll think it's him. They're got the same generic every day flippy brown hair. You know, like that pop princess…oops, sorry, prince…Justin B.? Or maybe they'll have his green eyes that I was so used to seeing light up when he saw me.
And even sometimes, it will be something as simple as a shirt or even a whiff of cologne. He never wore expensive cologne, but he didn't wear stuff like Axe, either. He would find the strangest stuff that always smelled so good. And yet, I'll catch a gust of college-boy cologne and for a moment, my heart and nose will ache for the scent of that unique fragrance on his well-worn flannel shirts that I could almost taste whenever he would give me a hug.
He wasn't my boyfriend. We had a hard time explaining that to people freshman and sophomore year. He was just my best friend and always was. Maybe we had some feelings more than friendship for each other. But I guess I'll never know if it really would have developed into something more.
Anyway…I really miss him. Yeah, yeah, you find a new best friend and someday, it will be like he never existed. I've heard it all. You're young, you've got all the time in the world to find another best friend. I know it hurts now, but you'll get over it in no time.
Phht. Yeah. No time. That's why I'm still stuck in my room every fucking night, staring at the phone, waiting for him to call me like he did every night since we were twelve. That's why two years later, after he died, when I'm packing up my room to leave for college, I pick up a photo of me and him and want to smash it. That's why when my name was called for graduation, I didn't move because his name was always before mine and I hadn't been expecting my name to be called.
Yeah. I sure got over it.
Author's Notes: As you can see, there's already a fair bit of cursing in this, so if that offends you, please don't read or just replace them in your head with nicer words. This deals with some pretty rough topics for some people. If you look at the tags, you'll see gay, self-harm, depression, rape, and blackmail. Yeah, it really does deal with that stuff. Again, if that offends you, don't read. For those of you that don't mind it, thank you so much for reading, I promise, I will try my hardest to be actually on top of finishing a book for once. I know that I'm notorious for starting something and not finishing, but for once, I have a damn near perfect idea of where this is heading. As for the description, I know it sucks, please don't hurt me. If anyone has a better idea for a description, please, give me it! I suck at summaries. x.x