Outside, the Sky Is Blue
Rhinestone Eyes - The Gorillaz
I sit next to Ben at the basketball game where he decided to accompany his low life friends. People cared about him. The idea of hanging out with them was the worst idea he’d ever had. All that they were was a bunch of dirty jokes and giggles. He'd had his eye on Jimmy, the star player. He would scratch his neck and twitch into the kids direction every once in a while and I knew he was plotting against him. His leg vibrated furiously for most of the game. I just stared forward at a small speck on the ground that’d caught my eye in the beginning of the whole game. I'd finally been able to mustard up enough courage to ask him if he could lend me a dollar or two for pop corn.
With every reaction comes a consequence and I hadn't done a thing. I lift from the bench still minding my own business and I walk through the thick backed up stands paying attention to my own problems and I step down from the stairs of the bleachers. The sky is turning a thick dull grey outside. A clunk and I fall to the ground. My surroundings include a referee calling a foul, the orange basket ball and a parent that had never seen me before. My nose leaks and I quickly stand as the game pauses. It was only a basket ball. I scan around and Ben makes his way to me. He hops from the wall that holds the stands up from the court and his fist flies down tucking away into the center of Jimmy's face.
Adam helps me from the ground and out of the hot sticky gym to the lobby of the building cursing while he holds my head back. His hands shake as he slowly grabs my chin. He tilts my head back even further. His other fingers pinch at my nose. The noise from the encounter inside echo out and Ben walks out looking to me. His hands fumble for tissue and he slams them over my nose.
"You're okay, right?" Adam asks. He wipes his hands on a couple of tissues raising his eye brow at the bloody water fall. I sniffle back a bit of the blood looking to the ceiling to ignore the two.
"Why don't you guys just pretend that you never saw that picture?" I suggest pushing Ben's hand from my face. He turns from me and folds his arms. Adam rests beside me and pulls his phone from his pocket. He settles on the table and scoffs at my suggestion.
"Why don't we all just grab a bite then see the movie?" he suggests.
"I don't want to see that fucking movie." I scoff. Ben turns to me and walks closer.
"Are you suicidal?" He asks his voice is low and cautioned. I pinch my nose harder. The blood drops onto the tissue. My body was trying hard to free itself from the pain.
"We can grab an ice cream and if we leave now we can maybe make a marathon or two." he adds Ben looks to him.
"Sounds like a plan." I add in as quickly as the words will leave my face. He was seconds from blowing things out of proportion. We load into Ben’s car and start up the road. There was this thin cloudy layer that lived in his car. It tangled into your hair making you smell like poisoned smoke and crackers. I wipe my nose trying to free myself of that smell. I sit in the back joining the two in silence. My silence was quieter though because I was so use to be silent alone. I was so use to it that it was normal. It was normal enough to make me feel sane which was rare because everyone else around me appeared to be as sane as I wasn’t. Adam scrolls through his phone. His eyes glance back at me. His blue eyes were like ice. I’ve hated staring at them since I met him. I feel like they are literally ice. They slowly freeze along with everything that they bring into visions and this was perhaps one of the first time they’d had a chance to freeze me. They made me so cold that I grew chills. I run my hand over my goose bumps and I look from him. We’d held a momentary connection as our eyes looked into each other but his pulled deeper through me and I would know because when I decided to look back up into his blue bulbs, he was still staring. Ben absolutely sucked at staring at people. His grey-green eyes dulled everything around them out. I didn’t see what the rush for him was when it came to other girls because he looked like he was dropped from a tree. His facial hair made him look dirty and misused and his big nose mirrored mine and to me, it looked swollen. His eyes drooped like my father’s and his voice was the most annoying voice I’d ever been subject to interacting with. He had this big stupid face that sparked a fire in me every time I had to see it. Not a passionate fire or an interesting fire but the one that symbolizes your lose for everything you’d ever had or loved. But, I loved that fire because it brought every new thing that you get after that fire.
"Do you think it'd be okay with your folks if I stayed the night?" Adam asks.
"Do they ever mind?" Ben's voice was dying. It was starting to shrivel up making it sound worse than ever. I slide to the middle seat for a better view of the road. Adam types in words and looks back at me. "What time does the movie start?" he sounds like he's croaking, much like a frog lives in his vocal cords.
"It starts in like, an hour and a half." Adam tells us. He clears his throat. "Hey, do you mind if I invite a couple of other friends?" Ben tightens around the wheel pulling forward.
"Not a problem." he replies. I pull to the trunk of his car and I pull out my book bag. A small foundation kit finds my fingers. I pull off my jacket all the while digging through my bag for a glue stick that's wrapped in pencil shavings and has its wrapper peeling from around it. I pull it to the cut Melony'd caused earlier today. My body freezes as if I'm not actually going to cover it up and I look forward to see Adam fingering through music stations. I plaster the glue on over the cut cringing at it pulling my skin open. It was stupid but it’d be awesome for people to know that Ben had a normal sister. I stopped cutting in places people could see a long time ago. She'd totally ruined it for me. I finally finish and I pull the foundation over it. He looks back at me. Adam yanks my arm forward smiling at me.
"Where do they get that from?" I shrug as I pull my arm back. "Your sister doesn't cut herself." I look to Ben as he relaxes in his seat. He looks back at me and I tilt my head to the side. My stringy curls slide down to tap the free skin on my arm and I shiver as it tickles the freckled goose bumps.
"Do you think you could drop me off at home?" I ask Ben sinking into my seat. I pull my bang from my face to see him clinch up around the wheel.
"Why can't you just hang out with us? I want you to have some friends you know?" he taps on the wheel as Adam plugs his phone into the car stereo. I shiver feeling him turn to me. He freezes me more and I suck my lip in between my teeth to bite it. A soft beat picks up on a bass. He turns to Ben as the smile grows to his face. I sit back in the seat letting my head fall to look down at the red lines on my skirt. I trace them with my index finger pulling over its ridges.
"I just really don't feel like doing stuff today." I mumble to him searching for a legitimate reason for me to actually go home to be alone.
"You'll have fun…" Adam adds nonchalantly. "Hey, Ben, think you could stop by Angela's on the way. She wants to come."
"Yeah." he is eases. I throw my things back into my bag and I throw the bag back on top of the crap in Ben’s trunk.
"You said Melony cuts earlier." Adam states. "Why?" I don't know, maybe she wanted to feel numb or something. She could literally be holding a loaded gun to her head and I could still call her bluff. "I mean, if I was gonna do something that stupid, I'd wait until my body felt at least a little stupid." he scoffs. He pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and looks to Ben. He cared them around like they were a lucky charm. They stuck to the seams in his pocket since the day he could buy them. Before he and Ben would steal them from my father’s office all of the time but they could only take as many as my father wouldn’t notice. "You gotta light?" Ben fiddles around in his pocket some and hands Adam his silver lighter which was a momentum of him turning eighteen. I knew he smoked cigarettes and did drugs and drank alcohol I just never hung out with him enough to care. Instead, he'd try to bother me by calling me 'Pancie-Poo' I stopped caring after a while. I guess he would love to just fight with me sometimes. I just don't like to fight because every time I feel defeated, I feel like they're going to “off” me and a part of me actually wants them to do it. Adam clears his throat and looks back at me. "Have you heard of the 'Purple Phase'?" he asks the two of us. I shrug and tuck my bang behind my ear my hair slides back down onto my face. He clears his throat again and scoffs. "Ricky Waddell put a link to it and its making people upset." he scoffs and he puts his phone into my brother’s cup holder.
The car stops in front of giant metal gates that hold a mansion behind it. I groan as a small shadow nears the car. Out skips a girl and my brother scratches his chin. It isn’t Angela. It’s a blonde with flowing brown hair. She was one of those perfect girls you’d run into every once and a while. I could feel it in her walk. She rocked her head side to side and swung her arms freely. I look to been and I can feel him thinking. He looks into the rear view mirror then to the girl. She gets into the car and pulls a tube of makeup from her purse.
"I thought I was picking up Angela?" Ben croaks. He scratches his shaggy hair and looks back at me rotating his jaw. I smile at him and I pull a piece of hair up to play with my lip.
"She’s coming." the girl adds spreading the lipstick onto her face. Angela walks out sweeping her hair from her face. She smiles at Ben and gets into the back on my side of the car. The first girl looks over to me and smiles. "Oh, I didn't see you there." she cries. How could she not have seen me? I roll my eyes then I lean onto the back of the seat dangling my head over.
“You saw her.” Ben scoffs. “What’s up Ange?”
"I could just punch Jimmy in the face." Angela scoffs. "Your sister is so cute! How could he bully her like that." she cries leaning onto Adams seat to look up at my brother. I was the same age as her if not, older. I don’t understand how she could find me ‘cute’. She stares at him as he ignores her. She was only trying to flatter him with being nice to me but, he was always mean to me anyways. She stares forward at him as he ignores her. Her lips are parted softly. She is in a trance. He looks back at her making her twitch back into her seat. "How old are you Penny?" I look to her as my name rolls from her mouth perfectly.
"Sixteen." I mouth. The words come out softer but eager to the fact that her questions are being directed to me.
"Hey, why don't we skip the movies and go to the dock. My brother gave me something before he left for school." The girl asks. I chew the inside of my cheek rolling my eyes to Ben. Go to the dock instead of the movies? I’d been around the two and their friends all day and they all said they liked easy girls but, what do they substitute for? They substitute as momentary contentment. She would have been better off just saying ‘let’s go to the dock and have unprotected sex outside because my parents are way too strict to let me do it at home’. I roll the small strands of hair between my fingers sighing at her eagerness.
"Dude, we aren't doing anything while we're with my sister." I bite my lip and roll my eyes from him. ‘There’s no way I’m having sex with you guys in front of my sister.’
"You can't keep her sheltered forever." the girl adds. "Besides, she doesn't have to do anything, it'll be fun." she coos. ‘I’m desperate Ben’
"Please Ben." Angela asks. I scoff at her and I look to Ben again. My mouth slides open slightly. He looks back at me and turns his car around. ‘So am I… I’m very desperate.’
"Just make sure nothing happens to my sister." he groans. He runs his hand down his face. I look to Angela who is content staring at him. The girl passes a small bag forward to Adam smiling as his hand grazes hers.
"What's this?" he asks. ‘I’m going to ruin my life tonight.’
"It's a couple of bars." she chuckles. ‘Of course you will but I could care less about you *laughs* it’ll be awesome.’ She digs deep into her purse and hands him a flask. She liked it every time she touched her. She liked everything that came out of his mouth. He takes the two pills back looking back at me. His eyes are less valuable as the pill simmers down into his body. I no longer felt the least bit intimidated by them. Now, they were only dull blue icy eyes. We stop at the dock and looked around. Blue spilled over into the purple sky. I yawn and sit back in my seat as they turn on the music. I stop as Adam peers forward to the sky.
"Outside, the sky is blue."