I was hurt when Caylee changed her mind about me staying the
night with her after Aunt Alice said I could. But when we walked
home Aunt Alice sat me down on the couch. "Ashton, I know it's
hard on you. Finding out she's expecting and then she lost it.
But you have to be there for Caylee. You have to accept her
decisions and if she needs space then she needs space. It's hard
on her too." Aunt Alice said "I know. I just hate that I can't do
anything for her." I said "Honey, you are. Giving her the space
she needs. No more sex until you're married." Aunt Alice said
"Deal." I said and then I kissed her good-night. But of course I
knew sleep was out of the question for me.
Chelsea came in my room not long after "How is she?" I
asked "She went inside with Lauren. She's in her room now.
Lauren is in there too. But you know with Hope she can't stay.
She's taking it hard." Chelsea said "But she didn't even want a
baby now." I said "She didn't. But it's something after you see
the baby on the screen. You fall in love." Chelsea said "I just
want to help her." I said "Right now she can't be around you. I
don't even know how she is going to act around Maddie, Hope, and
Kyle." Chelsea said "It's hard. I know. It's hard on me too." I
said "I know. I'm here for you." Chelsea said and I smiled at her
"Thanks." I said and she hugged me good-night.
I had a rough night of sleep. Hoss stayed by my side and I
couldn't really sleep at all. I was off and on. I tried talking
to Caylee but I knew she wouldn't talk to me. I love her and I
care about her but I know Caylee needs her space. I went to the
gym because I couldn't sleep. I had to work off the steam. After
I worked out at the gym, I went on a jog with Hoss. I was going
to keep my mind busy until Caylee is ready to talk to me but I
know it will be awhile and I will accept that. Caylee and I will
work through this, we will survive this. I just know we will do
After they left I went to my room and Lauren followed me. I
changed into my pajama bottoms and a tanktop and I curled up in
the bed and I started bawling my eyes out. Lauren being the best
friend she is, she got up on the bed with me and she wrapped her
arms around me. "I'm here for you." Lauren said and I looked at
her through teary eyes "I blame myself." I whispered. "Why?"
Lauren asked me, I could tell she didn't want to push it.
"Because if I wasn't dancing these past three weeks maybe the
baby would have lived. I mean, I would have dealt with the baby.
I would have given up my dreams, and just take over the dance
studio now. But I danced, I was stupid. I lost the baby." I said
"Caylee-bug, it doesn't mean that you lost the baby." Lauren
said "What makes you so sure?" I asked "I just know. I need to
be with Anderson. But if you need me, come in there. We won't be
having sex." Lauren said and I giggled.
I'm at a hospital now, I'm looking at the nursery and I see
a man that I remember so clearly. He's tall, muscular looking, he
has icy blue eyes and brown hair. He's looking at a baby crib. I
go closer to see what he is looking at. "My Caylee-bug. Your
daddy is going to protect you so much. You are my beautiful
angel. Jason will protect you too. He will be jealous though."
The man said and then I got closer to the baby and it was me, my
icy blue eyes and brown curly hair. "Daddy?" I asked and he
looked at me "Caylee." He said softly in the tone he used when I
was hurt. "I miss you daddy." I said and he embraced me in his
arms. "It was a boy." My dad said softly "Was I the reason?" I
asked "No, it would have happened even if you didn't dance." My
dad said "I feel so terrible." I said "Honey bun that's natural."
It jumps to me being in a dance studio. The dance studio my
dad built for me. "Do you like Ashton, daddy?" I asked "Yes I do
baby. He's a good guy. I know Jason is watching out for you." My
dad said and I flashed him a smile. "I'm proud of you Caylee.
Juillard. I knew you would do it." He said "Thank you daddy. I
just wish you could actually be there." I said "I'm everywhere
you are. Your Grandma is proud of you too." My dad said and I
smiled at him "Daddy, do you have to go so soon?" I asked, I
sounded like a little girl but I couldn't help it. "Yes my
Caylee-bug. I love you." He said hugging me "I love you too
daddy." I said.
I woke up and I couldn't go back to bed. My dream felt so
weird. It felt like I was talking to my dad. Sassy curled up with
me and I pulled my Ipad out and just stayed on that until it was
five am. I went jogging with Sam and then I came home to find
Sophia up with Maddie. "Maddie couldn't sleep." Sophia said "My
Maddie Girl!" I said and Maddie giggled at me softly "How are you
feeling?" Sophia asked me "I don't feel that great. But I'm
hanging in there." I said and Sophia smiled at me "I'm here if
you need or want to talk." Sophia said "Thanks." I said softly
and Sophia looked at me "I'm going to go up to my room." I said
"Honey, don't wallow too much." Sophia said "I won't. I promise."
I said and Sophia smiled at me. I kissed Maddie's forehead before
Aunt Penny walked into my room around nine with Riley "Cay,
okay?" Riley asked me "yes I am. Thank you." I said and Riley
giggled at me "Can I kiss you?" Riley asked "No, I'm kissing
you." I said and I kissed Riley on the cheek. "How are you
feeling?" Aunt Penny asked me "Not so good." I said "I had a
miscarriage. In between Jacob and Bailey. It's not the easiest
thing to go through. But you have family and Ashton." Aunt Penny
said "Thank you." I said and she sat up in the bed with me "You
can wallow in your self-pity or you could enjoy life." Aunt Penny
said and I got up and placed Riley on my hip. When we went
downstairs, Ashton was there along with the gang. I hugged Ashton
and then I picked up Hope who was in her swing "how are you
feeling darling?" Lauren asked me "I"m hanging in there." I said
and Lauren smiled at me "I was waiting for you to come in the
room last night but you never did." Lauren said and I smiled "I
didn't want to bug you." I said "Oh you are never ever bugging
me." Lauren said and I smiled at her.