I hadn’t seen Arianne for about three days now. I just couldn’t face her. How come everything that I try to make better, turns out horribly wrong? No matter how hard I tried? Ahh.
I closed my eyes and took in the solitude of my silent dorm room while resting on my bed. To think, I could be out with Arianne right now; laughing, teasing, smiling, and loving. But I had blown that chance. TWICE! I started to smack my head on my desk, where Idecided to move to. The beating followed the rhythm of my thoughts…. So. Stupid. So. Stupid. So. Stupid. So stupid.Then I heard a knocking. At first, I honestly thought it was my brain jiggling around from the constant juggling, but then the knocking became louder and more urgent. What the crap?
I rushed over to my door, afraid that it was Jameson, telling me that we needed to run because my enemies had found me!!! But when I opened the door, I found that it wasn’t Jameson. It was just Arianne. ARIANNE!?!?!? I felt my jaw drop. "Arianne?" I murmured, thinking she might be a ghost! (These last few days had really taken a toll on me…) However, before she said anything I found my entire chest and stomach burning from her body, which she rapidly placed against me. Her arms were around my back and I stood still; the thought of Arianne actually hugging me not yet registering in my mind!
Slowly, I began to process it and my arms gradually wrapped around her strong but delicate body. Could it be?!?!? Was my princess really embracing me? I found she was mumbling something into my chest and the vibrations of her voice sent chills down my body.
"What?" I asked, unable to hear her mumbled words. Arianne looked up at me and I saw small tears running down her face. Before I knew it my hand flew up and wiped some of them off. I couldn’t stand to see her like that. It broke my heart.
"I said," Arianne repeated taking a breath, "I’m sorry that I doubted you. I should have believed you but I was just too stubborn to actually let myself. Sophia just told me everything, and I feel like such a freak for treating you that way. I’m so sorry, Freddie-"
"It’s okay, Arie, it’s okay!" I soothed. I would ALWAYS forgive her. No matter what. Arianne’s lips were pouty and looking delicious and after her apology was over, I found myself wanting to do nothing more than kiss her. I silently brought my other hand to her face and wiped off the remaining tears with my thumb. Her face felt so good, so right in my hands. Our eyes connected and once they did, I knew it would be torcher to break free. I could feel Arianne breathing heavier and my face grew closer to hers as my eyelids grew heavier.
My body was being shot with electricity as I felt her breath on my now parted lips. My mouth was beginning to burn, knowing the only solution was to bring her lips to mine. Then, in one final movement I connected our mouths with victory. I was wrong. The feeling made my lips burn more, not less, and I could feel her trembling as I kissed her; gently at first but then increasing into a faster, more sensual dance.Our kiss seemed to make her stronger and she finally brought her hands from my waist and placed them behind my head. I felt her fingers entwined in my hair and I removed my hand from her face then placed it on her back. Her body felt so good in mine, and it wasn’t awkward in the least. I pulled her closer to me, like she wasn’t close enough, like the world was about to end and she was my life source.
Suddenly, just as quickly as the kiss had started, it ended. I don’t know which one of us ended it; maybe it was both of us, but I knew for sure that I was starting to get way too into it. This poor girl probably couldn’t breathe because I was suffocating her…but I couldn’t help it! I can’t believe I actually did that. Watch, just watch, I probably screwed up, yet again, because I wasn’t man enough to control myself!
But joy replaced my fear. She was still panting lightly, something that really wasn’t good for me to see her do, but I held back. She looked too peaceful right now. I couldn’t mess with that. For a really long time we just stared into each other’s eyes. She had this strange look in her hazel ones… it looked to me like she was overwhelmed for more than one reason… I suddenly smiled because I knew exactly how she felt. From this point on I could feel it. We were going to be okay…together.
After thatkiss -which I must say was an 11 on the scale of one to five- Freddie and I were nearly inseparable. We did everything, aside from taking classes together; but as soon as that bell rang, I knew where I was going. To meet Freddie in the courtyard. We did every day. He was even the best boyfriend a girl could possibly ask for. The night after we kissed he took me out to dinner and properly asked me to go steady. Of course, I agreed and that day turned out to be one of the best I’d had in my life. Life was going so well! I was back on track with volleyball, my grades were back to normal, and I now had a best friend and an amazing boyfriend. All in one!
There was only one thing that troubled me about our relationship.I knew when Freddie was telling the truth. His eyes always held something that I couldn’t read. And when did that look come? When he talked about his life before coming to Harvard; he never looked me in the eye and his voice became huskier than normal. He was definitely trying to hide something, and it nearly drove me crazy trying to figure it out.
He told me that his parents abandoned him when he was about four. He couldn’t remember anything from that time except for being found and taken care of by a wonderful old woman who found him alone in a park the day his parents left. They had told him they would be going for a little walk and that he could stay there and play with the other children until they got back. But they never did. Night fell over the park and gradually, Freddie told me he remembered all of the people fading from his sight as the hours went by. Then, he saw an old woman from afar. He ran over and told her that he was scared; his parents had gotten lost. She told him that he could stay at her house, and that night turned into 15 years.
After high school, he said that he started working right away, in a law office in the city he lived in. From then on with the money he saved from working throughout his life and the money his ‘mamma’ had saved, he was able to get a numerous amount of loans and attend Harvard.The story had seemed shaky to me at first; an old woman and three years of working at an office got you into Harvard in the middle of the semester? It didn’t sound quite right… but maybe it was just me. I proceeded to ask him more about it, but he told me it was too painful. I agreed to drop it, but the lurking feeling of dishonesty never fully left my soul.
This wasn’t the only thing that troubled me, however. As time went on and school grew nearer to thanksgiving break, I happened upon Freddie making numerous phone calls. This, obviously, isn’t the thing that worried me. Please, I’m not an insane girlfriend. It was the fact that whenever I walked into the room, he almost always freaked out and hurriedly disconnected the call. Then, he tried to act all suave and amazing, for the purpose of distracting me. For example, one time:
It was Saturday morning and Freddie and I always went out for breakfast. It had become an unwritten law in our relationship and it was his turn to choose where we went so I went to his dorm. When it was my turn, he came over to me. We had long since used the customary knocking and decided to walk in without notice. It was working excellently for both of us; until that day…I carefully turned the knob and opened the door silently, making sure Freddie wasn’t still sleeping. I was about to walk in when I heard Freddie talking. My first thought was that my silly boyfriend was talking to himself, but when I heard the content of his conversation my ears perked up.
"Yes, all is going well. No, so far we haven’t had any trouble. No, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t suspect anything; she’s very good at trusting me. No of course not, I made up some bit about my parents abandoning me. Yes I do, maybe even more than that. Of course I’m sure!" Freddie answered, his tone becoming harsher. Then, as if reconsidering who he was talking to he stuttered (something I had never really heard him do before.). "I- I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking about the situation a lot lately. Yes, I know I’ll have to tell her something but…now’s not the right time. Look, sir, I need to disconnect. She’ll be coming over any minute. Out." Then he hung up. I heard him sigh and was quite frankly speechless before I opened the door and pretended to be happy.
The second after Freddie saw me, he knew something was wrong. He crossed the room and gave me a delicious morning kiss (which aided in waking me up, so you know) and brought me into a tight hug. "What’s wrong, doll? Did you have another dream about your mom?" I shook my head. I had told him about her; he was my boyfriend. I loved him. Why wouldn’t I? I still couldn’t speak from the shock of finding out such a thing, so I just shook my head.
"What’s wrong then?" He looked so worried. I could see it in his eyes.
Wrong?!? Who were you saying all those dreadful things to on the phone?
"Nothing." I said, finally finding my voice. "Who were you on the phone with?" My thoughts finally surfaced and I lost that connection with him. I felt his muscles stiffen under my touch and he looked at me strangely. "How much did you hear?"
"Oh, just when you said ‘out’ and hung up." He seemed to relax. Was I really that good of an actress?
"My ‘mamma.’" He grinned. "She called me today wondering how I was doing, and how you were. I told her about you, you know? She said she likes you just from my description." I smiled a little and tried to look happy. My insides boiled as I remembered back to the phone conversation. He had referred to the person he was talking to as ‘sir.’ Mamma? I think not. Freddie lifted up my chin with his thumb and softly stroked the skin. "Are you sure you’re ok? Do you want to skip breakfast today?"
I shook my head. "Where do you want to go, today?" From that point on, he seemed to accept my attitude as being tired so the whole way down to his truck, he had his arm around my waist. It left a burn mark. At first, my conscience nabbed and prodded me about the conversation, making me lose sleep, but then I forced myself to trust him; it was the least I could do. Freddie would never lie to me. But, then again, he just told whoever he was talking to that he did lie.
Thanksgiving time rolled around and we discussed what we were going to do for the holiday. I knew how he felt about me; he had told me on countless occasions, but I also knew that neither of us could stand to leave each other’s side for even just four days. "Do you want to go see ‘mamma?’" I asked one day when we were discussing it.
"No!" he said, almost too loud. "She’s-uh- in Phoenix. With her…nephew. Jake."
"Oh." I pretended to muse. "I know! Let’s go to Phoenix too! She’d probably love to see you!"
"Doll, I don’t think that’s a very good idea…" Freddie said, shifting his eyes away from mine and taking my hands. He seemed to know that if he touched me, in any way, then I would be his forever… so he used this to his advantage. However, this time I would not be swayed.
"Why not? You said yourself that she likes me already, and I desperately want to meet her. Especially after all the things you’ve told me about her…"
"Arie!" Freddie said loudly, stopping me. I looked at him with big eyes, pretending to be stupid. Did he really think I was? "Can’t we just go see your aunt and uncle?"
So that’s what we did. I shut up about the matter and before you knew it, Freddie and I were on the plane headed for Auntie Claire and Uncle Ben’s quaint little farm in Minnesota.
When we arrived, both myself AND Freddie were smothered with kisses and love. My relatives were known for their warm welcome and I could feel that Freddie was relaxed and I was glad. When he was relaxed, I was relaxed. My uncle took charge of Freddie, grabbed his bags and pulled him into the house without a word of protest from my gorgeous boyfriend. All he did was look back at my aunt and I, and give me one of those forest fire smiles.
Just as we were about to go into the house, my auntie Claire stopped me. "There’s something ailing you, lil' bug. What is it?"
"How did you know?" I asked. I had literally just arrived.
"It’s in your eyes. Does Freddie see the concern written all over your face? Because it’s pretty obvious. There’s something big buggin’ ya, and you need to get it off your chest. Come on lil’ bug. Let’s get to your room."
I nodded solemnly. It was bugging me. More than I wanted it to. A tear formed in my eyes as we walked up the stairs.
~UGH!IHATEBOOKSIE! lol. I'm sorry the format is driving me crazy; acting up and what not. So I really do apoligize if it's not very easy to read. I tried. ISWEAR. Itried. lol.
Hope you Enjoy! Tell me your thoughts, please. Ican take critisism. =D
OHhhh yes! And by the way, 'mamma' isn't pronounced like mama. It's ma- ( 'a' as in apple) mah. =) Just thought I'd let you know, because it really does make a difference!=) ~