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Clinging to the Closet Door (boyxboy)

Novel By: teampeeta99
Romance



TRIGGER WARNING: attempted suicide, bulimia, and depression. If you think this will trigger you, please please please do not read this.
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Hayden and Jace are best friends. Finally in their last year of High School, all that’s on their mind is winning the school their first ever football trophy. Well, that’s all that’s on Jace's mind. Hayden's mind is elsewhere. All he's thinking about is how he's going to tell Jace that he's gay.
When Hayden's dad plans an unexpected trip to Lake Michigan for the rest of the summer, Hayden and Jace are forced to share a room. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if Hayden wasn't in love with Jace, or if Jace wasn't discovering that he just might love Hayden back…
Clinging to the Closet Door showcases love between two guys. One that knows he's gay and has come to terms with it, and the other that still hasn't wrapped his head around it, and is "Clinging to the Closet Door"
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I'd rather you be safe and happy than read my story. If you think you'll be even slightly triggered by this story, don't read it. If you need to talk to someone, you can ALWAYS send me a message right on my Booksie account, or if you want to talk privately, you can ask for my email. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'll always listen to you.
Brandi x View table of contents...


Chapters:

1 2 3 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Submitted:Jul 26, 2012    Reads: 156    Comments: 21    Likes: 4   


VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!

Chapter Seven…

Song of the chapter: Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance (totally random, I just like that song)

Jace's Point of View

What the hell was that? I'm. Not. Gay.

I stared at the textured ceiling, shutting my eyes tight and wishing I could die. Maybe just for the day. Maybe I could see if heaven really does exist. And if it does, maybe I should start going to church with my parents, and actually start believing in all the bullshit the preachers spew out of their mouths on a daily basis. No, it would probably be too late for that.

I laid there for nearly an hour, chanting "I'm not gay" to the ceiling, as if it could hear me, and reassure me that, yes indeed, I'm not gay.

After Hayden had caught me trying to eavesdrop, he'd begged me to buy him a new Crappaccino. Something about his old one being "sad and depressed". I'd agreed reluctantly, paying for it and handing it to him. Just as his fingers touched the cup, I'd yanked it back and smirked at him.

I had wanted to see what it tasted like, so I casually took a sip. I'd made a face at the gross drink and quickly placed it in his outstretched hand. He took it and happily started sucking it from the straw, a slight blush on his cheeks.

The unbelievable part? I actually got turned on. Turned on by a guy, Hayden no less. It's just, he looked so adorable back at the ice-cream place. I didn't make a big deal out of it—not in front of Hayden, anyway—just muttered "I need to get laid" and left it at that.

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, staring intently at my pillow. In the hallway, I heard a quiet thud and then a "God dammit!" that came from none other than Gavvy. A thought struck me. I swiftly jumped off of my bed, landing on my feet. As quickly as I could without looking strange, I ran to the door and out to where Gavvy was nursing her stubbed toe, an irritated expression on her face.

When she heard my door open, she looked up, causing me to smile politely.

"Hey," I said smoothly, sitting down in the middle of the hallway, right next to her. She nodded in greeting. "Where is everyone?"

She grimaced. "Taryn kicked me out of the room so that she and Hayden could gossip like fools. God knows what they're talking about. They've been in there for three hours. And when I tried to come in, just to get my bikini, Taryn threw a shoe at me." True to her word, there was a small bruise forming on her left arm.

I laughed, when in reality I was freaking out. I was in my room for three hours? Beating myself up over something that probably doesn't mean anything? Still, I came there for a reason, and I was going to get what I wanted.

We sat for almost two minutes, in complete silence. It wasn't too uncomfortable. Finally, she said something. "Out with it," She demanded. I stared at her, confused. "You heard me. Tell me what's wrong."

"Oh, I don't know. Just that I've gone exactly a week without any kind of sex. I'm not used to that. I get it every day back at home. Sometimes even t—" She burst out laughing.

"That’s why you're upset? I thought it would be something worth worrying about. Like, I don't know, falling in love with Taryn or something," She paused, thinking something over. "But… I could help you with your little… Problem."

I brightened up, never feeling more desperate than I was in that moment.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I thought that I'd have to take you out to dinner or something. Come on, my room is empty." She trailed behind me as I opened my door for her. She giggled.

"Well, now that you mention it… Dinner would be nice."

I raised my eyebrows at her, stopping in my tracks. "Nope. It's either now or never. Make up your mind. I can always just go and find someone on the beach. Now that it stopped raining there are plenty more people out there," I noticed that she looked out the window, and shrugged when she realized that there were indeed far more girls out there than yesterday.

"Fair enough. Lock the door." She smirked.

Sex with Gavvy was… Interesting.

I couldn't shut off my mind, my thoughts just kept popping up randomly. When she was undressing, all I could think about was what I would do for a Klondike bar. When she finally got in the damn bed, all I could think about was why girls find Justin Bieber talented. And when we finished, all I could think about was how badly my mom would react if I told her I was an Atheist.

But sex is like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty damn good.

She disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes, and then came back to my room fully dressed. She only stayed for a few seconds, long enough to say that she was on birth control, and then she left. I stared at the ceiling for a second, whispering "I'm not gay", and then getting dressed.

I picked up the sheets and put them in the washing machine, replacing them with identical ones so that Hayden would never know. For good measure, I found a Febreeze bottle and sprayed the room with it. I gagged when I found out that the scent was lavender. The room smelt like an old-lady's armpit.

"What the fuck? Who bought this shit?" I muttered to myself, surveying the room to make sure Gavvy didn't leave anything behind.

I felt slightly guilty for not telling Hayden, but what would I say? "Oh, Hayden, we're out of milk, eggs, and I fucked Gavvy in your bedroom." Or "Hayden, let's have a long talk about our feelings. Let's talk about why I fucked Gavvy." He's gay, not that gay. Although with all the so-called 'gossiping' he was doing with Taryn, I was starting to rethink that.

Tired of sitting around doing nothing, I crossed the hallway to Taryn and Gavvy's room, banging on the closed door loudly. "I'm bored!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I heard someone—most likely Taryn— throw something at the door and tell me to shut up.

"No! You guys have been in there for eternity! You forced me to be all alone!" I heard Gavvy's laugh coming from the living room. I guess since we… Had sex… (Still not proud of that) we had some kind of secret to laugh about together.

Taryn sighed loudly, making sure I was able to hear it, and then stalked to the door and whipped it open. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Is Hayden in there, like, trapped in a cage or something?" I asked, trying to look around the corner to see him, but Taryn only cracked the door slightly, not letting me see inside. She growled—literally growled— and shook her head no.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Déjà vu," I muttered, thinking of my ex-girlfriend Shelly. She was a total bitch on her period. I'm assuming that it's Taryn's time of the month, she's normally slightly vicious, but not this vicious. "Dude, just let me see what you guys are doing."

She glared at me, full-force. "If it means that much to you, we are talking about things. Things that you wouldn't want to know about."

I gave her a wary look and nodded, knowing I wouldn't be able to get past her. "Yeah. Um, ok then. When you're done tell Hayden, I'll be in my room."

"Ok!" She chirped, suddenly happy. "I'll tell him!" Then she slammed the door in my face. I scoffed and walked back to my old-lady's-armpit-smelling room.

Hayden came out of the room looking slightly happier than he'd been before talking to Taryn. It made me jealous thinking about how I couldn't make him that happy. But as soon as I thought that, I forced myself to think about something else. Why should I have gotten jealous over something like a twin to twin talk? I'm too possessive. Yeah, too possessive. Possesiveness has nothing to do with attraction…

For dinner, Hayden's dad just made us Kraft macaroni and cheese. Pretty gross, but I didn't complain. His dad didn't stay around long before going back to his room to do some work on his laptop and then go to sleep. "So, what are the plans for tonight?" I asked. Gavvy, Taryn, and Hayden all looked at me questioningly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Seriously? We have to go somewhere. Pull an all-nighter or something," I then began thinking out loud. "There's that kid's playground right next to the ice-cream shop. I brought my fake ID so I could get beer and we can just chill there."

Gavvy jumped up, squealing. "Oh! We can stay there until early morning, and then we'll come back before Mr. Anderson wakes up."

I nodded. "So…? You guys want to?" The girls nodded, but Hayden looked uneasy.

"What if someone catches us? We could get in serious trouble for one," He held up one finger. "Having a fake ID. Two, buying alcohol with it. And three, for drinking it in public, where children play!"

"But we can only get in trouble if we get caught." I pointed out.

"You need to loosen up, Hayden. You worry too much." Taryn patted his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"You guys don't worry enough!" He cried. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend the night in jail. Do you know how mad my dad would be? We'd never get to come here again! It'd be back to Utah for us, where everyone would know us as the stupid immature kids that got sent to jail for a night!"

Looking outside, it was starting to get dark. "Please?" I begged. "I'll do anything for you."

Something flickered in Hayden's eyes, and Taryn burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. They shared a look and then Hayden laughed too. Must've been some kind of twin-telepathy or something. "Guys," I whined, looking outside again. "It's already getting dark. At night is when the scary people start running the liquor store, and I don't want to get caught with a fake ID. It's now or never!" I repeated.

Hayden sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm going to regret this…" He sighed.

The girls squealed and pulled him into a hug, Gavvy even kissed him on the cheek. I shook my head and half-smiled. "You guys put whatever you want to bring in a bag, I'll get the beer." I announced, making sure to keep my voice down so that I didn't wake up Hayden's dad. "Anyone want anything else while I'm there?" I laughed.

"Oh! Buy a Frisbee!" Gavvy cried. I gave her a weird look but nodded.

"Gav, I was thinking more along the lines of, you know, do you want vodka, tequila, liquor, Scotch, or some other kind of alcohol…" I laughed at her pouting face.

"I don't know. Where did you even get the money for it?" She asked. I tapped my lips in a "secret" motion. She shrugged and nodded. "Um, just get whatever you can afford. But make sure you get vodka."

"I can't believe you invited them." I deadpanned at Taryn. She held her hands up in surrender.

"Sorry! But I just saw them sitting on their porch, and I had to invite them! They looked bored."

"Then let them be bored! Don't let them ruin our night!"

She frowned. "I'm sorry. But I can't just tell them to leave…" She glanced over at the Kirsten, Levi, and Hannah who were all sitting underneath the playground equipment with Hayden and Gavvy. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I cleared my throat and gestured towards the truck.

"Fine. Whatever. You're damn lucky I bought extra. Help me carry it out."

Cases after cases of beer were set underneath the playground equipment, where there was a small playhouse for the children. We put all the alcohol in there, and sat just outside of it, practically guarding it. I bought a lot. Taryn brought the cups, and Gavvy brought the entertainment.

"Ok, what should we do first?" She asked.

I laughed, "Get hammered. I didn't buy all this for nothing."

So we all—with Hayden as the exception— greedily chugged beer bottles until we were incredibly drunk. Hayden sat there, his arms crossed and a worried expression plastered against his face. While all the girls were talking, I switched my seat so that I was sitting next to him. "Drink it." I told him, holding my half-empty beer bottle to his lips. He rolled his eyes and turned his head.

"You smell bad." He wrinkled his nose, looking absolutely adorable. What he said was true, I could smell the alcohol on myself.

"Drink it," I said again, persistently holding it up to his tightly closed lips. He shook his head. "Drink it or I will force it down your throat. You really need to stop being so… Hayden-ish." Of course, in my drunken state, I thought this was the funniest thing I'd ever said in my life and cracked up laughing.

He sighed. "This was a bad idea, Jace."

My mind was foggy after consuming two six-packs of beer and three or four shots. I was laughing uncontrollably and my head was pounding. "Hey, Hayden?" I whispered in his ear, laughing. He raised his eyebrows and stared expectantly. I chuckled, "Me and Gavvy had sex when you were talking to your sister." He froze, an unreadable expression on his face. Taryn heard me too, and she was looking at me like I had two heads.

"Oh. I-I… I," He stuttered, then moved farther away from me. "That's none of my business." He finally collected himself.

"It's ok. I didn't like it anyway." I whispered, pulling him in for a hug.

"You smell reaaallllyyy good. Like… Watermelon. I like watermelon. It tastes good. Aw, I forgot to call Seb! I told him I would call!" I worriedly stood up, nearly tripping over my feet.

Although something was bothering him, Hayden stood up too, pulling me back down to the ground. "I'm sure you can call him tomorrow."

I shook my head stubbornly. "No! Or he's going to buy me a plane ticket back home!" I laughed like that was the funniest thing ever. "Seb is my bestest friend. I bet if you weren't a fag, we'd be like the three musketeers!"

His head snapped up at that. "Y-You said you didn't have a problem with it." He said shakily.

I thought for a second, reaching for another beer. "You're right, I did say that, didn't I?" I chuckled. "I have a question for you."

He stared at me questioningly, waiting for me to speak. "Since you're still telling yourself that you're gay and all, does that mean that you have a crush on me?" I slurred, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have a crush on every guy I meet. Guys to me are just like girls to you. Except I actually know how to stay in a lasting relationship." He shot me a look, referring to all my one-night stands.

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not too sure about that. Look what happening with your only 'lasting relationship'." It was a low-blow. Even in my drunken haze, I could tell that he was hurt when I brought Lance into the situation.

His face hardened. "You know that wasn't my fault."

"Yeah, but did you ever stop to think about, like, why he never tried getting in touch? It's because he doesn't like you, and he never did. He's probably in another bet right now, as we speak. He's probably—" I stopped short when Hayden whimpered and looked away, his eyes glossed over.

"Please stop talking, Jace. This was such a bad idea to come here. We shouldn't have done it."

"Whatever. I'm having fun, lighten up, drink a little. Gavvy wants to play spin the bottle,"—no doubt to get a chance to kiss Hayden— "and I think that would benefit us all. Seriously, what if the bottle lands on, like, Gavvy and Levi? Hot lesbian action right there."

He face-palmed, shaking his head. "You're such an idiot. But since I know you're not going to let it go, I'll play."

I cheered and took another gulp of beer. "M'kay, I just finished this one, we can use it." I announced, placing the bottle right in the middle of the circle we'd all formed unconsciously. Everyone but Gavvy and I looked weary. I scoffed and spun the bottle, waiting for it to land on someone. It landed on the only other person eager to play this game, Gavvy.

I bit my lip and shrugged. The only thing on my mind was how I hoped she didn't think I liked her. That would just be an awkward conversation for everyone. And since we had sex once, she might want more than that. Like a relationship…

I held back a shudder and crawled over to her, knowing I was too drunk to stand. She smirked and held my face still between her hands, smashing her lips against mine. I heard either Hannah or Kirsten counting to ten, telling us we could stop when they finished. Longest ten seconds of my life.

I mean, Gavvy's a pretty girl. There's no denying that. She's just… Not my type? Yeah, we'll go with that.

I pulled away from her and gave her a half-smile. She gave me one back.

Taryn was looking at something behind me, sympathetically. I gave her a weird look and glanced back over to where her eyes were pointed. Right at Hayden.

He was looking down at his hands, twisting them around. I made an "aww" sound, making his head snap up to mine. "I think that Hayden has a crush!" I sang, making his eyes widen. His breathing was so heavy I could hear it and I was a few feet away from him.

"N-No I don't." He denied, his face a mask of worry.

"Don't worry. If you have a crush on Gav, I'm sure she'd just love to go out with you!" I cried, everyone's eyes on me.

Hayden froze. Even in my drunken state, I could see that he was absolutely terrified of something. I just didn't understand what.

"See, your best friend knows you best. I told you that being gay was a phase! Told you that you're straight. You should listen to me more." Hayden stayed frozen, his eyes darting to a confused Gavvy. It was then that I remembered that she didn't know about his choice to be gay.

"Wait, what do you mean, 'being gay was a phase'? Are you telling me that…" Gavvy trailed off, staring straight at Hayden. He cringed and looked away.

I felt a little bit bad, but not much, because it's not like I did anything wrong.

…Right?

"Hey, Jace, could I talk to you for a minute?" Hayden all but growled at me.

Oh shit. He's not laughing. He's pissed.

 

A/N: Ok, if no one guessed this already, I'm not making Jace perfect. He's not this super sweet, always nice, supportive figment of my imagination. He's not that perfect boyfriend thats always pictured in books. He's mean. Really mean when he wants to be. He's a manwhore, an asshole, and he's not very supportive to anyone but Hayden. I don't want hate comments. I don't want you guys to say, "Wait, why is Jace all of the sudden being so mean?" he's not. I've dropped hints about it, I've been waiting for this chapter. Jace sleeps around. He's a party boy. That being said, he only has a sweet spot for Hayden. And he usually treats him so well because Hayden is really fragile, emotionally and physically. But a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

There. I said it. Jace Miller is an asshole.

But! Don't give up on this story because its "different". In fact, maybe you should read it BECAUSE of that.

I'm really sorry about the long author's note, but it had to be said. JACE ISN'T PERFECT AND HE NEVER WILL BE. But, maybe he'll change when Hayden has his little "talk" with him...

~Brandi <3





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