Entry #99: The kiss was fucking fantastic.
~ The Cinderella Deception by Juliette Harving
There's absolutely nothing gentle about the kiss.
Granted, this isn't my first kiss, but for two people who haven't been on very good terms all this while, this kiss is nothing but rough, possessive, passionate…and, well, everything a girl like me could wish for.
Needless to say, I melt into the kiss. Grady's lips are barely touching mine for about two seconds, but then he pushes his tongue through my lips roughly and we're devouring each other.
I didn't think it was possible for us to go from hating and yelling at each other to craving for each other so intensely in two seconds flat. But it is.
His tongue moulds against mine with ease, and he starts exploring my mouth hungrily, like he's been wanting to do this for awhile now.
And his hands are rough and gentle at the same time - one hand going down my back and up my shirt; and the other tangled in my hair, bringing me over the seat and onto his lap.
I put one leg over his lap, straddling him, and he pushes my back against the dashboard without lifting his lips from mine.
My hands are running up his gorgeous chest, and I can hardly get enough of him. I trace my fingers along the lines of his well-defined abs, and he lets out a hissing breath because my fingers are so cold.
"Fuck, Grady, since when have you been working out?" I ask, teasingly, pulling away from his lips for a second.
Grady's eyes darken. "Stop talking, damn it."
And with that, he once again crushes his lips to mine, and kisses me so intensely that every sane thought flies out of my mind, and all I can think isGrady, Grady, Grady.
I run one hand through his hair, and with the other, I cup his cheek gently, careful not to brush against any of his bruises.
His hands clutch my waist tightly, and he's just about to lift my shirt up when I stop his hands.
I've got a confession to make, and I think now's the right time to make it. I really don't know where this'll lead to tonight, because, quite frankly, I don't want this to stop. I never want him to stop.
"Grady?" I say, barely a whisper, pulling away from his lips.
"What?" He says, in a low, husky voice. I shiver. Goodness, his voice just sounds ten times sexier right now.
"I just wanted to tell you that I really like you." I say, in a rush. Confessing my true feelings has never been my strong point. "I want you to know how I feel before we go any further."
My words seem to have a massive effect on Grady. His lust-ridden eyes widen, and then darken almost immediately. He clutches hold of my waist firmly, and lifts me back into the driver's seat.
What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?
"Grady?" I ask, a slow panic starting to rise within me. Is he really ignoring what I just said? It took me so much to confess how I felt, and he's simply pretending he didn't even hear me!
"Drive me home."
"Just shut the fuck up and drive me home, damn it!" He yells, silencing out every noise I make.
"Fine!" I snap, angrily. The fucking jerk. I stomp hard on the accelerator, and drive furiously to his house.
The next day, Callie offers to join me for grocery shopping - something I always do every Saturday morning. I love grocery shopping. I have tons of fun choosing fruits and fresh meat.
The grocery is empty when we get there, because it's still early in the morning. I tell Callie all about what happened yesterday night, but surprisingly, she isn't the least bit surprised.
"Huh, well, there was always so much sexual tension between you two anyway." She muses, as she pulls out a trolley.
I put Josie in the cart, and Jared hitches himself up on the metal bar in the front. The two of them are pretty quiet because they aren't morning people. Neither am I, actually, but I've gotten used to early mornings.
"There wasn't. Isn't." I add, huffily.
I'm still so angry with Grady's reaction last night. He hadn't said anything about my confession at all, and it took me a lot of guts to say that. What did he treat me for? Some girl he could randomly make-out with? Or did he make-out with me just so I'd shut up?
I pull the trolley to a halt in front of the row of canned food. Callie starts throwing in cans of Campbell soup.
"I think you should talk to Grady."
I push the trolley past the sweets section, and Jared immediately brightens up. He starts grabbing random bars of chocolates and sweets.
"Grady and I have nothing to talk about." I say, and turn to Jared. "Geez, Jared, do you want to get a tooth-ache or something?"
"Yes." He says.
"Well, then, I think it's time to arrange for you to meet the dentist."
Jared pales, and immediately returns half the stack of chocolate bars. We all know how much he hates the dentist. It's every little kid's nightmare.
"Good boy." I lean over to ruffle his hair, and then turn back to Callie. "I don't want to talk to Grady either."
Callie shakes her head at me, her dark blond ponytail swinging left and right. "That's the problem with you, Jules. You never want to face the problem head-on. You just go on keeping silent and swallowing all your feelings."
I raise my eyebrows. "And that's wrong because?"
She sighs. "There's nothing wrong about that. But you will never get the problem solved then. And you may regret what you didn't say."
"Very wise words, Cal." I tease, but she's not joking.
I don't know how to tell her this, though. How do I tell her that I can't find the words to express my feelings? My feelings are never just one at one time. I never feel just sad, or just angry. It's always a plethora of feelings that can never be expressed in words.
It's the same with how I feel about what happened last night. I feel sad, angry, frustrated…but at the same time, I can't deny the feelings of euphoria, happiness and desire I had when I was kissing him.
More importantly, I don't actually want to face Grady because I'm afraid of finding out the truth. I don't want to hear him say things that will hurt me. What if he doesn't like me? He probably doesn't. What if he's just playing around with me and my feelings? He probably is.
I can't handle knowing the truth.
The only thing that can possibly be worst than Grady not acknowledging my confession is to have him ignore me altogether. And that's exactly what happens on Monday, when I get back to school.
So, I retaliate as much as possible. I start pretending like he doesn't exist. Hell, I start pretending like I don't even know him, and like I don't even care that he has my journal.
On Wednesday morning, when I get to AP Maths, I try my best not to look at Grady, who's sitting in the far end of the classroom.
Unfortunately, my usual spot has been taken up by Heather Fisher, who seems to have a thing for the guy who usually sits next to me - which, in my humblest opinion, is really tragic, considering the fact that Heather is one-year older than him.
So, I'm resigned to a back-row seat, which is, unfortunately, right next to Grady Sullivan.
Mrs Decker comes into class not a moment later, and pairs us up to solve a couple of difficult differentiation sums. And who else should I be paired with but Grady?
Sighing in defeat, I drag my table to join his, and sit in silence next to him. I'm well aware of Grady's dark gaze on me, but I'm adamant not to meet his eye.
All of a sudden, a piece of crumpled paper lands on my table, and I jump in surprise. I look around, and, when I meet Grady's gaze, I realise he's sent me a message.
Nice. Just when I don't want to talk to the guy. I unfold the paper and read it:
You can't like me.
I stare at the note in surprise.
Can't like him? Who is he to control my emotions and the way I feel? He may have the ownership of my journal, but he will never own my heart. If he did, he's sure to squeeze my heart at the very first moment possible - because he's Grady, duh - and where would I be then? Dead, of course.
Flicking a quick glance around the class to see if Mrs Decker is still at her desk nodding off like she was earlier, I quickly write back…
…and toss it back to him. I wait five seconds, and the paper lands on my desk again.
You just can't.
I raise my eyebrows, and turn to him. "If you think you can control my feelings," I say, in a low and furious voice. "You can't."
"You will regret it." He returns quickly.
"Why?" I demand. When he keeps silent, I ask again. "Why?"
"Grady," I hiss, in my most deadly voice, and grab his forearm so hard he turns to look at me. "Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't like me."
He hesitates, and I immediately feel my heart lift. He does like me. He just doesn't want to admit it, that's all.
"I can handle it." I say, in answer to his silence. I look straight into his eyes. "I'm not afraid of you, Grady Sullivan. You don't scare me. You and your bad-boy ways…your fighting, your swearing, your blackmailing. I can handle it."
Grady raises an eyebrow at this. But before he can answer, a student comes into the class to pass a note to Mrs Decker.
Mrs Decker reads it, frowns and gazes up at the class. "Sullivan? Harving? The Principal would like to see you in his office immediately."
I pale instantly. I'm so stunned I can barely move. What?! This is the first time I'm being sent to the Principal's office. I've never gone there, not once, ever since the start of High School!
Grady catches my horrified look and gives a deep chuckle. "Still think you can handle it, huh, Harving?"
And with that, he saunters off to the Principal's office lazily, leaving me staring agape after him.