I lay in my bed at whatever time in the morning as the sky is a mix of night and the sweet gentle look of day, though my body told me it was not quite dawn yet.
It’s silent, except from the soft sound of my heart pacing itself to a steady beatt.
And I just lay here.
A thin strip of light lights up the room, causing me to see dust particles in the air, and yet I can’t take in the beauty of my bedroom at this moment in time.
Something meaningless is on my mind… but was it meaningless?
Was it meaningless to me?|
I rip the bed covers off me in sudden frustration and ball my fists, digging my nails into the palm. The pure thought of me… of me…
No, absolutely not. That was impossible. Not after last time.
But he was always there, either literally there or in my imagination. He gave me such a sick feeling, that kind of feeling, like butterflies…
I let out a small whimper of defeat; I was back in the same place again, setting myself up to be hurt.
I loved him, his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his personality, his – no! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
A low laugh tingles from my mouth as I realise how I was talking to myself, how I thought I loved… that.
“Don’t kid yourself.” I laugh, chuckle, giggle, a slight craziness to every time that I do.
I slowly picked up my covers that I had thrown on the floor and curled myself up, scared of the idea of being hurt again. In the eternal darkness of my covers I tried to take my mind away from my craziness.